Migraines plague 28 million Americans (Source: excerpt from Migraine Update: NINDS), yet they are often misunderstood and undertreated. Before I go on, I feel compelled to let you know that I am not a professional and I'm not offering medical advice in this article. I'm writing because I've suffered from chronic migraines for over 15 years, sometimes suffering attacks as frequently as 2-3 times a week, and I know how devastating they can be, physically and emotionally.

In meeting and talking with other migraineurs, I've noticed that, like myself, most feel that their condition is misunderstood by their spouses, families, friends and co-workers. Perhaps it's because we were conditioned by movies and plays in which a woman saying "I have a migraine" in refusal to her partner's advances was meant to elicit a laugh from the audience, or maybe it's a result of the fairly recent understanding of the nature of migraine disease by the medical community. Whatever the cause, it creates an added layer of suffering for those who are already dealing with the debilitating pain, nausea, vomiting, visual disturbances, light sensitivity, fatigue, depression and other symptoms associated with their migraines.

Another reason may be the fact that there are few outward signs. Most of us tend to retreat when a migraine gets unmanagable, laying down in a dark room and waiting for the misery to pass. Our friends and colleagues never see this. Our families tend to steer clear during those times as well. If our migraine attacks are frequent, we're fatigued, and putting time and effort into educating our loved ones about migraines is the last thing on our list, but it's exactly what we need to do. We have to be our own advocates. They truly don't understand that migraines are not just headaches but a debilitating disease and a life-changing disability.

I've often had a friend or relative give me a frustrated and skeptical look when I've had to turn down an invitation because of a migraine. I used to go off by myself feeling terrible, but now, if they're receptive, I try to explain. I share information and articles that make it easier for them to understand. This one - http://www.migraines.org/myth/mythreal.htm is excellent for helping them to begin to understand migraines from a medical point of view.

It's also important to understand that our own guilt may be our worst enemy. For years, I apologized when I had a migraine and felt terrible for impacting everyone's plans. Finally, it hit me that I have no reason to apologize. I have an illness and need understanding when I suffer an attack. It's nothing to feel guilty about, but many migraineurs share this trait. In a way, by doing this, we're training those around us to react negatively. If we apologize, we're communicating that we're doing something intentionally and with control to hurt them. It's a quietly destructive message to put out.

I think everyone who suffers from chronic illness deals with the issue of lack of understanding from partners, family and friends. It's not only life-changing for the patient, but for those around them and this can lead to resentment and frustration. Being aware of and sympathetic to the fact that it does impact the lives of our loved ones can make it a little easier. They need to know that their feelings are understood and be allowed to "melt down" occasionally just as we do. Allowing them the freedom to express their feelings and frustrations can improve relationships and ease the stress of day-to-day life. If they choose to, they can become active in support groups. We need to encourage them to get the help they need to deal with the circumstances, not berate them for it.

Thankfully, medications and therapies for migraines continue to improve. I know I've seen a huge improvement in the management of my migraines in the last 5 years thanks to some new medications, but we're not there yet. There's no cure, and no matter how well medication lessens our symptoms it seldom eliminates them, leaving us to live a less than optimal life. I know that migraines have changed the course of my life; I can't tell you how many opportunities I've lost or had to turn down because of them, but I'm still hopeful that there will be a breakthrough, and I believe that by raising awareness, I can help make that happen. The only way to change this is to continue to educate those around us, share information, and be persistent with our doctors and the medical community in general, hoping that someday there will be a cure and we won't have to live this way any longer.