File this under: PLEASE-HUMOR-ME-HERE: I just don't understand something. Actually, I don't understand a lot of things. I don't understand what women see in me. I don't understand why the things I enjoy about myself are things they may not enjoy. I don't understand why women get upset when I don't call and yet get upset if I call too much.

I don't understand why women say they want "equal rights" when what they truly want is to be more than equal. I don't understand why women object to it when I wear boxers with holes in them.

(At least my underwear is always clean!) I don't understand why females like the "bad boys" when they are young and hot but they don't appreciate a nice guy like ME until they are older and have been around the block.

(Mind you, I am generalizing here. Not every woman who appreciates nice guys is "old" , with an attitude and showing signs of wear. Sometimes the "bad boy" splits while they are still somewhat young. I personally have "recently" dated women from "only 18" to "in-bed-you-don't-act-like-you're-50" but, I digress. . .)

Seriously, I wish someone would explain the way the HUBS system works. Explain it to me in English and in "shorthand."

When someone hands me a check I don't worry about statistics and ratings and anything that could be thought of or misconstrued as competitive. However, when I am sharing my soul with people for little or no money then I am left to consider nothing but these things.

I find a few things discouraging here.

I don't like it when something I think is good takes a back seat on the supposed "hot" or worse yet "best" list to something I threw on as an experiment while I had been drinking too much. . .or maybe not enough. . .

That just isn't healthy to my ego. It isn't the kind of diet my ego wishes to feed on, you know? (Oh! Just so you know, Michael Jackson is not on a diet. He is dead.) Okay, now that I have "justified" the way I categorized this hub, back to my point.

I don't understand why one of the so-called overall "best" hubs is on such an egotistic slot. Yes, I understand that HEALTH ties into the whole unselfish, "go green", don't overindulge mentality society is currently forcing down our throats in lieu of a tastier Quarter Pounder but GET REAL! Is it truly worth living to be over 100 if you are miserable inside most of the time?

I DO understand the diet thing. Sadly, I understand all too well why a hub on dieting would be at the top. A lot of people--notice I am avoiding saying WOMEN--don't get enough exercise and spend too much time sitting on their ever-broadening asses when they should be walking or working out.

You know damn well that a lot of us spend too much time here online and some of us don't get paid for it. (NOTE: right now the only job I have involves being at the computer so you cannot point a finger at ME.) Sometimes we have to get up and get some exercise. Even I try to get some kind of regular "workout: lick-ups, push-ins, pull-outs. . .

I also don't get the media continually trying to feed some pathetic need we have to not just let Michael Jackson and his arrests and drug abuse and all the allegations DIE!   Oh, no, I am wrong.

They can let all the NEGATIVE facts about Jackson die but they can't let continuously cashing in on a ONCE (but not lately) successful music career end; can they?

So I'm done for the moment, folks.

You BBWs (oh please!) keep taking comfort in people telling you ways to lose that fat other than the obvious ways you already know(i.e. exercise and surgery). According to medical charts, I should lose between 10 and 20 pounds but you won't find me searching for a quick fix here in the hub pages. After all, the people who post the hubs on these topics sit on their asses doing it AND they haven't been offered book deals so what does that tell you?

I will try not to go into a long rant on the Michael Jackson issue. I have a feeling this will fade away at least quicker than some of those hungry, hungry hippos out there will lose their overly-ample asses.

Still, have you seen a few of the so-called hubs on Jackson? There is one with a high score that could have been written by my youngest child halp asleep and on drugs! I'm not getting paid to critique hubpages though so I won't mention any names or make any further painfully honest remarks.

Suffice it to say, I don't think I will ever understand how someone can appear so ignorant and uneducated (in writing anyway) and still pull in a high score simply (I assume) because of subject matter. You would think that writing ability, grammar and spelling would count for something!

The only other explanation I can think of for such a high score on such a poorly-written hub is the guy might be sititng in front of his computer for hours clicking his own thing just to get it up. (Mind you, I sometimes sit in front of the computer clicking my own "thing" but it doesn't take lthat long to "get it up" and it goes down again.)

Never mind, I am too tired, annoyed and disappointed to make even a bad clever pun let alone a decent sexual innuendo.

(Sorry. . .really I am.)

My name is Phoenix and. . . that's the bottom line.