Marriage Advice: Staying Passionate

Marriages that maintain passion have challenges to overcome. We have children with developmental delays and serious emotional needs. My career has hit rock bottom a few times after successful peaks. But the couples who have a passionate marriage have learned to share their feelings and desires which leads to romancing your spouse.

See the Beauty

Look for the beauty in your spouse and recall what brought you together in the first place. Talk about your first date. Was it awkward? Were you nervous? Did you even notice each other? Whether you've been married for a year or 50 years, talking about the first time you were together could be cause for some romantic nostalgia.

Keep a Love List

Write a brief note at any time about the 5 things you really like about your spouse. Place it in their lunch, mail it to their work, or tape it to a mirror. You're demonstrating that you've put thought in to what you write. Don't expect anything in return, either.

Pursue Romance

My wife and I spent a wonderful Saturday at the beach in January. We parked our 20-foot motor home in the parking lot of a secluded beach, went for a walk and then closed the doors to the outside world. We've also taken hikes in the local mountains and have blocked out time for each other. Pursuing romance takes planning. Although we wanted the activities once a month, our hectic family life doesn't allow for that. But I've found other ways to pursue romance like writing love letters.

Enjoy the Wild

Make passionate sexuality part of your marriage. Talk about your fantasies. This requires vulnerability on the parts of each partner. It was extremely difficult for me to talk about what I wanted to do and experience. But writing to my wife helped a great deal. I would even hide the notes in fun places like her lingerie drawer.

Plan a Hotel Night - in Your Room

We're able to often block out the sounds of older teens while we do this now, but it's also been nice to get the kids out of the house with friends or other family members. Plan it on a Saturday afternoon or even try to schedule a weekday with a romantic bath, intimate massage and a glass of wine. Try to allow up to 3 hours and try to schedule it on a calendar twice per year.

Dress the Part

My wife only recently bought black high heels. She's look great in them and I've let her know. Wearing something provocative doesn't have to break the budget, either. I've communicated to her what I like her to wear. When she dresses for me, it helps set the mood for both of us.

Sensation Play

Something as simple as silk scarves can be really pleasant to use when tying your partner's hands apart or together. You can blindfold them and move the fabric slowly over their body. The idea is to help them experience different sensations that are pleasant . . . and as you learn each other likes and dislikes you can try cold and warm items lightly touching the skin.

When your partner is blindfolded is a perfect time to give them a massage. Black currant vanilla from Bath and Body Works is one of our favorites.

Moving slowly is a good way to learn each other's bodies in a new way.

Shaving

I don't mean looking in the mirror and running the razor quickly over your face, either.

Instead, light candles and after a bath or shower have your partner relax in bed and shave the areas that only you are privileged to see. Again, go slowly. Tease and be playful. Kiss. We've found it to be exciting. Add a bondage element to increase the excitement and sensation.

Finally, send a thank you note!

If you've done something out of the ordinary then send a thank you note a day or two after. Express your appreciation and this keeps the passion open for next time. Again, don't expect a note in return since that may not be your spouse's style. I'm the romantic writer in the family while my wife manages a busy household when she's not working part-time.

I've accepted our differences but I've also learned how to communicate my feelings and desires.

Make romancing your spouse, or staying passionate in your marriage, a lifestyle for you.