Suddenly I find myself reminiscing about my boyhood spent in our neighborhood. My wife laughs whenever she catches me in such mood and cries, "Midlife crisis!"

Midlife crisis is like an adult entering adolescence again, though on a higher level. You're not sure you want to go on--you feel like going back several years in time--but you know for certain you have no other recourse but to go forward. Yet, you go back, nonetheless--and sometimes spend so much time there that the past becomes more real than the present.Then, you snap out of it and begin living in the present again.

When the above happens, they say you're in a crisis, hence, midlife crisis. Hmm? To me it's more like--you've gone halfway through life, and now you want to survey the journey thus far by looking back. It's more appreciating life, God's gift and grace to you, counting your blessings, than being entangled in a crisis.

Well, sometimes, I do get lost during some parts of the journey and encounter a crisis--and I guess that's how you should call it, midlife crisis. Sometimes, at 49, I find myself marveling that I have really reached this far! I remember when I was a boy or a teenager, I never imagined myself becoming this old, or being 50. As a kid, I saw men in their 50s and called them old. Now, kids who see me in our neighborhood probably tell themselves, "Boy, he's old!" I'm now the old man--but not so old. Actually, I just started life 9 years ago. They say life begins at 40.

It's amazing how you find in life that suddenly, it's your turn to be old! And soon, it will be your turn to fill in the void in your assigned grave. We'll all have our turns. I just hope God will allow me to see my kids grown up and settled in life, each a man of God, each with their own ministries and families. And I hope I and my wife are going to go together (You see how you often think at midlife?).

I guess you can't help it. You are bound to look back and appreciate the good times you've had so far. I remember how cars and buses almost always stop when they're halfway traveling to the countryside. They take a rest or snack and talk about things or places they have passed by. And they also relish the prospects of what lies ahead. Life is like that. Do you call that crisis? I call that enjoyment--part of a pleasant vacation.

And yes, a vacation--that's what everyone needs during midlife. And it's what most people miss taking. They go on with their lives without a break, thinking only of accomplishing or getting more. You take an 8 or 10-hour trip without breaks and let's see what you end up looking or feeling--especially if you're the driver. You need to take a break!

And I don't mean you have to take a cruise or a costly vacation to some mountainside cabin. If you can do that, do it. Just make sure the expenses don't deprive you of a peaceful mind to ponder on how you've gone so far in life and appreciate your blessings. Taking a long leisurely walk around the park or the village or neighborhood is often enough. Say, a one or two-hour slow walk?

I just had a walk session this morning. I went around several blocks and around the park, slowly, reminiscing the days when, as kids, I and my playmates would run as fast as we could around these same street blocks. Or, we would check flowers for spiders, especially yellows flowers, and then collect them as pets. Or, we would run as we followed brightly colored butterflies of various sizes, also dragonflies, and never notice how that had brought us from the village to rice fields nearby.

I still remember the faces of my neighborhood friends then--Arturo, Romy, Boy, Gaspar, Jun, Ellen, Tony, Pablo, Tesa, Lota, Luis, and the rest. In fact, I seemed to hear our kiddie voices, excited as we had discovered things, or played games. I was suddenly back to those days as I was walking around the more shady part of the plaza, protected by spreading trees. Hey, where are they now, anyway? Some have moved to another subdivision. Some to another city, And most of them went to live abroad.

I also often remember the schoolmates I had in elementary and high school. I still remember how they looked and what expressions they were fond of saying. I remember the creek around our school, St. Patrick School, and the jungle around it, and how we hunted birds and fish there using homemade slingshots and air guns. And yes, the times we camped out on its bushy and shady premises as boy scouts. I remember Manny, Joselito, Audie, Dwight, Joey, Gaspar, Relly, Chito, Cesar, Luis, Greg and the rest.

And my high school classmates. I used to be some kind of a "big boss" back in my freshman and sophomore years in high school, in E. Rodriguez, Jr. High. I had loyal "men" or "minions" who were ready to go with me in street fights. I also had special friends whose coming to my life then was somewhat exceptional. I remember Ariel, Arthur, Romy, Tony, Samuel, Arturo, Cecilio, Jojo, Hermie, Edgardo, Mitzie, Josephine, Alejandria, and the rest.

Finally, I remember the time I first met Jesus personally. I received him as Savior and Friend in September 1980 but surrendered (and gave up all) to him as my Lord, God, and King in January 1998. It seems that all beginnings are simple and pleasant--what others call the honeymoon stage. But when it's over, it's time to bear the cross. And that's the longer part.

Amazing how all those times, which seemed to take forever then, now appears to be a mere delicate mist passing by, swiftly blown away by the wind, and then blown to gradually disappear into oblivion. It's as if those times never happened at all. Looking back, they seem to be what fairy tales are made of. But such fairy tales are often more real to me than the present.

I sigh reminiscing those special times with friends; when I was young and time and the future didn't seem matter. Do I want to really go back? Umm, yes and no. I wish to see those days again, but I've had enough of them, too. I always wonder with gusto what's next in the following chapters of my life.

If God permits, I still have so many years ahead of me. I'm looking forward to meeting new friends under new and different circumstances, and this time I meet them together with my dear wife. It's a totally new adventure altogether! And I'm thrilled with the prospects of having such adventures with my two kids, too!

Midlife crisis? Even that is a blessing from God!