Marriage Misconceptions

This topic has been on my mind for a while so it finally gelled enough for me to write about it. And yes, it's another can of worms.

Let me preface it by saying as a divorced woman, my opinion is biased and not open-minded.

I have been wondering about the differences between what woman are thinking when they get married and what men are thinking.

There is much time and folklore and media and money invested in getting girls to believe that when they get married, their spouses will be putting them first, or at least 2nd behind God. High on the priority list of what is important in their husband's lives. They will have a helpmate and a life partner to help them raise kids and figure out finances and plan trips and build a home.

Men on the other hand, seem to be thinking that by getting married they will have gained a sex partner, a mother to their children, and someone to cook and clean.

I'm not sure men realize they are agreeing to changing their lives all around. Do they know they will have to commit to a family and give up a lot of their hunting, camping, fishing and drinking nights out? Does it occur to them that their wives may be expecting them to do half the dishes and laundry, cook meals or change diapers? Or at the very least not disappear into the den to play war video games for half the night?

Just from personal observation, it seems most men get married thinking nothing in their life as far as their social outings will change or their work load will change, except now they have the perks of having someone there when they get home, a hot meal on the table, and clean socks in their drawer.

You can see how both these misconceptions can lead to a very rocky marriage. There are a plethora of things to discuss before marriage. Some of them are about children, what religion the children will be raised in, sports, politics, birth control, finances. If the wife is saving for the house and hubby plans to spend a lot of time gambling in Vegas (or vice versa) it's going to be nearly impossible to put together a budget that works for both parties. If the wife plans on visiting her family in Japan once a year, and the husband refuses to fly in a plane, how are you going to resolve that? Who is going to raise the children if you die? Who cares for the pets when both of you go on business trips at the same time? Who will quit their job when the other one wants to relocate? Who is going to take care of an elderly parent if they become ill?

All serious and important questions that should at least be addressed before marriage.

I think many wives start out high on their husband's priority lists and then sink down and down until they fall off the list altogether.

And I think many husband's are just plain forgotten once their wives give birth. I've even heard woman say that their kids are their number 1 priority and hubby will just have to wait for the kids to leave for college before he gets any attention. Are you kidding ladies? Why would your husband want to stay with you if he is persona non gratis for 18 years?

I'm not saying never get married. I'm just saying get married with your eyes open. And be ready to walk away if you can't resolve these major deal breakers before you say 'I do."