All of us going through legal separations usually face this fork in the road. Do we attempt mediation or go to court? The majority of advice you will hear is that mediation should be tried, even if you think it will be a waste of time. Why? The biggest deciding factor is money. Mediation will generally cost you a lot less than a court proceeding. Mediation fees are usually split evenly between the parties and you will not have to pay the other party's mediation fees if things don't go well.

Aside from money, you also have to look at your case through the eyes of the family court system. Judges want to see that an attempt to settle occurred before taking it to a trial. It makes you look like a more reasonable party. It also scores you bonus points if you are the one who initiates the process. Send your ex or his/her lawyer a letter stating your request to attend mediation. The ball is now in their court and you have Exhibit A for your possible future court affidavit.

Attending mediation does not mean you have to spend endless days and money sitting across the table from your ex while all the time knowing he/she will only settle when a judges slams down his gavel. Go to mediation and give it a shot. You will know early on if it is a waste of time. Insist on having an agenda and a timeframe to get through the outstanding issues. Don't let the ex confuse things with endless additions to the list. If they refuse to stick to it and behave like a child then walk. A decent mediator won't let it go down that road anyway. And if they do, then find yourself a new mediator.

Are there situations when going to court first and foremost is the best choice? Absolutely! If there are abuse issues and restraining orders to put in place then your first stop should be the court house. I also highly recommend going directly to court in the early days of separation to get an order in place to enforce support and visitation. Get that out of the way initially, then proceed to mediation and finalize all other matters.

My last tidbit of advice - DO NOT sign any papers until they are vetted by your legal counsel. A mediator is not a lawyer and they too make mistakes or recommend solutions that may not be in your best interest. Always take a settlement to your lawyer for final review before siging on the dotted line.