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Making your spouse your best friend

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By Stormy Brain



When people decide to get married, they are marrying their best friend. As the marriage moves forward, some people can lose their connection to their best friend and wind up with a marriage on the rocks or they can become divorced. It is not unusual for two people to drift apart over time, especially if they are not continually working on their marriage. If you are looking for ways to make your spouse your best friend, here are some simple tips to follow:

Communication is the number one tool every successful marriage has. A couple needs to spend time together and talk to one another. They need to make time to laugh with one another and talk about their daily activities. Talk to your spouse about yourself and ask about them. You should be up front about your emotions and talk about them with your spouse. If you feel like your spouse embarrassed you or did something that hurt your feelings, tell them. Your spouse is unable to read your mind and you should never make them guess about your thoughts and emotions. For people that have a hard time expressing their emotions, they should seek the help of a therapist. Sometimes writing down your thoughts can help you communicate with your spouse. The more you learn about one another, the easier it will be to grow together and develop a long-lasting marriage and friendship.

When you talk to one another, intently listen to what your spouse is saying. Do not make assumptions and avoid cutting them off. Get them to open up and talk about themselves. Learn about the person you married to by asking them questions and listening to what they have to say. Ask some open-ended questions that will help your spouse talk freely. You should share information about yourself as well, but don't make the conversation one-sided. Share stories about yourself that relate to your spouse. When you can share information about each other, you will learn more about one another and find out other things you may have in common. Don't make the conversation into a quiz, the point is to learn about your spouse, not give them the third-degree. Find out about your spouses goals, dreams, problems, likes, dislikes, and interests.

A good marriage does not have secrets. You need to be up-front and honest with your spouse at all times. If you are upset with your spouse, look for ways to phrase the harsh words you want to say into a clear and calm manner. The last thing you want to do in an argument is call your spouse names and say things you will regret later. Best friends tell each other everything and they are open and honest with one another. Keeping secrets is a violation of the trust you have built. In order for your marriage to remain healthy and strong, you need to share your ideas, desires, wants, and needs.


Marriage comes with compromise and sacrifice on both parties part. You must be able to share things with your spouse. When you are too possessive over something, your spouse may feel like they are unimportant in your eyes. Perhaps you had a pet before you met your spouse, although you may have a strong connection to your pet, your spouse is your best friend and they deserve your love and attention too. If you have children together, you need to equally share your love with everyone. You need to take time to hug and kiss your spouse and give them your attention just as much as your children need you. Embrace your spouse in front of your children to show them how much you care about one another.

Often the daily pressures can cause a lot of strain on a marriage. If you do not plan time to share with your spouse, you can lose the friendship you have built. Surprise your spouse with a romantic evening, or take them away for the weekend. Spending time with your spouse is a simple way to connect with them and make them your best friend. Try to make a date at least twice a month or once a week. Even though you may have children, it is still important to share some time with your spouse. Date nights are great ways to share your love with each other without distractions. Make every effort to spend some quality time with your spouse and it will strengthen your marriage.

Your spouse is your partner and you're equal. You should never treat your spouse like a child or talk down to them. Everyone does things in their own way and in their own time frame. Avoid setting expectations on your spouse and do not lecture them. If your spouse seems troubled, sit down and listen to them. Do not counsel your spouse unless they ask for your advice. Make time to truly focus on what your spouse is saying and embrace them. Sometimes a simple hug can do wonders for a relationship. Set aside your judgment and your own ideas and really listen to what your spouse is saying. Turn of the television and put away other distractions and give your spouse your full attention. Acknowledge their feelings and their perspectives.

When you married your best friend, you made the decision to share the rest of your life with them. Recognize that they will not change, instead you will grow and change together. No one is perfect, which means you and your spouse will both have different opinions and views. You need to accept your spouse for the person they are and treat them with respect. If you are thinking about things you want to change about your spouse, remember that your spouse may have some things they want to change about you as well. Acceptance is a wonderful way to build your marriage and make your spouse your best friend. They want to come home to open arms that love them and accept them. They may have a hard day at work and be ridiculed by their boss or colleagues and the last thing they need is judgment from their best friend.


Marriage is complex and hard, but it can also be fun and easy. When you made the commitment to love your best friend for the rest of your life, you agreed to live up to certain promises. Trusting your spouse and having your spouse trust you is a wonderful way to strengthen your marriage and make your spouse your best friend. You must be trustworthy and loyal if you expect your spouse to be the same way. If you cannot accept your spouse as your best friend, they are under no obligation to accept you and their best friend. Never stray from the promises you made to your spouse. If your marriage is on the rocks, seek marriage counseling to help you work out your differences before it is too late.
One of the best ways to make your spouse your best friend is to make them feel special. Do something that shows them how much you appreciate them in your life. Offer to help out around the house or plan a romantic evening. Even giving your spouse a foot rub or a massage after a long day can help them feel important. Find simple ways to make their life easier and show them how much you love them.

Do not forget to be intimate with your spouse. The longer a married couple is together, the more responsibilities they become a part of and the easier it is to forget to make time for one another. Intimate connection with your spouse is one of the key tools to making a marriage work. You and your spouse can do simple things to connect physically with one another. Compliment them on their outfit, hold their hand, give them a hug before they leave for work, and kiss them daily. Physical contact does not always lead to intimacy, but it is important to remember your spouse's needs and desires.

Half of all marriages end in divorce, by making time for one another and respecting one another, you can save your marriage from becoming another statistic. Work hard on your marriage each day and talk to your spouse. Your spouse and your family are the most important things in your life and they need to come before everything else. Don't nag your best friend, instead enjoy your life with them. Cut them some slack and put yourself in their shoes. If you had a hard day, don't take it out on your spouse. They may have had a hard day too and it's never easy to come home to a hostile environment. Make your home a warm, inviting place that your spouse will want to come home to. Keep a sense of humor in your marriage and make each other laugh. If you can enjoy spending time with one another, it will be easy to turn your spouse into your best friend.

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Jen4Weddings profile image

Jen4Weddings  says:
3 months ago

I like your hub, ideas.

thanks for sharing.

Chris  says:
5 days ago

I like that you have touched on many points and offered good insight, but I would suggest you edit down and be brief. The article was so long I started to glaze over.

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