"Marry a White Guy and Your Babies Will Have AIDS"
65Racism is Never Funny...If You Hear It, Speak Up!
Allow me to apologize for the shocking title of this article.... obviously not true. But now that I have your attention, I would like to share a story that I hope will move you to action.
OKAY. I am not proud nor am I naive about the fact there are black people who are racists. Despite this, I am shocked about what I think is the most racist experience I have ever had. The worst part is it was perpetrated by one of my "OWN". While having my hair done in a neighborhood salon, I overheard a woman on the phone talking about one of her "friends" that is pregnant by a white guy and said her baby was going to have downs syndrome and AIDS - She continued to "JOKE": “that's what happens when you”, um “have sex with” (but she did NOT use that word!) with those white people. Being and African American woman with a white husband, I was naturally very offended.
I was shocked that anyone would say something like this so loudly in public. "Could this person be more ignorant?", I wondered. I will confess, some of my shock was because I was used to racism coming from a white person directed at me....not a black person directed at my husband. I guess because there were only African Americans in the salon she felt it was “safe” to voice her opinion. I was felt nervous and intimidated by her behavior. Despite my fear, I am proud to say that I did speak up and let her know I was offended and why. I share this story to make three points: 1) white people do not have the market “cornered” on being racist 2) never make assumptions about your "audience" 3) Having the courage to speak up is an important tool in keeping the mouths of the ignorant as they should be….CLOSED!
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Thanks for your comment and your support Bela! I look forward to reading your Hubs! Best, Mimi
Speaking up about racism in the wrong situation though can get a whole lot more than just your feelings hurt. If in an African salon, I think I'll just sit back and listen, I have a hefty co-pay.
I still cannot beleive that we are in 2009 and there is still so much racism, why cant people understand that there is so much more to a person than the color of their skin. It really makes me mad to hear about such ignorance in this day and age. Good Job, those ignorant people need to be put in their place.
mimisays - way to stick up for you man while closing the doors on stupidity. Hopefully the owner of the salon learned a valuable lesson as well. Quite frankly if I had to chose between a racist and an idiot as a friend I would chose the racist because there is hope for a racist but an idiot never learns.
Great hub and thanks for sharing.
Taxingisthievery, are you white? Never be ashamed,afraid to stand up to any wrong! I have done it to whites and blacks! I also for the purpose of full disclosure carry a pistol everywhere. Have a nice day!
Taxingisthievery - (Love your name - I agree!) The only way to stand up and avoid a problem is to do so with tact. I have had to develop this skill in many school and work situations where I was the only "one". My theory is your can berate or you can educate. I try to educate...but hey, I'm not perfect, I am sure sometimes I "edu-rate". :-)
Racism knows no one color--see the movie CRASH. Racism comes from ignorant or insecure people, but we cannot be hyper-sensitive about it either. Once had a friend talking to me about being black and voting Republican. I just laughed and said, "I'm not as shocked your are black and vote Republican as I am that you are from California, graduated from Berkley and vote Republican." We have to laugh, people.
Thanks for your hubs.
He Pamela - Thanks for your comment...LOVED CRASH...Excellent example! I am one of those "rare" black conservatives too! Almost like seeing a unicorn :-)
There is a black lady who is very conservative and I cannot recall her name at this time, but I will look for it and send it to you - if you don't like what she has to say thats okay too.
Love your work.
Kimberly Daniels is her name. If you're interested here is a link to her site - powerful lady.
Very well said. In the 1960's I was thee first white girl to date a black boy at our school. Believe you me I suffered for it. My friends gossiped about me, dropped me, gave me the cold shoulder. My family was just freaking out big time. I was called N*gg*r lover behind my back and to my face. For a kid of 15 it was a harrowing time for me and I was way in over my head. This is not to even mention that my own father was a racist. But the relationship went on. I was stubborn and not about to allow others to decide my life choices. I spent time in Black circles and homes and experienced some outright racist comments about "white girls" so I had it coming from all sides. But then, when I happened to be in the company of whites who did not know about this they would freely make jokes and negative comments and use the "N" word. Needless to say I did not take this lying down and got into many a heated battle. The comments did not always emerge from the obvious sources. I heard nice old ladies talk like this too. That was a long time ago and I find things have changed immensely in the White circles.
But as you say, racism exists on all "sides". I feel your and your husband's frustration about this.
Let's just say that when someone makes an ignorant comment they will open themselves to a possible case of whoopass.
I ended up getting married within my own race. I had a daughter who wanted to date a Black boy. I absolutely refused to let her. She of course came back in my face that I was just being prejudiced. Until I sat her down and explained what happened to me and I did not want her to suffer the consequences. I told her that when she got older and had more life skills I would accept anybody she fell in love with, but until that time I had to protect her.
I personally think you are completely wrong to state that black people can be racist. Black people by their very nature and experience do not hate because of the colour of their skin. We are racist by necessity; as a protective reaction to what we are subjected to by whites. I also have a white boyfriend and he is used to hearing me say stuff like "I can't stand whites" etc. I am talking not about the external skin colour but about the behaviour and treatment of 99% of the whites I have encountered. This woman in your may have been exaggerating but I am yet to meet a black person who genuinely hates on the basis of skin colour alone. But I have met countless white who have called me names and been cruel to me since the age of 4. Imagine being told "fcuk off Blackie" by an adult when u r 5 yrs old. A black person would never that to an innocent child.
I personally think you are completely wrong to state that black people can be racist. Black people by their very nature and experience do not hate because of the colour of their skin. We are racist by necessity; as a protective reaction to what we are subjected to by whites. I also have a white boyfriend and he is used to hearing me say stuff like "I can't stand whites" etc. I am talking not about the external skin colour but about the behaviour and treatment of 99% of the whites I have encountered. This woman in your may have been exaggerating but I am yet to meet a black person who genuinely hates on the basis of skin colour alone. But I have met countless white who have called me names and been cruel to me since the age of 4. Imagine being told "fcuk off Blackie" by an adult when u r 5 yrs old. A black person would never that to an innocent child.
So the mass exodus continues...
Angela's comment is perhaps the most perplexing piece I've read in a long time. She makes statements like,'I can't stand those white people', and yet has a white boyfriend. In my humble opinion, she is the poster-child for black America today. We blacks have always had a love-hate relationship with whites. We are tolerated in good times, scapegoated in bad times, but never fully accepted @any time. So just because they invite you in their homes, put their arms around you, and phuc up doesn't mean they accept you. In the antebellum period of our great nation, whites slept with blacks, excuse me, black slaves all the time!
But Yes, blacks can be racist to! However, do not pretend to be so surprised! We all know whites have been and still are in some cases far more racist - with impunity, I might add - to a much greater extent than blacks can afford to be.
The fact that you, mimi, can so easily and quickly infer or suggest that these women in the hair-salon were racist by a few stupid collection of words is frightening. We've all (white & black) made such statements before, perhaps in the heat of passion! I think actions speak louder than words anyway. In Another hub, you mentioned how whites got their kids out of the local pool because too many black kids got in. (Something I've actually blogged about on my own website) The fact that they actually physically got their kids out should say something about the depth of their collective ignorance, hate, or both regarding us.
Lastly, I wanna strongly encourage you not to draw such damaging conclusions of black people or of any people for that matter, so precipitously until you are absolutely sure because those comments were more mean-spirited than racist!
P.S.
To all of you reading this, I would hope that you not be shunned by my words. These forums are suppose to provide some dynamic in the continuity of ideas anyway, no. Or did we all come here to pat each other on the back? We should always seek to be stimulated to new ways of thinking that we may move forward as a civilization?
theleftflank: On my hub your claims are you are white, on this hub your claims are you are black. Which point of view are you discussing? I understand exactly what she is saying however my husband is black and to say that all black people are not accepted that is not true many of us do not see color and it is the ones that are ignorant that look at a man or women and determine what kind of person they are based on skin color that makes it more complicated for the rest of us who do not see it at all. :)
AEvans: You are everywhere these days...
Let's begin shall we...
I make no claims. So please do try to stay within the context of the above topic because your hub and this one are under two totally different sets of circumstances. Oversimplifying the issue here by implying that I'm maybe double-speaking is somewhat slanderous.
Secondly, I wrote: We blacks have always had a love-hate relationship with whites. We are tolerated in good times, scapegoated in bad times, but never fully accepted @any time; I stand by that statement. Notice, I said we blacks. That's plural not singular like your husband, whom you have apparently accepted. That's great! I wish we had more people like you maybe my words wouldn't be necessary.
Lastly, I want to strongly highlight the fact that you do indeed see color, because you just told us that your husband is black. I can't prove if this claim is true or not so I'll just give you the benefit of a doubt and take it at face value. Even metaphorically speaking you see color; when you move into a new neighborhood or look at what schools to attend for yourselves or your kid(s) (if you have any) you ponder upon what reception you are likely to receive taking into consideration the colorful constitution of your marriage. I further posit that seeing color is not the problem. In the movie, RobinHood: Prince of Thieves, Morgan Freeman's character was asked by a little white girl who had never seen blacks before: Why did God paint you black? With much merriment, he wisely responded,'because Ala loves variety.'
And so do you apparently. I sincerely hope you don't tell your husband that you don't see his color, for it is an integral part of who he is whether you/he realize(s) it or not. It's akin to telling a Jew that you don't see his Jewishness at all to which, they'd all very likely label you an anti-Semite and ruin your life forever. Even though you mean well, it still comes off as offensive. Instead say something like: I have no hang-ups regarding color.
Till next time :)
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Béla Mongyi says:
7 months ago
Hi mimi! Well done! I think racism comes from stupid people and arguing with them may be hard. I don't even know what a racist can come up with to defend his or her point of view. I'm glad you stood up against it. People should thank you. I do.