Man-up! Woman-up! Come On! Manners are Important!
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It's only polite!
I am amazed that the level of manners has dropped so sharply. Maybe it hasn't, maybe I'm just now paying attention. It's not just a "man" thing. It's a "woman" thing, too.
I live in a small town that has as it's main access a ferry dock from a city north of Seattle. This is the route hundreds of people use every day to commute to work, and weekenders use to get "some-where-else-in-a-hurry!"
From my second story office I can watch the traffic off-load from the boat. It merges from 2 lanes to 1 lane a little past my office. I watch the cars, the trucks, the people and without fear of being labeled "sexist" the majority of rude drivers is women. It really is! A large percentage of them are talking on their phones, applying last minute makeup before getting home. They've been sitting on a boat for 30 minutes, couldn't they talk and beautify then? I'm guessing not.
I watch people. A lot. Everywhere. It's amusing. It's frustrating. It's sad. It's happy. I talk to people everywhere, too. My poor son, when he was young would say "Mom do you have to talk to everyone?" No, but I enjoy it. Sometimes my friends and I watch people go through some drama or sitting and eating not communicating at all and we make up life stories for them. How they grew up, what kind of friends they may have had, what kind of jobs they look like they hold.
But it's the way they treat each other that catches my attention. There was one couple I would put in their 60s. Eating in silence. Not much eye contact. Chewing silently. They finished eating, he stood slowly, quietly, walked around the table and quietly helped her with her chair. Gave her his hand to stand and helped her with her coat. He never said a word. She never said a word. Then, all of a sudden, she flashed him the nicest smile. There are some smiles that only curl the edges of the mouth. This smile went up to her eyes. He looked back, tipped his head a little and smiled back. Never saying a word, but those smiles, those smiling eyes said more than a week of "chatter." We sat there transfixed. The unspoken understanding, gratitude, respect.
I'm not used to that kind of relationship. I've been in some extremely abusive relationships. Survival was priority. Until 3 months ago. I started dating a guy I went through high school with. He tried to date me in school and I said no, twice. I was so shy and self-conscious. Now here we were. That first afternoon we stopped at a restaurant and I opened my door to get out. I didn't know! He looked so hurt. "Why?" and in his lovely British accent said, "I wanted to open your door." "Really?" "It's what I do." "Oh?... I mean Oh!" "So next time, let me, ok?" "oh OK!". And he did. Every time. Every where. Except in his garage. This is 'man-land' and no manners are required or expected. It was life changing!
The last time I was at the local Stop and Shop I met a man I know at the door. I got there first, I stopped, and waited. and. waited. and. waited... He stood there and said "WHAT?" "I'm waiting for you to open the door." "Who died and made you a Princess?" "I've always been a Princess, I'm waiting for you to treat me like one... Martin does." "Humph, fine.. your highness" *chuckle* I smiled my biggest, bestest smile and said "Thank you!". Now he holds the door for me all the time.
It took that exchange for me to notice I hold the door for a lot of people. I never gave it any thought. I say "Please" and "Thank you" to waiters, store people, everyone. It's who I am. Yet I've started to understand it's not common. I waited at the door once for a man to do this and he opened it, pushed by me, went in and didn't give it a second thought. Typical. Sad. Rude. Again, Typical.
So I'm challenging myself to raise my bar. Times are tough, but even if they weren't, I'm going to take a little extra step, to smile a little more. Be aware of people a little more. Be a little more patient. Say "Please" a little more often, a little louder. Say "Thank you" like I mean it, with gratitude.
And, let someone hold the door open for me.
And smile back at them.
It's only polite!
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Comments
There is real power in a genuine smile. Years of masking impatience with an automatic false smile finally paid off -- the smile became real; the patience became real. Since then, people are more polite to me than ever before, simply because I am genuinely pleased when a modicum of good manners is exhibited, and it really is infectious.
My mum used to say 'Manners maketh the man' and she was so right. Good manners are a thing of beauty, and a pleasure to behold!
Thanks guys!
BadCo: Good man! Teach your daughter well, The higher you help her set her standards the better!
Teresa: It really is infectious, I so agree.
Amanda: Your mum and my mum were raised the same..don't know why I forgot it for all thoes years.."Mum, I'm back!"
There are still men around who open doors for women because that's how they were brought up. But I'm puzzled, and at the same time amused, that many are surprised when I smile and say "Thank you". But then, if I happen to get there a few seconds sooner, I'm not above opening a door for a guy just so I can say "You're most welcome!" to *their* smile and thanks! ;D
They are out there, but not enough of them! More rare under 25 yearolds.. So I shall endevor to 'educate' them!
"Mom do you have to talk to everyone?
Missing some end quotes! No prob tho!
"It took that exchange for me to notice I hold the door for a lot of people. I never gave it any thought."
G|M does too, he enjoys making people happy. Just like you. =)
Good luck on bar raising.
And be careful, that Gnome might be a Liberation Front operative...
Ixxy, will fix the typo, :), I have full security on the gnome.. He does seem a little shady! I think I planted too many poppies in that part of the garden. Hugs! Oh, and what's gonna happen when we reach the door at the same time?? That's right, you get to open it for me!! *batting my eyelids*
Of course I'll get the door for you my luv, I live to make others smile. =)
Big smile at Ixxy!
BadCo...I do the same thing. I don't have a daughter, but I walk on the street side of any woman I'm with, my girlfriend, mother, sister, friend doesn't matter.
I also hold doors for every person, man or woman. If they are heading my way and there is a door, you better believe it will be open when they get there.
Candie...every little thing matters. Great Hub once again. We all should definitely be more polite. This is probably not helping the cause, but when someone doesn't hold the door for me, or doesn't respond when I talk to them, or doesn't thank me for holding the door....I have the hardest time biting my tongue. I usually say, "your welcome" without them thanking me. It's just adding salt to the wound, but I can't help it!
Hey C! I have to bite my tongue also.. I think when that guy opened the door, then pushed by to get in first, I mummbled, and not too quiet "Well, that was special!" He was to self-involved to hear my little snarffy comment. Hard to bite my tongue! My dad raised me to walk on the inside of the street too.. Why I settled for less in the men I chose, I have no idea.. maybe next time I'll do better.
wow amanda your words here :'Manners maketh the man' and she was so right. Good manners are a thing of beauty, and a pleasure to behold!"is so just right,and not so many event like this we see like this
Murilion, thanks for visiting! It is right, and we need more, so go get out there and stun them with your kindness and respect!
Having spent most of my years in the South, it would appear from personal experience that people are a bit more polite. When we (as adults) got transferred to Wisconsin (the home of my birth) for 4 years, I was shocked when a grocery store door was literally slammed in my face by the guy going through it a few seconds ahead of me. That was prior to automatic opening doors. This happened over and over again. When we returned back to the South, we immediately noticed the improvement in manners.
Keep up your crusade. Having manners may be such a small thing that does not take much effort, but it leaves behind a trail of much happier people.
Thank you Peggy!! Maybe manners, or lack thereof, is a regional thing. It really does amaze me how rude some people are. It really takes nothing to hold a door open for 2 seconds for the next person to go thru, male or female, yet I had one shut in my face yesterday. I mumbled (maybe a little too loudly) "What, am I invisible today??" She glanced back and didn't miss a step out of the Post Office. Maybe I should've looked to see if her picture was on the wall!!
I have to agree with what Peggy W wrote...that politeness has been a big part of Southern Culture. Also...I have witnessed how Marines are in these regards...It's damn well a way of life for them...OOORAH!
Manners have their place in a civilized society. Otherwise...without any kind of manners...we would be reduced to go through life without ever humbling ourselves enough to acknowledge others...as in your Post Office incident above. One more sec...and that lady could have helped you with a very simple thing...as a sign of politeness, respect...or acknowledging that other people share this same "dog-gone" planet with her. I wonder if that lady (in your Post Office Comment) mumbles to herself when people don't hold the door open for her...or if someone had slammed the door in her face prior to your encounter at the door with her? Interesting... when you start thinking about the full spectrum of what people are thinking. Candie V...great crusade and hub!
MPM- thank you for your great comments. It is a shame that a small minority of selfish people make life so hard, mostly for themselves. I can open my own door, but it only takes a pause to be polite.
I would love to be able to change the world. I can only change me, and this starts with me!! Thank you!
Candie.....don't know how I missed this one...but personally I think it your best hub. I feel sure it's a regional thing and feel blessed to have been raised in the south. It's a very genteel part of the country. Teresa I believe lives in Beaufort, South Carolina and I'm sure she has noticed the polite and friendly people there. In the small town in North Carolina that I'm from I'm both proud and amazed at the manners exhibited there. Usually the only reason I get to go back there is for the funeral of a friend or relative and I never fail to notice that during the funeral procession to the graveyard, all cars on the road pull over to the side and wait for the procession to pass....as a matter of respect for the dead.....regardless if they knew them or not. In the large city I live in there has been a significant influx of those "damn" yankees.....and you wouldn't see any sign of respect like that here.
And while I'm on my soap box....you're absolutely right about women drivers....nearly every one I pass on the road (because they're driving slowly....usually in the fast lane) is talking on their cell phone.....damn it women...hang up and drive!!!! Thank you.
Blue, Also I've been seeing a lot of Contractor trucks driven by men - all on their phones.. All of them. And yes, there was more than 5.
I would love to visit the lovely south one of these days.. it would be a refreshing change of life!
Thank you for reading this, finally!!! HA!!
I personally hate cell phones and think talking on one while driving should be outlawed...as well as make-up application.
And reading newspapers and eating and flashing the car next to me, I mean you.. all bad disctractions!!!
Flashing....???? I miss something???
Just driving distractions.. LOL!
The smiling wisdom of a true heart....this is perfect! :)
It is sad manners has lost the way, people are only smiling when they need something now. I just do my job and don't expect anything in return, hopefully others will learn by it.
Tom, thank you. I did one so long ago, I thought it had fallen thru the cracks! But it has life once again! I would let you hold the door for me anyday!
cgull, It is sad, and down right maddening, I could just slap those inconsiderate people right upside their self-absorbed heads! Thank you for sharing this and I would love it if it gave one person a rethink!
Candie--This hub is exactly what Tom and I have been discussing lately--I'm so glad to see that you feel the same way...it's so easy to smile at another person, or do something nice for them--even if it's just opening a door...
It's also easy to hold your tongue--don't be rude--damn--how hard is that for people to comprehend, sheesh...try giving niceness a chance...they might find out how much better life can be--how much more peaceful your life can be...
Sorry, didn't mean to go off on a tangent, lol...but as you can tell, I feel pretty strongly about this, too...:)
Tammy, This "tangent" is good!! I wish more people had these strong feelings, maybe it would start to catch on (up in the northern states) I just don't get it..maybe it's my upbringing coming out here. To think I've excused other's bad behavior.. But we can only start with ourselves and maybe it will catch on!? I hope so! Thank you for joining me!!
Candie V
Great Hub!
Your are so right manners are important. It is a good thing to be considerate of others. And yes "Mind your manners." Although for many it is becoming passe. Let's
as you say "continue to raise the bar"
Thank You, I enjoyed your hub!
Blessings
Ah, many thanks DeBorrah!! You're a new face in this hubhood!! Welcome!!
Great hub, I enjoyed it a great deal. Isn't it sad though that we live in a world where good manners are something to behold, and not something to be expected? I too hold doors for people. In my neck of the woods, I can do you one better.
Not too long ago I went to a shopping center in a near by city and as I reached the doors I realized that there was an African American lady coming up behind me, so as I always do I opened the door and gestured for her to enter before me. It was amazing the look she had on her face, she stopped and said thank you and just kept staring. Finally I had to ask her if she was alright. She smiled and said, " You must not be from around here." I asked why and then it dawned on me she was shocked that a White guy was opening the door for an african American woman. It has stuck in my head ever since. I did not know that, that was not the normal behavior for where I am from. I thought we were past all that silliness.
DM2 - It is a pleasure to meet you! It is sad, isn't it!? I'll bet she's never forgotten that kindness either. I would hate to think that racial/sexual divides will be something that will always divide people, but I'm afraid that it will. Keep being kind, keep changing lives - one small moment at a time - and just maybe you'll see the joy you give people! Thank you for your visit, your comment and your heart!
badcompany99 says:
8 months ago
I always hold the door for a woman and if out walking with my daughter I always walk on the roadside of the street.