There is nothing quite like a military wedding for pomp and pageantry. From the dashing dress uniforms to the distinctive arch of sabers, when a member of the armed forces marries, it is a grand occasion full of traditions. This is everything that you need to know about planning a military wedding, from customs to etiquette to practical considerations.

     In many ways, a military wedding is not that different than a civilian affair; all of the basic elements are comparable, it is merely how they are addressed that sets a military wedding apart. They can be held on a base, at a service academy, or in a regular civilian setting like a garden or a hotel. A military wedding can be officiated by a chaplain or a non-military clergyman (depending on where the ceremony is held). There are a lot of variations, but one thing that most military weddings will have in common is that they are usually very formal. And why not; those dress uniforms are ever so impressive!

The Engagement

    The military has its own approach to everything, and that includes the engagement. Although a man in the armed forces is free to give his intended any type of ring that he likes, he does also have options that are unique to his situation. A midshipman or cadet can make his proposal official with a miniature version of his class ring instead of the standard diamond solitaire (sometimes there will be a small diamond embedded in the class ring). ROTC personnel can opt for a miniature replica of their fraternity rings for the engagement ring. It is generally considered best to pair this type of engagement ring with a simple gold or platinum wedding band. Of course, a military bride can wear any style of wedding band she likes with a traditional diamond engagement ring.

     Something else that is unique to a military wedding are the pre-wedding arrangements. If you wish to be married by the chaplain on base, the protocol is to make the request in writing. A lead time of at least three months is generally needed, although a longer time may be necessary to secure a popular wedding date, just like at any house of worship. Certain people are also eligible to hold their wedding ceremony at one of the service academies, such as West Point or Annapolis. These would be graduates of the academy, officers or enlisted personnel assigned there (as well as their children), and the faculty and staff of the academy (and their dependants). As with most regular churches, there is no facility fee at a military chapel, but a donation is customary.

The Chaplain

     If the ceremony is to be held in a military chapel, the chaplain assigned to that post will be the officiant. When the bride or groom has another clergyman from his or her civilian church that the couple would like to have officiate, it may be possible to arrange for him to be a co-officiant with the chaplain. In this circumstance, you would not pay the chaplain to preside over your marriage ceremony, but it would be proper to offer an honorarium to the visiting officiant. Most military service academies and bases will be able to conduct Protestant, Catholic, and Jewish ceremonies.

     As in civilian marriages, pre-marital counseling or courses are advised for military brides and grooms. The Marine Corps, for instance, offers workshops such as "The Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program" which are designed to address both conventional marital issues such as relationship building and managing finances, as well as concerns that are specific to military marriages. Topics covered would include things such as how to handle the long separations caused by deployments, frequent moves, and re-adjusting to family life after a deployment. The goal of these programs is to prepare couples to manage the stresses that are inherent in a military marriage and to reduce divorce rates. They have proven to be very successful.

      Once the date has been set, the chapel secured, and the workshops completed, it is time to order wedding invitations. The invitations for a wedding of an armed services member will follow the traditional formal wedding invitation wording, with a few minor changes. The only difference between a military and civilian wedding invitation is in the titles. If the groom is in the armed forces, he would list his military branch and possibly his rank rather than using the civilian title "Mr.". A military bride may opt to use her title or to omit it.

Sample Invitation

     Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Richard Douglas Drake / request the honor of your presence / at the marriage of their daughter / Camilla Grace / to / Colonel Chase James Smith / United States Army/ Saturday, the ninth of October / Two thousand and nine / at one o'clock in the afternoon / Cadet Chapel / West Point, New York.

• There are a number of things to note about this sample invitation. The example presumes that the father of the bride is a retired military officer. Notice that he does not mention the branch of the military or that he is retired. However, if the invitation were issued by him alone, instead of in conjunction with his wife, the first lines would be changed to read: Lieutenant Colonel Richard Douglas Drake / United States Air Force, Retired / requests the honor of your presence...The term "honor of your presence" is used rather than "pleasure of your company" because the ceremony is to take place in a chapel.
  
• Now we come to the bride and groom's names. If Camilla Grace Drake were also a service member, she would have the option of listing her name as Captain Camilla Grace Drake / United States Marine Corps. The way in which the groom's name is shown above is proper for a senior officer. For a junior or company grade officer, the title would read: Chase James Smith / Lieutenant, United States Army (in the Air Force or Marines, the rank would specify First or Second Lieutenant). An enlisted man would simply be styled Chase James Smith / United States Army. The title "Mr." would not be used. All military ranks should be spelled out in full, never abbreviated.
• When addressing invitations to guests who are members of the armed forces, titles should also be used. This would be an example for an outer envelope: Major and Mrs. Gregory Howard Moore. The inner envelope would read: Major and Mrs. Moore. If the husband and wife were both in the military, the envelope would be addressed: Major Gregory and Captain Susan Moore. This is important protocol to understand; custom dictates that when the bride or groom is in the military their commanders, officers, and peers from their unit or office should all be invited to the wedding (along with their spouses, of course), so there will be quite a few invitations issued to military personnel.

    The wedding ceremony for a military wedding tends to be on the formal side. When the service is held in a chapel on a base or at an academy, there may be restrictions on the decorations. Check with the Chapel Altar Guild; in some places, there are predetermined flowers, candelabras, and so forth that are used for every wedding. In other chapels, the bride and groom can make their own choices, as long as they meet the general guidelines (which would be true of a non-military house of worship as well).

     One of the things that immediately comes to mind about military weddings is the attire. The groom will wear the uniform for his branch of service in accordance with protocol. The mess dress uniforms are the equivalent of a white or black tie wedding, and so are worn for the most formal affairs. They are most often blue, although white pants are an option in the summer for men in the Army or Navy. This uniform is very sharp and really makes the groom look very striking. The groom may have the option of wearing his saber or sword, depending on his branch and rank. Unlike a civilian wedding, the bride should stand to the right of the groom on the altar; this is done so she will be away from the side with the sword.

Semi-Formal Wedding Attire

     For a semiformal wedding, the Class A or service uniforms would be the military equivalent of a suit. They are also usually dark blue, with the white pant option for the summer months. This would be an appropriate uniform for an outdoor marriage ceremony, or any that is not ultra-formal. Men in uniform do not wear boutonierres; the only decorations on their uniforms should be any military ones that they have earned.

     Certainly the groom will wear his uniform for a military wedding, but who else may wear one? Well, any groomsmen and ushers that are in the armed forces should wear the appropriate uniform for their branch of service. In addition, the fathers of the bride and groom would wear their uniforms, if they were or are in the military. Any guest who is active duty or retired military can also wear their dress uniform. The invitations should note "Mess dress uniform invited" for a black or white tie wedding, and "Class A uniform invited" or "Service uniform invited" for a semiformal event.

     The next commonly asked question about military wedding attire is about the women in the wedding. If the bride or any female members of the bridal party are members of the armed forces, they may wear their dress uniforms, if so desired. It is permissible to carry a bridal bouquet while in uniform. Female wedding guests have the same option to wear a dress uniform or civilian formal wear. That said, most brides prefer to dress like brides in the traditional wedding gown, as do the bridesmaids. Navy is one of the most popular colors for the bridesmaid dresses because it looks well with the dark blue uniforms, but any color the bride likes is acceptable. Red is a close runner up for popularity.

     Because the groom will look so handsome in his uniform, a military bride will usually seek a bridal gown that is very formal. A simple sweet gown will tend to be overshadowed by the groom in his full regalia. This is the one instance where the bride is in danger of being outshone by the groom on her own wedding day! The solution, of course, is to select a bridal gown that has the equal panache of a dress uniform. Lustrous silks, full skirts, ornate embroidery, and intricate beadwork are the order of the day for a military bride. The wedding ensemble should be accessorized to the nines with a long veil, sparkling tiara, and spectacular bridal jewelry.

As with any military event, protocol and tradition are an important element of a wedding. This includes the seating in the chapel. If the groom is the member of the military, his commanding officer (and spouse) should be seated in a place of honor with the groom's immediate family. (Of course, if the bride was the one in the military, her commanding officer would sit by her family.) Custom dictates that should the groom's parents be unable to attend the wedding ceremony, his commander sits in their place in the front row. All other high ranking officers should be shown respect with priority seating directly behind the immediate family of the groom or bride.

Following the marriage ceremony comes the most iconic part of a military wedding: the arch of swords or sabers. Army and Air Force men carry sabers, and swords are carried by members of the Marine Corps and Navy. The arch of sabers is a cherished part of military weddings which originated in the British Royal Navy. The privilege of carrying a sword or saber is reserved for commissioned officers (except for in the Marines, which also grants the honor to NCOs), and they are the only ones who can participate in the arch ceremony. The sword or saber bearers will often, but not always, also be groomsmen.

• The ritual usually takes place outside the door of the chapel, although it is also permissible to do it in the reception venue. After the bride and groom are pronounced husband and wife, the sword or saber bearers will gather outside the chapel. The usual number of men is six or eight, with equal numbers standing in two rows to form an aisle. As part of their dress uniforms, sword or saber bearers always wear white gloves. Once the rest of the guests have had a chance to gather around to watch, the newlyweds will make their triumphant exit from the ceremony. As they reach the waiting men, a command will be given to "Center face", and the saber or sword bearers will come to attention in two straight rows. The next command is either "Arch sabers" or "Draw swords", which is their cue to form an arch with their drawn sabers. The swords or sabers are positioned so that the tips nearly touch, forming a perfect arch. The team is careful to position the cutting edge of their blades up away from the aisle they form!
• Then the newlyweds walk together through the arch of swords or sabers. The senior usher will announce, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you Colonel and Mrs. Chase Smith!". When they reach the last two team members, the newlyweds will find their path temporarily blocked by a pair of lowered swords or sabers. Before they are released, the newlyweds will have to kiss. Then comes a part of the arch of swords or sabers that was not original, but is now part of the custom: the sword or saber bearer next to the bride (who walks on the left), will take his lowered sword and gently tap her on the bottom with it saying, "Welcome to the Army, M'am!". There are some modern brides who find this to be in questionable taste, but most will go along with it in the spirit of fun in which it is intended. If the bride is also in the military, the little swat on the bum is left out of the arch of sabers ceremony. Once the newlyweds have made their way through the arch it is dissolved; no one else is granted the honor of walking through it.

The reception at a military wedding is quite similar to the reception at a civilian wedding. Décor and favors may trend a bit more patriotic, and it is common to display both the American flag and the standard of the bride or groom's unit. The wedding dinner can be held on base at an officers' or enlisted club, a facility at a service academy if the ceremony is held there, or at any traditional civilian venue. As was the case with the ceremony, the reception at a military wedding will usually be on the formal side of the spectrum.

One of the most memorable parts of any wedding reception is when the newlyweds cut their wedding cake. At a military wedding, this ritual becomes even more special. It is customary for the cake to be cut using the groom's saber or sword. The sword is never decorated; no flowers or ribbons, please! He hands his sword to the bride, who then places her hands on it. The groom will then place his hand over the bride's and together they will cut the ceremonial first slice of wedding cake. It is a highlight of any military wedding.

A popular trend is to have a special groom's cake in addition to the large wedding cake. At a military wedding, the groom's cake will often be made in a shape that references his branch of service, such as an Army tank or an Air Force fighter plane. There are a variety of other ways in which the bride and groom might pay tribute to military service, such as playing the anthem for their branch at some point during the wedding (the ceremony recessional is a favorite time, or it could be done during the reception). Other specialty items for military weddings abound on the internet, such as camouflage guest books and military or patriotic favors.

There is nothing more spectacular than a military wedding. The pomp and splendor are unrivaled by any other type of wedding. The uniform of the men and women in the armed forces represent integrity, honor, and courage, all of which also happen to be excellent traits to bring to a marriage. A military wedding honors both service to country and dedication to family; along with the grand pageantry of military customs, this makes for a wedding that is rich with meaning and tradition for all those involved.