Marriage Humor

A business consultant, whose job required frequent long absences from home, returned home following the completion of a work assignment in a distant city.

After greeting him at the door with a big hug and kiss, his wife announced that she had a surprise for him in the backyard. Taking him to the backyard, she proudly displayed a chicken coop that she had built. Even though this was not what one expects in one's suburban backyard, the consultant knew better than to question his wife's project. "What a wonderful job" he exclaimed.

"Thank you" she replied. Leading him over to the fenced in pen surrounding the chicken coop, she proudly announced that they were guaranteed a steady supply of fresh eggs as she pointed to the two roosters and four hens that she had purchased for the coop.

"But Honey" the man began to explain, "you should know that one rooster is sufficient for the hens, you don't need two to satisfy the hens."

"You do, if one of the roosters is away all the time", she replied.

A man was strolling along the beach one day when he spied an old fashioned oil lamp laying in the sand.

He picked it up and, as he began to brush the sand and dirt off the lamp, a Genie suddenly appeared. As the man stood there, surprised and speachless, the Genie held up his hand and said "Before we start, here are some ground rules. First, I am not very good with this Genie business, so with me you only get one wish, not the usual three. Second, because I am not very good at this, there are no guarantees, so be careful what you wish for."

After thinking for a few moments the man said, "well, I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but I am afraid of traveling on either ships or airplanes, so could you build a highway to Hawaii so that I can drive?" To which the Genie replied, "What? I just told you to keep it simple as I am not very good at this."

So the man thought again and replied, "well, my wife keeps saying that I don't understand her. So, could you give me the power to understand women?"

"Would you prefer a two or a four lane highway?" replied the Genie.

Three fellows, who had been close friends all of their lives, got married on the same day. One to a librarian, one to a nurse and one to a teacher. All three couples choose the same resort for their honeymoon.

After arriving at the resort on their wedding night, the three fellows met in the bar for a night cap while their new brides retreated to their respective rooms. Finishing their drinks, the three agreed to meet the first thing the next morning to compare notes on their first night of marriage.

The next morning, as their wives were in their rooms dressing, the three fellows met in the dining room of the resort to share their first night experiences. The first, who was married to the librarian, described the previous night saying, "it wasn't anything like I expected as all she kept saying was, 'shh, be quiet'" and "can't you do this quietly".

The second, who was married to the nurse, replied, "that's nothing, mine kept pushing me away while repeating 'what are you doing? Are you sure that thing is clean?'"

With a big smile on his face, the third, who was married to the teacher, said, "oh, my night was fantastic. All night long she kept saying, 'now we are going do this and keep doing this until you get it right.'"