I am the only female in my household. You may think that living among a man, a boy and one male dog would give me some insight into the male gender, but in writing this, I found I had a lot to learn.

What Makes a Man, a Man?

I have been thinking about this question long and hard (and if you are a man, I can guess where your mind went after reading the words “long” and “hard”). Okay, I admit it. I too thought about sex for a moment, which made me think about testosterone, the principal male sex hormone.

Does Testosterone Make the Man?

Well yes, and no. Scientists have determined that at about six weeks after conception, testosterone works its magic and, ala kazam, the formerly sexless XY fetus sprouts a penis. But men are not the only ones who have testosterone. Women have it as well, just in much smaller quantities. We know that testosterone plays a significant role in sex drive, as well as an increase in muscle mass and strength, the appearance of facial and chest hair, deepening of the voice, and the growth of the Adams apple. Testosterone is also linked to increased energy and feelings of well being.

How Does Testosterone Affect Behavior?

There is still much debate when it comes to testosterone’s role in human behavior. In an experiment Robert M. Sapolsky wrote about in his book, The Trouble with Testosterone, the “Source” of testosterone was removed in several species. And by “Source”, I mean those furry danglers we call testicles. When the source of testosterone was removed, the levels of aggression typically declined. And when testosterone levels were reinstated by means of synthetic testosterone injections, the aggression returned. Sapolsky showed a correlation between aggression and testosterone levels, however, scientists continue to debate cause and effect. Does elevated testosterone cause aggression, or does aggression cause elevated testosterone levels?

The late Professor James Dabbs, who lead research on testosterone and human behavior at Georgia State University, compiled his findings and published the book, Heroes, Rogues and Lovers, Testosterone and Behavior in 2000. Dabbs claimed there was indeed a correlation between testosterone and behaviors like dominance and aggression. These traits, during our species’ early days, enabled the male to protect his mate and offspring. But what value does aggression and dominance have in American society today?

Dabbs’ research showed that higher testosterone levels were statistically linked to behavior that defied social norms. After studying testosterone levels in over 4,000 men, he stated, "the overall picture among the high-testosterone men is one of delinquency, substance abuse and a tendency toward excess." Dabbs is careful to point out that testosterone is only one factor influencing our behavior. He states that, ''Circumstance, motivation and values'' also have a great impact on how we will respond in any given situation.

What Makes a Good Man?

During my research, I asked several men and women this question. I was surprised to see that many of the qualities that separate a good man from the rest, were those that suggest an ability to control their biochemical programming. Here are a few of their responses.

To me a man is someone who owns his responsibilities and sees them through regardless of the level of personal sacrifice, whether it's to his wife, kids, family, job, home, etc.

A real man is gentle and kind, not a brute.

A real man appreciates life's still, quiet moments and isn't afraid to be seen showing compassion, yet should still be a rock and an anchor for those around him.

A real man is patient and not easily provoked to anger.

A real man is not afraid to say he's sorry when he's wronged someone, whether intended or not.

A real man is not afraid to ask for help when the pressures of life become too great.

T. Clayton

One day I went from rough, tough, hard to bluff...to huff, puff, and I'm full O’ stuff.

Now I use words and phrases like vulnerability, humility, and I was wrong. I ask myself everyday what can I do to be a better father, boyfriend, person, and human being. You want more love in the world; create more love in your heart.

R. Webber

For me, the very definition of a good man is a man with SELF CONTROL. A good man has the ability to control the very primal urges that all men have. The urge to be aggressive, to intimidate, to seek and conquer as many women as possible, the urge party and drink too much. A man who can control these urges and be honest at the same time...well, I pretty much put him on a pedestal.

D. Patterson (A female responder)

I think most men gradually acquire the skills to be a good man over time and learn to apply them appropriately and more consistently with practice. Unfortunately for women, man is a basic unit, a stock model, born with eons of pre-programming to rewrite, and that is a time consuming undertaking. As much as the ladies disdain these male characteristics, you wouldn't be here without them. So we'd all appreciate a little patience and understanding while we try to temper some of these instincts you find disgusting most of the time. Yes, I said MOST, because I have seen you all swoon at the very feats of strength that you so strongly complain about, and enjoy some of the animalistic qualities you find disgusting in public. And you must realize how much confusion such vacillation causes, but we continue our training in order to please you, to become "good men". So after rinsing out the tub so Jessica would have a clean bath (that's one for "good man" column) I hinted that tacos would go nicely with the margaritas I just had in the tub in a suggestive manner (that's 2 in the "boy" column). It's a process. Good luck guys. Sorry ladies.

J. Ford

Knowing what I know now, I find it remarkable that so many men are successfully taming the testosterone beast. The feat of getting through life in a culture that frowns upon the activities men were designed and driven to do, is not to be taken lightly. Think about the effect estrogen has on women. If I had to take on estrogen, I’m fairly sure that in the end, I’d be the one lying crumpled and defeated on the battlefield. To deny my emotional qualities, to stifle my need to nurture, to deprive myself of chocolate would be an insurmountable task, I’m afraid. So I conclude this article with a newfound respect for my male counterparts. Here’s to you, strong and virile men, who courageously battle testosterone’s dark side...and emerge champions!