Men and Divorce

With a divorce rate of 50% in the United States, unfortunately there is a good chance that you or somebody you know will be going through a divorce. But believe it or not, women and children aren't the only the victims of a divorce.There is often a misconception that the man is always the enemy in the divorce, that he is trying to kick his wife to the street, leaving her with nothing. The truth is that a woman is twice as likely to file for a divorce than a man. And with the vast majority of divorce laws favoring women, it leaves the man with a uphill battle from the beginning. Of course, over zealous divorce attorneys don't help the matter!

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In a perfect world all divorces would be uncontested, but we all know that we don't live in a perfect world. An uncontested divorce is when both parties can come to an agreement an every matter involved. This can be accomplished by the couple themselves or with the aid of a mediator. An uncontested divorce is more common when the couple hasn't been married for a long period of time and if there are no children involved. In other words, you can make a "clean split" without the trouble of dealing with a divorce attorney, a judge, and the added stress.

Then there is the uglier side of a divorce. A contested divorce is often the long drawn out process that everyone despises the most. It involves divorce attorneys, the courts, long mediation sessions that go nowhere, and often times ridiculous demands made by one or both parties. This usually involves child custody issues, alimony, the distribution of assets, and everything else that makes a divorce turn ugly. This is compounded by the thousands of dollars that you will have to spend on attorney's fees.

To get a better idea of the differences, read this article on uncontested vs contested divorces.

There is no denying the fact that finding that perfect divorce attorney is an essential step in the divorce process. Some guys don't even know where to start. I am willing to bet that you know someone who has gotten a divorce fairly recently. You can start by asking them about their experiences and who they have talked with. They may have a good recommendation or could at least point you in the right direction.

My only advice is that you try and stay away from those divorce attorneys that you see advertising on late night television. The best divorce attorneys gain their advertising through word of mouth, and don't need to belittle themselves by begging for clients via TV commercials. For more in-depth information on how to find the right divorce attorney read this article.

It's shouldn't be unexpected that your divorce attorney do everything that he/she can to get a favorable settlement for your case. If you feel that they are not giving you 100%, confromt them about it. Remember you hired them and you can fire them just the same!

Your divorce attorney should be working for an out of court settlement first, this is not only the less stressful choice, but it could save you a ton in legal fees. If your divorce attorney pushes for court from the beginning, you may need to re-think your choice of attorney. That is just a sure-fire way for them to pad their pockets.

Your divorce attorney is not your therapist. If you need emotional support look to your friends and family. Your attorney is going to tell you what you want to hear regardless of the situation, and at $250/hour that's one expensive brown noser.

Money Saving Tip - If you have questions for your attorney, then start a list. And wait until you have a regular appointment to bring them up. If you can't wait that long, then make sure you have a long enough list to make up for the $250 a hour that it will cost you to make a phone call to your attorney!

Alimony is not always a given when going through a divorce, although your wife's attorney may beg to differ. You need to know when to stand your ground and when you are fighting a losing battle...

1.) There is a situation when you will have to pay some alimony regardless of your defense. If you had a long-term marriage, 10+ years, with kids and a wife who was a full time mom, then let's face it you are going to have to pay some sort of alimony. And it would be fairly brutal of you to try and deny that to someone who has pretty much dedicated her life to raising your kids as you work on furthering your career.

2.) In a shorter term marriage, say 5 or 6 years, and there are kids involved then it gets a little trickier. If requested, your soon to be ex-wife will probably be granted some sort of alimony based on your previous standard of life. You can figure that the alimony could run for about half as long as you were married. Now obviously, this is completely different than child support, which gets into a whole different area.

3.) But in a new marriage, 2-3 years, and you both were employed or at least have the ability to be employed, then you have good grounds to fight the request for alimony. Her divorce attorney will probably push for it, but if you stand your ground, and provide a good defense then the judge will probably rule against the request.

The only way that alimony may be granted in this case is if you have a wealthy lifestyle that she has become accustomed to. In which case, I would hope that you had a pre-nuptial agreement, if not, then prepared to be punished for your lack of good judgment. But if that was to occur then a settlement would be more in your favor than regular alimony payments.

Although it is less common... Yes, a man can be granted alimony!

There are situations when the wife has the stable, higher paying job, and yes she can be ordered to pay alimony. The man needs to have pretty good evidence that he does not have the capacity to obtain comparable employment. This could be as simple as lack of experience or formal education.

Another situation, may be when the wife was wealthy to begin with and the husband has become accustomed to a better lifestyle. Again this occurs when there is no pre-nup, which in that case a large lump sum settlement is more common than ongoing alimony payments.

No matter how much stress you are feeling during your divorce it is crucial that you try and stay as calm as you can. Even if you are normally the most non-aggressive person in the world, you will come out looking like a bad guy if you walk into that courtroom full of anger. The judge won't know you from your lawyer, but he/she will take a keen interest in you if you let your emotions get the best of you!

Be forewarned that your wife's attorney will try to push your buttons, and believe me he/she will know what buttons to push (per your wife). You have to realize that it is just a tactic the divorce attorneys use to bring out the worst in you... Don't Let It Get To You!!!

You can find out more about this other divorce information by going to this new blog completely dedicated to men and divorce.