A couple of years ago, I attended a wedding of two people who had already been living together as a defacto couple and had two children. Recently, I was asked about why people are married if they don't have to be. When pondering the answer, I though this might serve well on HubPages.

Those in favour of defacto relationships say: 

• We don't need to tie the know; the threads of our life have woven together quite nicely
• If it doesn't work out, we don't have the added expense of divorce
• They don't need a piece of paper to prove they love someone
• they can have all the love, happiness and compromise in the world without a ceremony
• We are not religious people

Those in favour of marriages do tend to be the more religious people, but:

• Many girls dream of being a "princess", or at least treated like one, in a grand wedding - whether they be religious or not
• The act of marriage is a public profession of commitment to each other
• Marriage need not be performed in a Church, under the guise of religion, it can be achieved in Court, on a boat, in the garden, anywhere!
• Children born of the couple are legitmate, not bastards

Problems or downsides of defacto

• The legal rights to property when a de facto relationship breaks down are confusing. Unlike a married couple who can take their grievances before an independent adjudicator in the form of the court acting under the auspices of the Family Law Act, de facto couples must rely on a tangle of largely unspecific state property laws that vary from state to state. [aifs.gov.au]
• 50/50 split does not apply on breakup, you need to prove ownership
• Shared assets usually go to the house-holder, particularly if there are children involved.

Problems or downsides of marriages

• On breakup the Court, not the Church, decides who gets what.  Ownership is 100% shared; this includes future earnings.
• Depending on which country you live in, determines whether you are equals of if one 'belongs' to the other.

Poor arguments in favour of defacto:

Defacto relationships allow us to exercise a 'try before you buy' mentality which we think is rather handy seeing as a return of purchase (sometimes called a divorce) can be quite costly.

• Breakups, whether from marriage or defacto relationships, are ALWAYS messy and costly.  There is no inexpensive breakup option.
• 'Try before you buy' may be against the teachings of the Church, but it is not solely practised by pro-defacto couples. Cohabitation prior to marriage is a common act these days, and has been since the 1970's.

Poor arguments in favour of marriage:

Marriage is a union of two people done so by God

• This only works if you are both religious
• It is a marriage by God, in where God's law may not be followed (Ephesians 5:22 of the New Testament for example)

Whether you choose defacto or marriage, the choice is yours. 

However, I do recommend that marriage be engaged for the benefit of the child (should you two plan to have children, or find out that you are having children).

• Children tease children for any and every reason.  Having unwed parents, where more common these days, is still a big imposition to the stable emotional state of the child - which may have longer term impacts.

Your thoughts?