If you're looking to blow a wad of cash to impress your sweetie, there are certainly worse places you could do it. Nice rooms, great dining, and high-end shopping are plentiful here. Too bad it's a danged long haul from the parts of the Strip you really want to see...

About Mandalay Bay

Ever wanted to stretch out and spend your vacation in a hotel bathroom? You can do it at Mandalay Bay. The bathroom area takes up a whopping chunk of Mandalay's 550 square foot standard rooms, so you won''t feel cramped while you're scrubbing casino smoke out of your ear canals. The rooms are tastefully decorated in neutral tones, and have a sitting area for four people. Since you're all the way at the south end of the strip, only half the rooms have a decent view. The other half affords you a view of the snarled traffic jam those folks from California create as they pack in on the weekends.

The rooms also have large flatscreen TVs, so if you want to sit around and watch the same old tired crap you can see at home, you can do that in style here.

If the standard rooms aren't pricey enough for you, you can upgrade to a 725 square foot deluxe room, which comes with 2 baths, a wet bar, a separate living room, and plenty of high tech stuff to make sure your boss can still harass you while you're on vacation.

Still have money left to burn? The Four Seasons occupies the top floors of this hotel, and is the place to stay if you want to enjoy some serious butt-kissing from the staff. A night here costs about the same as a new Hummer.

Who Stays at Mandalay Bay?

Rich folks, and those who want to pretend they're rich. These are mostly young'ns who love the trendy party vibe. They also love to annoy the rest of us.

How About Entertainment?

First, there's the House of Blues, which offers national acts at high ticket prices. There are some decent acts here, but nothing you can't see at your local corporate-branded arena.

The Events Center holds 12,000 people, and mostly caters to folks who like lame arena acts like the Backstreet Boys and P!nk.

There are also beach concerts out on Mandalay's sprawling fake beach area. There's plenty of room to stretch out and listen to an alt rock act here.

If you can't get enough of big fish with lots of pointy teeth, check out the Shark Reef exhibit. It's one of the few things you'll get to see in Vegas for under $20, and a fairly low-key way to kill an hour away from the roar of the slots.

The Lion King is an off-Broadway musical based on the Disney flick. If you were foolish enough to bring the kidlets on vacation with you, this show is a good way to appease them for a bit.

Want to feel what's it's like to suck down vodka in a Siberian blizzard? At Minus Five, the whole bar (seats, tables, everything) is made of ice. In fact, in order to get in, you have to buy a bottle of vodka and rent ice gear. Yippee.

MIX is Mandalay's version of the ultra-lounge. Overpriced booze and haughy elitism are the joint's two biggest draws.

What about Restaurants?

There's plenty to choose from at Mandalay, and several of the restaurants are quite good. Trattorio del Lupo is a Wolfgang Puck joint with decent (but not great) food. Expect high prices and small portions.

Got a hankering for French food? Me either. But tell your friends that you dined at Fleur de Lys, and they'll pretend to be impressed. Three, four, and five course meals make this less like a dining experience and more like a marathon. Quail, caviar, and rich sauces feature heavily here. Oh, and there's a ridiculously extensive (and expensive) wine list... but don't try to get a bottle of Two Buck Chuck (we already asked).

If you need yet another expensive choice, try Aureole, which is decorated in a sort of Bauhaus style. If you don't know what that means, you probably won't want to bother eating here.

Ah, and then there's the obligatory buffet. Like everything else at Mandalay, it's pricey for what you get... but it's also a bit above average - especially when it comes to the desserts. An added bonus here is that it overlooks the pool, so you can stuff yourself stupid and ogle over silicon-enhanced twenty-somethings at the same time.

After you've waddled out of the Bay Side Buffet, you can hit one of the two Starbucks joints for your caffeine fix. We wouldn't want to find you slumped over the Crazy Sevens machine in a food coma.

Shanghai Lilly serves up excellent Chinese-American food - it'll set you back a bit more than your local Panda Express, but it's worth it.

For highly Americanized Mexican grub, head over to the Border Grill. It's tasty stuff, but no points for authenticity. If you're in a hurry to go spend your kid's college fund at the blackjack table, the Border grill has a taqueria off to the side.

Restaurant RM is a seafood joint with sort of an Ivy League vibe to it. If you're the kind of guy that thinks sweater vests are cool, you'll love it here. There's also an oyster bar downstairs.

Casino Tidbits

As you probably expected, bet minimums at Mandalay bay are higher than we like to play. We asked one of the blackjack dealers what we could do with $5, and he said if we gave it to him, he'd let us sniff the felt.

There are tons of slots here, from the penny grubber to the $100 machines. Mandalay prides itself on having the newest and greatest slots. We guess you might as well get some variety while you're betting next month's mortgage.

Cocktail service is surprisingly good for an upscale casino - we figured they'd be stingy with the drinks to keep folks from puking on the machines. Turns out their clientele tends not to have major drinking problems.

Anything Else I Need to Know?

Well, like I said, it's all the way on the south end of the Strip. If you want to get to mid-Strip in under 7 hours, take the tram to Excalibur, then cross the street and pick up the monorail at the MGM Grand. You'll still forget what you were going to do by the time you get there, but at least you won't be all sweaty and exhausted.