The problem with being a minor, a person under the age of 21 years, is that if you are working you're treated as an adult. You're allowed to pay your parents rental and enjoy life as long as you don't have to make any legal decisions.

When it comes to legal decisions, as in opening an account etc., you are reminded of the fact that you are a minor. An adult has to now make that decision legal by giving you consent to open the account.

Marriage, however, is treated in the same manner. I recently had a father come to me for advice about his step-daughter wanting to get married as a minor. She is at present 20 years old and will become a major in 4 months time.

The laws, in South Africa, are very strict. You have to be 21 years of age to sign your marriage certificate and license. If you want to get married under age, as we call it, then prior permission must be granted by both parents.

In this case we have a slight complication. The parents are divorced and remarried to different spouses. Where does this leave the step-daughter?

Her natural father is denying her the right to get married under age. She now wants to apply to Home Affairs to get married. Her priest is requesting documentation dating back to her parents divorce. By the time the documents arrive she will be of age to make her own decision.

However, I believe she is still too young to be married and will go with her natural father's decision.

I refer to my article on cohabitation dated January 22, 2009. How well does she know her spouse-to-be? What can she possibly have learnt in the two years they have been living together? Her father has already gone through a divorce and may have a very important message for her.

The divorce rate in South Africa is exceptionally high. When you cohabitate at an age as early as 19 years old, how much can be learnt? You're in love and nothing else matters. If you're lucky you can get through the two years with ease. You will have no arguments but also no true experience. You would not have gained the experience of a marriage "in trouble" or "on the rocks".

My advice to all those who seek marriage at an early age is "live life first". Get to know each other properly. Get to know all the "quirks" and problems each person has. Don't attempt to correct each other but build and assist. Stand by your spouse-to-be. Have discussion and talk about the worries you have, especially if they irritate you. Don't bottle-up and regret it late. Talk to each other. Loving each other and building the relationship starts now. Companionship will be realised when the children have left home.

Think before you make any rash decisions. It's nice to love and make everything legal but divorce is painful and ruins lives.