Men Who Make Excuses For Their Bad Behavior!
86Women need to stop allowing men to blame their bad behavior on them! Give me a break!
Ladies, whatever you do... do not buy into these lies that many men are telling!
Okay, I'm really upset with unfaithful men right now... and also the women who are willing to buy into their incredibly selfish stories and excuses! Ladies, don't you realize what you are allowing by doing so?
Men - if you want to ever hope of having a loving and trusting relationship with a woman (and I know many of you do) - you must get your act together and become accountable for your own actions! Stop blaming the relationship, or the woman - for your unacceptable choices and behavior. Lets get real!
Women are the most forgiving creatures on the planet! That is one of the great qualities of women. But, do not let any man - prey and benefit from such a wonderful quality about you, and at your expense.
Guys, you must stop using this wonderful nature about women - to get away with your stuff! As a woman, this is what is really so disgusting to me personally - about this whole exchange. It is clearly emotional manipulation - and it must be recognized, and not allowed any longer. I think men, who engage in this type of manipulation in their relationships - really ought to be ashamed of themselves.
Sadly ladies, this is still going on today. Because - women are still allowing it. Women are supposed to be much more evolved today... with all this "chick-power" promoted by the media! But in actuality, when it comes to relationships and marriages - women are losing even more ground than ever before...
The Truth About Cheating - Why Men Stray And What You Can Do To Prevent It
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The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It
Price: $3.27
List Price: $24.95 |
Why do men cheat? M. Gary Neuman thinks he has some answers...
Well, isn't this the age old question... Author M. Gary Neuman has just recently published the book, The Truth About Cheating - Why Men Stray And What You Can Do To Prevent It.
M. Gary Neuman, has been doing the media circuit and doing interviews with various talk show hosts, etc... about his book; and what makes it different. I happen to catch one of his interviews lately, and I was impressed. He does not place the blame of a man choosing to have an affair on women in general. He does however, focus on those things that can be made a priority in a relationship, that can help to prevent an affair - if your marriage is at risk.
From what I could gather, after listening to him discuss his book, The Truth About Cheating - Why Men Stray And What You Can Do To Prevent It - this author is on the right tract to preserving and repairing marriages against the awful tradegy of an affair, and ultimate divorce. I am going to recommend this book, with plans myself to read it. If you have read this book, I would invite you to share your thoughts...
Taking Responsibility For Your Behavior Is The First Step To Repairing A Broken Relationship!
- The success rate for making right a wrong in our lives - will soar, if you first will take responsibility for your own actions.
- Stop looking to place blame on anyone else's actions - to justify a choice that you have made to act out!
- Own your own decision to be dishonest and unfaithful in your relationship.
- Recognize that you must tell your partner that you understand these principles in regards to the damage that you have inflicted upon your relationship.
Commit to yourself and to your partner - the deep desire that you have, to re-establish trust.
Understand, that you will not be trusted by your partner for sometime and rightfully so.
It is your responsibility to help re-establish trust in your relationship and this requires time and good communication. Do not resent her.
Be true from this day on and you will most likely accomplish bringing the love and trust back into your relationship that you both desire.
Tell your partner how much you love and appreciate them and their willingness to allow you back into their heart.
Forgive yourself for being dishonest with yourself and others, who once trusted you - knowing that they can trust again - if you never do it again!
It is possible to dodge divorce following an affair...
Divorce, only two or three decades ago, was still frowned upon by most of society. While at the same time - the good old media was making the independent and newly divorced women - look powerful.
In reality, a divorced woman of 20 or 30 years ago, was still being looked upon with those skeptical, side-ways glances, by mainly - other women! I know this. My mother was a divorcee of the 60's and I observed how she was shunned - by mostly other women. Even today, I am a bit bothered by how divorced women are still treated by other women.... in particular, married women. But that, is another article to be written.
Many women who have experienced a divorce, are victims of unfaithful husbands - who would not reform. Many, now divorced women - have given these unrepentant men, most likely - more than one opportunity to redeem themselves and get the relationship back on track.
What went wrong?
Why do so many marriages which have experienced this type of devastation - ultimately find it too difficult to ever recover - resulting in the tragedy of divorce and broken homes?
It is my personal opinion, that the reason for so many failed marriages due to unfaithfulness - has everything to do with "whichever" partner was unfaithful - not taking full responsibility for their choice to do so!
Both men and women in marriages, are cheating today.
So, where and when does it stop?
Marriages can survive an affair, with honesty and accountability...
How to dodge a divorce and save your marriage...
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Men and Women are Both Cheating! Stopping the cycle is a choice for change and fidelity in marriages.
Statistics are now telling us that the numbers are pretty close to being equal. Shocking, isn't it. We always assume that it is men that do the sneaking around, right?
Regardless. The one who cheats, must also be the one to fix things in the relationship. Ultimately, they are the one with the problem and they have personal work to do - if they desire things to get better in their relationship.
I don't know why men tend to blame the women in their lives, more so than the other way around. Perhaps, it is because women seem to feel more pressure in our society to live up to some kind of sex-kitten persona to maintain their relationships. This, is simply a lie!
I believe that this is the reason why, women may be much more susceptible to falling for these lies, which men seem to be really good at using.
I recently read an article, where the author was bragging about overcoming an early affair in his marriage. He went on to list all the things that his wife of over two decades now - had done to help him stay faithful. He gave his wife attribution, for basically keeping him honest all these long years, since "his" initial unfaithfulness. This, because of the many "things" that she was willing to do for him - to keep him from cheating!
Give me a break! All I could think of, was the fact that this poor woman probably needs counseling -- and desperately. What will happen "if" or more likely "when" this guy gets bored? How will this women then feel - after she has done "everything" possible to keep her man?
Ladies - these are the types of lies that you must never - ever, buy! If that man really believes that he is not cheating because his wife is willing to be "freaky" with him now - he is continuing to live a life of dishonesty with himself and his very loyal wife. Pathetic!
Happily ever-after... can still be achieved, if honest communication is expected.
Women must not enable their men - If they want a future as a couple.
Women need to understand that men who will not take full responsibility for their choice to step out of a committed marriage and be unfaithful - will most likely do it again. Unless your husband or partner truly accepts their actions as only their own problem - hope of a successful future are fairly bleak.
Women who will refuse to allow their men - this kind of cop-out, will do a great service for their man and his rehabilitation. If you love him, and desire a future of trust with him - then make sure you don't accept any possible blame he tries to place on you and convince you of guilt with.
Help him to understand the overall consequences of his choices and behaviors on your relationship and family life. Unfortunately - even good men are buying into the lies that the media sells...
Women are not responsible for their men and husbands deciding to be unfaithful. That is a personal choice of which they will need to take full responsibility.
Write On!
The Truth About Cheating - Why Men Stay and What YouCan Do to Prevent It
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The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It
Price: $3.27
List Price: $24.95 |
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nashomega -
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I am glad that you too agree with these principles for healing a relationship, following unfaithfulness...
Write On!
really nice experience
Unfortunately, I would have to say that once a partner has cheated, they are many times more likely to do it again. In addition to this sad fact, is that the partner who was betrayed will never again trust this person (even if they are trying their very best to do so....it's always there). There may be some facade that is put on because this partner is trying their very best to trust again, but the truth is, this is an extremely serious infraction. We put our entire heart and soul into a relationship. This relationship has to be rooted in trust to be successful, and when one partner breaks the trust, the root system is destroyed. Can it be put back together, as you say? I guess the best answer is with individual couples.....but from my own experience, the pain of betrayal never goes away. How can you possibly trust a person who's capable of breaking your marriage vows? It's the very, very selfish act of a person who is definitely not thinking of you as they commit these actions. They are only thinking of themselves, and when they have the nerve to blame you, to blame it on something you may not have been doing, or whatever they come up with........please! They are simply throwing their garbage back on you to make themsevles feel better....to have some sorry excuse for their own actions!
So.....bottom line is, I think it's nice to believe things can be put back together after a betrayal (and I understand that people do it and may seem to be ok with it), but I personally choose not to stay with someone who's capable of being so terribly dishonest in a relationship....it's the ultimate betrayal. I would send that person away with love and wish them well for their next relationship (no sense in hurting yourself by being bitter....hurt yes, but anger only hurts you).....maybe they could get it right with someone else : )
Life's A Journey,
From your comment, it is clear that your "man" never took ownership for his own bad behavior, thus the ability to regain trust -was completely lost. As I said in this article... if this does not happen - a future is not possible.
Men (or women) who will not take responsibility for their choice to be unfaithful, but instead look to blame - are not serious about their infraction. These kinds of men - will do it again!
It is pure selfishness, thus the blame game.
But, "when" individuals take complete responsibility for their actions - and they remain true - this will rebuild trust. Yes, it is work - but marriage is work!
I believe that when these principles of taking responsibility and ownership of the infraction are applied - a relationship has a very good chance of repairing and moving forward.
Someone who has been betrayed, must be assured that their unfaithful partner "gets it"! They need to "get" what they have done, and the damage that "they" have inflicted on many other people - because of their own personal choice.
Counseling, is almost always necessary. You are right - trust is critical, but I believe that if both parties have a desire for a successful marriage - this really is possible.
Many good marriages, have survived this breech of trust. I believe also, that the principle of both repentance and forgiveness "must" be applied.
To be betrayed in such a way, requires work to forgive.
So, once again ladies.... IF YOU DO NOT FEEL THAT YOUR MAN IS OWNING HIS STUFF - RUN!
I think someone once said - you can only be a victim of an unfaithful man ONCE - after that... yuuuuz just da fooool! Wise. LOL
Write On!
White Atlantic -
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Glad you liked the hub.
Write On!
very effective and it is not biased. all of these are so true. cheaters should read this. now is the time to remorse and if it can still be worked out, start now.no more procrastinating
ruthycarla,
Thanks for commenting. I am glad you feel the article is fair. I too hope that it will encourage more "cheaters" to reform and save a family or two along the way.:-)
Write On!
So so true. I think alot of problems in relationships are because of the blame game- one partner does something wrong and blames the other- therefore not taking any responsibility for their bad actions!Great hub!
Dorsi -
I'm with you... The blame-game will do nothing to repair and progress a situation. Taking responsibility for our actions, is always the first place to start, if repair is the goal.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Write On!
well I agree on some points and not on other's. It is very important if there are children involved or not. One might be able to start over and Trust again given time when children aren't involved..Get counseling etc. as well with children involved. But it takes it toll a lot harder when the kids watch and pick up the vibs from what has happened. And believe me they know....so alot of thought must go into your decision...And after 2 years of thinking I chose divorce..I knew it would be the best thing for my children...Long story....we went the whole route..and it just was no good.
Try and try again though... G-Ma :o) hugs
G-Ma,
You bring up some very important points, that are critical to consider when attempting to heal a broken marriage. As you bring here, it is not always possible even in the most sincere situations.
Write On!
Excellent and I loved the pictures.
Your view is clear direct and to the point. You are absolutely correct in regards to the media and I agree that women should not take responsibility for there spouse's actions. I do believe however counseling can work and re-building trust can happen one has to find out where the breakdown began and work on it from there. If the other partner however chooses not to stay "let him or her go without bitterness. Work on healing yourself and love will find its way back to you in a positive healthy way if you allow it. If there are children involved in the marriage just remember you are role models so whatever choice you make , you may have to explain the circumstance and situation depending on the age of the child. Never ever show hate to one another in front of them as they are our next generation and we need to guide them in a healthy direction.
AEvans -
I agree that counseling can work to repair a marriage, after there has been unfaithfulness in the marriage. I'm not sure how effective counseling would be, to discover where a breakdown happened? This approach, assumes that the unfaithful behavior was a product of the "relationship" and not the individual who acted out.
I am still prone to believe that counseling can be effective, as a way to work at finding trust in a relationship once again - but only on the condition that the unfaithful partner first recognizes their personal weakness, in making such a devastating decision in the marriage.
I agree, that if the time comes that both partners are not on the same page in making those changes to save their marriage - a positive separation is very important. Children should never have to suffer more than is necessary, when parents choose to divorce. I am a child of divorce and feel quite passionate about children when it comes to divorce.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Write On!
Great article. This is the other side of marriage protection.
Government can only pick up the pieces on this one. Amendments and laws can support, but it is up to men and women to take on their responsibilities. We, as a society, depend on each other. We are the sum of each person's behaviour.
Thank you for sharing your insight on this important issue. You and I have been blessed with faithful spouses, as have many other couples. Many men, however, just don't get it. We all know guys like this: They have a loving wife and family, then the cheat. They don't realize what they have until they've lost it all. I believe that a common root of this problem starts with pornography. It is an alarming epidemic that plagues too many marriages.
There are some points I agree on. It is hard when children are involved. You try to make things work & attempt to trust the other person after an affair. Sometimes a couple isn't meant to stay together. Going for counseling will help mentally & emotionally, though you wonder what damage the children have experienced. I had to divorced my son's father after 2 years of marriage. Yet we are the best of friends.
Actions have consequences....it's that simple.
Willis -
"We are the sum of each other's behavior". How true this is... Thank you for sharing:-)
Write On!
TLC Grandparent -
You bring up an interesting topic in itself, and that is the issue of pornography. Many women feel that when a husband engages in pornography, that they have been cheated on emotionally. I have spoken with some of these women, and many of them feel that repairing an extra-marital affair has more hope, than a husband who has become addicted to pornography. Such a sad tale...
Write On!
Claudia -
I am happy for your child, that you and your ex-spouse have been able to retain a positive relationship. As a child of divorce myself, I can only imagine how this would affect a child in only good ways:-)
Write On!
How-to,
That is an absolute statement:-)
Write ON!
Excellent Hub and Thread of discussion as well! Its been Dugg, thanks to Nana LDSAskMormon who sent it to me as well!
Divorce used to be illegal in Korea, until after the 1960s - 1970s. That kind of law would be impossible to enforce in the US, but actions should indeed have consequences. I like the accountability factor for both spouses.
we should be responsible enough with our actions. Do what you think is good for you as long as you know you that you're in a right track. Important is that _--you are happy.
Very well done!
I'm afraid I have to agree with Life's Journey that I have serious doubts that full trust can be re-established after this type of betrayal. I wish any and all couples trying to rebuild their marriage much luck. Hopefully, some of them will make it.
Great Read with good insight to the inner working of relationships.
I agree with the article, however no one ever mentioned about the fact that some married women after they have children they just want to be a mom, they don't want to be a woman anymore, meaning that they just don't care about looking good for their husbands anymore. They tend to dress and look frumpy and somewhat lost their feminity, cause they just want to be a mom. And they probably have lost some desire for sex. What's a man to do, not having sex indefinitely? And the wife think he is not going anywhere cause they have kids together? yeah he'll stick around for the children, however a man has his limits. He is just a human being with sexual needs, it's not like the needs stopped once he has kids. The wife needs to be fair and consider this factor.
maya -
Yours is a common complaint. However, I don' believe that the problem lies in the fact that a woman only wants to be a mother, after bearing children, and has lost her interest in being a wife.
I think that there is a whole lot more going on, and that is going to requires some extra effort to find out - what? Regardless, this situation is the worst excuse for having an extramarital affair, and points to the selfishness of the partner who might stray.
Having children is challenging. Maintaining a strong marriage is really challenging, and requires a stellar commitment.
All I can say, is don't do it - you WILL regret a choice to stray; and repairing the damage is much more work, than working through the original problems that you might be having right now.
Write On!
I agree there's a lot more going on that can trouble the marriage besides the frumpy looks. The 'I don't care how I look anymore ...' can only be a symptom. It maybe caused by communication problem in the way that each other don't feel respected. My thoughts here are more on the practical day to day matters that affect two people living together that over time can turn each other off but still living together because of habit, people get use to each other, and their routines. They can't change their habits, so they just cheat on the side. This way they don't have to rearrange their life in a big way, too much effort.
Hi...faithfulness is an quality more valuable than gold...
Enlydia -
That, is an absolute statement!
Write On!
I like all the comments and i myself just went thru the painful discovering of my husband having an affair on line.No, phsyciall action was ever involed but, it was still affair that started in jauary of this year. I confronted many times throught the year but, finally got solid eviedence 2 weeks ago i have all these emotions and reading articles going to conseling it hurts so bad. I dont want to lose my family and for my to fall apart. I know i'm stupid! i was want it to all go away! I couldn't bare the thought of being alone and starting over.I will have to deal with if he does it again but, for now we are working on being as one again and not three!
Katherine -
I'm so sorry for the pain that your recent discovery is causing you. However, I know that if both you and your husband will re-commit to your marriage, that eventually you can rebuild trust. A family is worth your very best efforts to preserve - but it will require that both of you want the very same thing. I believe it forgiveness, and repair.
My best to the both of you.
Write On!
It looks as if you are really trying to understand and work through some deep pain. I admire you for this. Keep up the hard work. There is a pay off in the end. Keep telling yourself that this all makes you a better person, because it does, if you are careful about how to channel the pain. This is exactly the time for your massive personal growth. Thank you for showing us your struggle in this topic. God bless.
recraig2-
I appreciate your concern for me personally, however - I just celebrated my 30th wedding anniversary, to a man who understands commitment. I know... I am blessed:-)
Write On!
You are a sexist. I met a woman, dated her for four years, married her, and then she left after 1 month. She got pregnant by another man, spent all my money, still lives as an adulteress, and the people think it is funny. She is the victim because she has Borderline Personality Disorder and can't help herself. Not only is my heart broken, but I am now living in poverty; she, on the other hand, is enjoying the good life with her latest victim. Yeah, she has done this to four men (including me) and she is working on her fifth. The other three men she abused and I have formed this fraternity of men who now don't trust women because they are liars and whores.
James -
No, I am not a sexist. Perhaps you missed this...
"It is my personal opinion, that the reason for so many failed marriages due to unfaithfulness - has everything to do with "whichever" partner was unfaithful - not taking full responsibility for their choice to do so!
Both men and women in marriages, are cheating today."
And this...
"Statistics are now telling us that the numbers are pretty close to being equal. Shocking, isn't it. We always assume that it is men that do the sneaking around, right?"
I'm truly sorry for what you a have experienced. Men can be just as damaged due to a heartbreaking relationship. However, I would never give another person, male or female, the power to leave me left bitter. Life is too short.
Hopefully you will get to the point of moving forward, and taking the lessons you've learned - and somehow turn it to a positive. This woman that you speak of, should never be allowed to take your life away. And the fact is, she can't - unless you allow her to and choose to remain bitter.
Write On!
nashomega says:
14 months ago
A wonderful hub! Very beautiful and well versed...and all is true
Keep writing...