In this first installment of a three part series we will be examining the idea that marriage partners are tailor-made by God to be there for each other. We will look at the concept of inter-dependence instead of co-dependence, known in Biblical circles as "weaving" and "cleaving". This is where God super-humanly takes two very different lives and through Divine providence not only prepares these two lives to become one unit, but engineers their merging into one. This requires our cooperation, of course, for God will not remove His gift of volition from us. We are still free to choose to rebel (and vey often do) thus slowing the progress God wants us to achieve.

"And He answered and said to them, Have you not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they two shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man cut in two." (Matt. 19:4-6)

One principle governs marriage and effects the nature that is unlike any we experience in any other arrangement of living. That is, whether saved or unsaved, marriage partners are made one flesh by God. Though true, "no man lives to himself or dies to himself", (Rom. 14:7) in marriage one flesh is a much deeper concept. There is to be an automatic aspect and a cooperative aspect to the weaving of two lives into one.

Another governing principle is the triune nature of man, how that we are body, soul (mind, will, emotions), and spirit. When considering the concept of weaving and cleaving, it is important to start with our spirit. God deals with our spirit all of the time. Our spirit understands God's will for the marriage relationship. It is our spirit which sits in God's presence and communes with Him. The weaving and cleaving process begins (or should begin) in the spirit of man. Sadly, however, the majority of people don't realize this fact until after years of needless struggling to blend their lives together (if they last years). They try to have a meeting of the minds when their minds are going in different directions. Utilizing the power of standing together in spirit while being filled with the Spirit of God, is the key to strength and a formidable weapon against Satan's effort to destroy us. The quicker we see that it takes three people to make a marriage and not just two, the sooner we will discover the secret to a lifetime together.

1. Walking With God Together.

The Christian life involves movement and decision, growth and progress. God has an agenda for us as individuals as well as an agenda for our marriage. Like an artist weaving a tapestry that is our life, God moves our lives according to His sovereign will. Husbands and wives are to be there for one another to help each other in their walk with God. Husbands, do you walk so as to be the role model for your wife, as Jesus commanded you to do? Or do you argue and try to dominate her? Can your wife point to your life as the example of a man she can respect pertaining to the Lord? Or are you the example that she uses of a "bad Christian"? Wives are you an inspiration to your husband? Or do you just nag and point to his failures? Do you build him up with a life and a heart that loves the Lord? Or does he run from you to the haven of work or friends? Can he point to you and say you are "worth more than rubies" and that you truly are the woman depicted in Proverbs 31? Or are you the "dripping faucet" of Proverbs 27:15? Go ahead, put yourselves to the test.

2. Talking With God Together.

God is the "author and finisher" of our faith, and our marriage as well. He tells us to ask of Him and He will grant us wisdom. Begin to stand together by remembering that you are "one flesh." Then include God as the common governing factor in your lives. Talk to God verbally in each other's presence regarding everything. Reserve time to do this. Satan will try to steal this away first, before he attacks anything else. Remember, you don't have to be in the perfect mood to pray together. Emptying yourself before God in the hearing of your mate won't cause lack of respect from them but will cause respect for you to grow. Don't let Satan rob you of what should be your family's greatest strength. He uses feelings of embarrassment, shyness, and emotional upheaval to try to convince you that now is just not the time to pray together. He actually is afraid of the strength that it gives you together before a Holy God. Though praying separately is important, the Enemy will say that is enough, that praying together is unnecessary, but that's a lie. HEY!!! Have I got your attention? Good. Pray together. If you've never tried it, shame on you. Do it and change your life.

3. Learning About God Together.

There are two places in which we learn about God and two fronts on which our enemy will attack to weaken our marriage. The first place is obvious to everyone and that place is church. Church is where we go to feed on God's Word. We drink in the essential fellowship that the (church) body needs to be healthy. The other learning place is our own family unit, starting with ourselves and our own personal reading and study of God's Word. Then in our family devotions, where we marvel the depths of God together as husband and wife.

Again watch for the enemy. The target will be family devotions first. He knows how much the family is weakened when it is split up. He will bring things into our lives that make us busy, too busy to sit down together. Or he will bring in the aforementioned feelings of embarrassment, etc. At any rate, the devotions are usually the first to go as the marriage unit weakens. The next assult is on personal devotions, and we weaken further. The next phase is to divide and conquer family church attendance.  Sometimes we decide that we will go to different churches, or one will decide that they don't have to go to church at all.  Many times this starts with one service and then widens to include all the services.  By this time, the marriage is in serious trouble and the effort by the enemy is the push for divorce.  Do you doubt any of what I say?  I wouldn't if I were you.  The divorce rates are the lowest when both marriage partners attend church together on a regular basis.

4. Serving God Together.

There are precious few couples that serve God together, but each would tell you of the joyous blessing they receive from God because they do.  They would tell you of the strength and peace of mind they get from knowing that their lives have a separate and collective purpose.  They would tell you that the enemy has far fewer victories over them and over their children.  They will tell that instead of letting the things that bring most people down effect them, they can remain focused on heaven and meeting all of the people whose lives they've touched as a couple in serviced to the King.

We can see that we need to stand with each other in spirit.  Be filled with the Spirit of God.  Allow oneness of spirit to be the centerpiece of your marriage.