Fact: Men can be real duh when it comes to buying gifts for their women, especially during the festival season.

Someday, when I hopefully make it to Heaven and they run the proverbial videotape playback of my life, I suspect that the part everyone up there will get a big laugh out of (besides my first sexual experience) is my annual Christmas ritual of picking out the wrong gift for a woman. Like the time I gave my modest, casual-clothes-loving college girlfriend a flaming Chinese silk jacket coloured so embarrassingly red that fire engines would pull over to let her by. Or the year I bought the same poor girl that most romantic of all gifts... a telescope.

It's not that men don't put time and effort into picking out gifts. Just go to any mall in the country this holiday season and you'll see thousands of guys wandering aimlessly from store to store, their eves glazed over. Some have been there so many hours that they could use a shave. Others quietly mumble to themselves. A few of the more proactive ones hold up pieces of lingerie and ask women passers-by if they'd like to get something like this for Christmas (with predictably mixed results).

See we do try to buy you something nice. We'll spend days looking for a gift that will win its Christmas-morning ohhs, ahhs, and excited kisses. The problem is that we don't have a clue. For example, we know from research that women like clothes. But here's what happens when we try to buy them.

Salesperson: May I help you?

Desperate man: Uhhh

SP: Perhaps a dress:

DM: Uh-huh

SP: What's her size?

DM: She wears a size-five bowling shoe.

At the point where the salesperson reveals that the dress we've taken for hours to select actually comes in six different colours, we run.

And that's when we decide to rely on our own wits. "Hmmin... if I were a woman, what would I like?" we ask ourselves. But given that my favourite present was a monster-truck toy that can crush soda cans and make electronic "yeee-ha" noises, "What would I like?" isn't a very helpful question.

So this year, I'm making a plea on behalf of all the men around the world: Please tell it's what you want for Christmas. Hints are fine, but specifics are a must. When hauling us through a jewellery store, don t just says, "Those are lovely bracelets." Elbow its in the ribs, point and then say, "That bracelet, three down and two over, is absolutely stunning." Clothes- try waving a dress in front of it's like a matador's cape and saving something along the lines of "I've been looking for this exact dress all year. And look! It's a size six, my size, a SIZE SIX.'

I guarantee that the following week no matter what you pick and no matter how expensive we will go and fetch it like the loyal golden retrievers we are. All we want is for you to be happy.