A bottle of Grey Goose on ice, incense and a dim firelight burning slowly while the krackles from the fire dance on key to a slow tune played in the background and a table set for a Royal couple is the perfect setting to show that the passion has far from escaped between you and your special someone.

Most times these romantic themes are devised by man in order to gain his woman's or potential 'new love's' approval on most relationship's first few dates. Over time you establish yourself as a reliable source of love and companionship and shoulder to lean or cry on when the time calls.

However, so many times are the case in which the flame dies off and a romantic evening is an effort far reached from the 'new love' stage and becomes rudimantary. Eventually, as in many cases, both the man and woman become content and abridged, and unwilling at times to try and rekindle any flame that may have been.

I was married young and so enveloped in the theory that marriage should last forever and as a man if you showcased your love as much as possible you were likely to have a lasting relationship. Needless to say however, such was not the case and the blame lies equally on both of us because firstly, we were young and uncompromiseable. Secondly the effort was not put forth as much as it should have been on her part as far as showing appreciation and affection towards me at the time.

At the particular time I was in the Army and before my deployment to Iraq, my work days drew late into the evenings servicing equipment and vehicles, going to ceremonies and quietly fearing the upcoming date of deployment. Most nights I wouldn't come home until 9:30 or 10 pm and understandabley after watching the kids during the day my wife was tired. I would assume 'baby detail' and greet my family before seeing them off to bed.

Our weekends were solely family time and an outing or two. After the day would draw to a near, my wife and I spent time together watching t.v. and whatever else seemed to keep us from absolutely getting on each other's nerves. As I look back on our situation it astonishes me as to why things didn't work out until one important factor always seemed to filter into the equation; unappreciation. As is the case with the display of affection when dealing with your woman, appreciation on a man's behalf could determine a man who is persistent in his show of love and courtship or short patienced when the effort is not returned.

 The case with intimacy in a relationship is rarely visited when dealing with the man and (as was the case in my marriage counseling) was said to be an issue of less importance for men.

Most men and women unacknowleged to the fact traits between sexes were clearly divided from primal assumptions would lean in agreement to the perception that all men are best served fast and aggresive.

Now, not with every woman I've had relations with have I had this problem. In fact, because of one of my 'lucky' encounters with a woman insisted on returning my displays of love and affection did I feel the need to write this article and tell as many women who may read how to keep your man vested in your relationship when clearly the issue is appreciation and the lack thereof. *Sigh*, she and I parted our ways because of military service and it pains me till this day that I lossed contact with her.

In the beginning I was of course the courter and could tell from the start that the chemistry between the both of us was no coincidence. Our romance was short lived but I learned many things from our time together including the same effort by man could be given by women to keep their men in the same sense. Taking it slow and sensual, attentive and spontaneous when it comes to acts of intimacy. Messages, bathtub treatments, seductive perfumes and body oils may seem a little too feminine to some men but could be just a few displays so many relationships lack.

•  Surprise him before he goes to work. Depending on when he wakes up (you gotta make the effort the night before if possible) make his path out the door last with him the whole day. Sounds cliche but a good morning breakfast, especially if it's out of the norm goes a long way in helping your man's day start off on the right foot. Before he leaves make sure he sees a sexy note waiting for him by his keys or whatever he never leaves at home while at work. The note should tell him how much of handsome man he is when he dresses for work and how much you can't wait to see him that evening. A "you're everything I've ever wanted in a man" footing couldn't hurt either.
• A gliding run of the fingers down both sides of the chest to get things started is a good first step. Proceed by 'helping' him out of his clothes, no rush, buttons on work clothes are hard to replace, make him wait. Contrary to common belief, men enjoy being touched and carrassed. Ask him how his day was while gently applying kisses to the back and sides of his ear. Play in his hair and offer a gentle neck rotation from time to time to relieve stress and back pains your man might have.
• Depending on your man's profession, he may enjoy an evening bath after coming home from a long day's work. Not only have a bath ready but his favorite boxers and tank top on the bed when he's finished. Lay him back on the bed and dry him off, put his lotion on and focus on the small of his back and feet/ankle when applying.
• If you have children most of these may seem far fetched but a ready plate and bath are okay. Leave him to peace for at least 20 minutes after he's taken his bath or entered his domain. Don't remind him of the comotion you've been dealing with when taking care of the kids during the day. Also, don't throw the kids or babies into his arm and then retreat to your long awaited comfort. Let him wind down and regardless of the mayheim you and the kids have been going through, leave him to unwind unless he persists on taking over.
• Spend time with him before you 'end your shift' with the kids. If both of you work, kids first but a set time has to come in play when sleep time is concerned for your children. Mommy and Daddy time is important to a healthy relationship, otherwise because of the workload of dealing with children, one of you will start to feel entitled to time off and that usually doesn't include the other. Once the kids are resting or in their room, sit out on the porch and enjoy each other's company, talk and catch up. What's new outside of your relationship, take the focus off the headaches, and peacefulness will find it's way in.
• Tease him a bit before jumping the sheets. It truly amazed me how some women are quick to have sex without foreplay of any kind when in relationships. Lay under the covers naked (the both of you) while the window is cracked just enough to let a cool breeze enter the room. Slowly rub your feet up and down his legs and feet, in other words play a little footsies! Slow music played low enough to set the mood will keep the conversations playful and seductive. Touch his face, his lips, his eyelids and eyelashes, rub the shape of his head while gazing at his closed eyes. Follow down to the outline of his ears and inner canal, proceed down his neck to middle collar bone then to his shoulders. With the back of your hand, rub your fingers down the extent of his arm (still under the sheets) down to his hands and slowly bring them to your lips, not sucking his fingers entirely but small kisses should do. Take his hand and then guide it to your desired place of arousal.
• Keep everything slow and indirect. Touch, feel and kiss as a prerequisite to the actual foreplay. The majority of a man's satisfaction is built up in his anticipation before the act of sex. Each time you feel you want do these things for your man, spice it up. Never become predictable, never touch your man in the same place twice in a row and for God's sake, change positions. Finishing and starting in the same positions become boring, not just to your man but never deny yourself the spontaneity.

There are several ways to return your partner's 'good behavior.' This advise is for men as well, relationships are a two way street and just as long as you don't try to jump your partner's lane you'll be safe from on-coming traffic (if that makes any sense). It's never fun to pull the weight in the love department regardless of sex. These suggestions aren't guaranteed to rekindle lost flames but are a good effort as was taught to me by example. Most importantly, when you already have this in a partner cherish it and return the favor, please.

thanks for reading...Peace.

R.Edwards