I rolled down my car windows as I left Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey in Hexham, fully knowing that this was just the first of my many happy departures from this Zen monastery. I felt so much lighter in every respect, literally feeling like I have left behind a huge baggage.

Introductory Retreat

There was about 14 of us who stayed in the Abbey for a weekend introductory retreat, where we lived and meditated with the Zen monks, and learned more about their tradition, which was rooted in Soto Zen Buddhism.

We got up at 6am and went to bed at 10pm. Our schedule comprised mostly of:

• Sitting and working meditations (about 5x a day)
• Ritualistic shared meals (3x a day) which are taken in complete silence
• A morning and evening service
• Spiritual readings
• Dharma talks
• Q&A type discussions as we sipped tea.

We were given break times which could be spent by reading, taking a walk or a nap, or listening to the archived audio files in the library. I spent it mostly by reading and sitting outside in the sun!

The Common Divine

One thing that struck me was the practice of doing gassho. Gassho is a bowing gesture (with palms together at chest level) made as a form of greeting, respect, gratitude or acknowledgement.

At first I found it awkward and bothersome having to bow to everyone at every occasion. Eventually I recognized the significance behind it. It's a way of recognizing the divine oneness present in everyone, and in every creation.

I could see how it's possible to end our struggles and solve most of our problems as a species if we all see the divine essence in each human being. If we see the wholeness of another, we will see our own.

Much of the social ills we suffer from now can end if we all uphold our Oneness in our awareness, for we will inevitably treat each other with respect, love and compassion.

I felt this experience deeply during the retreat. Although we all hardly exchanged any words between us, I felt connected with everyone. It was a feeling of knowing that finally, they saw who I really am, and I had nothing to prove anymore.

My worth as a person was not measured up by judging my achievements or my financial or social status; not by my looks or the clothes I wore, the car I drove or by what I did for a living. I was respected and recognized simply for who I am, and nothing I did or say could ever change that.

What a tremendous gift to give to another: to accept, respect and honour a human being without asking for any prerequisites. As I bowed in gassho, I couldn't help but feel deeply at peace.

Weeding my Mind
My first task to do as part of working meditation exercise was to weed a portion of the garden where the pet cemetery was. It was such a bright and hot sunny day so I was more than thrilled to go out and work!

While doing a working meditation, I was encouraged to not let thoughts about the past and future interfere with my present experience. Zen is about non-judgment and complete acceptance of the present moment, whatever arises. So there I was in my overall, gloves and boots, pulling weeds away for the first time ever, but it wasn't just the garden that got weeded!

I paid attention to my surroundings: the magnificent trees and plants, the glorious sunshine, the warm weather, the fresh air. I naturally felt gratitude well up from within me.

I noticed all the things I had to be thankful for: the fact that I was alive and breathing, that I was completely healthy to be out weeding the garden in the first place, etc., I felt so blessed, so alive, so grateful!

I realised how we often miss the gift each moment brings because our mind is too noisy, too distracted, because our attention is either in the past or the future and never in the present moment.

We look but don't see.

We listen but don't hear.

Life happens right in front of us and we miss it.

It occured to me how I had been living my life without really experiencing Life in its totality, in its pureness. I realised how most of the time, I was experiencing mere mental projections and illussions, not the Truth.

So there I was, sweating under the heat of the sun, weeding my mind and the garden. What a holy experience!

Kensho with a Mop

On Saturday afternoon I helped in the kitchen, and was tasked to dry-mop the concrete floor. Having such a grand time in the garden, I applied myself fully into it, conscious of every move, fully there in the moment.

And then it happened: Time stopped. I felt an overwhelming sense of expansion from within. My eyes welled up as I tried to conceal the indescribable joy I felt right there and then as a great insight was revealed to me: that every moment is holy.

I spontaneously connected with that which is beyond all form- the space, the unconditioned pure potentiality that is the essence of everything.

Every moment is Holy.

Aaaahh what a revelation!

This moment is sacred, divine...what great joy to behold each moment with a fully open and awake presence!

Cosmic Joke

We gathered around one morning as Rev. Raymond told us the well-known story of how Siddharta Gotama Buddha first learned about suffering. The story is more commonly known as the “four sights”, where Siddharta saw an old man, a crippled man, a corpse, and lastly a monk. When telling the story, Reverend Raymond used the words, “...and then he met a holy man.” I found the phrase redundant. It was like saying “then he saw a white polar bear”. The phrase hit me like a cosmic joke. The realization was so profound, I wanted to laugh out so loud.

Isn’t every one holy?

How many of us act like paupers, blind to our worth so we beg, borrow or steal love from others - completely unaware that as children of God, love is who we are?

Home at Last

There was a happy grin on my face as I whizzed down the long winding narrow country road, excited to see my boyfriend again. The warm breeze playfully blew my long black hair in all directions and caressed my face. I drew in deep breaths as I looked over to the fields. The sun was shining high, illuminating everything.

What I got out of my stay there was so much more than I could have anticipated. There is peace and a certain feeling of wholeness inside me now, and no matter what I do it remains there, like an eternal waterfall murmuring soundlessly in the background. My mission now is to remain aware of this stillness, at all times and in every instance.

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