Consider the possibility that you have been "had", but not by me!

She watched him struggle through each day, time and time again, with the same problems, the same frustrations and the same outcomes. Every night she listened to his sad stories, his mad stories, his angst.

He was a smart man. She knew that he was. But he didn't stop to evaluate, truly evaluate scenarios and people before he acted or spoke. He told people who cared nothing for him, very personal details of his life. He made jokes with the serious ones who only wanted to talk business. He gave in to the demanding ones, whose demands only grew and grew with each successful intimidation session.

Promises made to him were so very often broken and yet he continued to believe the very same promise-breakers with each new promise they made him. Every time he was disappointed. Every time he was frustrated. Very often he was truly hurt.

She tried to listen to his vexations on a daily basis and provide support. When she felt the moments might be right to try to help him, she would offer soft suggestions that he not continue in these duplicate actions which always propelled the same unsatisfying results for him. Unfortunately, he would not hear her.

Caring for him so much, she felt the need to begin pushing these suggestions...they were simple suggestions. One plus two equals three. But he disregarded these and her frustration began to grow and grow until it had reached a climactic point where she herself wanted to yell out, "Please don't be so stupid!"

Of course the results from such a verbal outpouring would only result in pain for them both.

"I tried to do what you told me to, but I still got screwed!"

"Please, I am not attempting to tell you to do anything, merely asking that you consider other options when you are confronted with the same situation over and over again."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I am tired of hearing your pain and watching your pain and I wish that you would find a way to conquer these repeated scenarios which continue to hurt you!"

"I'm sorry for BOTHERING you with MY problems!"

"Don't be like that!"

"Like what?! You said it yourself, you don't want to hear about my pain anymore....watch it either! Is this how you always have felt about me and you were just pretending to care?!"

"No! I was never "pretending" to care! It's because I care about you and I want you to be happy that I cannot stand to see

you in such pain."

"Really, you can't stand to see me is all it is, isn't it?! Why can't you just be understanding! You didn't used to be like this!"

"I am the same as I always was. There just comes a time when I feel frustrated because I don't see how I can help you and you aren't helping yourself!"

"OH! Right. You think I am as incompetent as they do, don't you?!"

"Stop it!"

"You stop it! You are the one who started this! I was just trying to tell you about my day. I had this horrible day and all you can do is think about what you want to hear and see. Well, sorry Princess for ruining YOUR night!"

"Please!"

"Please what?!"

The dialog continued until one or the other walked away in rage and/or tears. It only got worse from there. This sort of thing started happening and eventually she realized that she could not help him and that she could not change him and that she could not be happy with these regular episodes.

She finally realized that it was time to leave.

As she walked out the door, carrying her bags, she heard his echoing voice...."You never understood me! You are no different than anyone else!"

She got into the car, lit a cigarette, and drove away.... Perhaps she never did understand him. Perhaps it was all her fault. Perhaps some day they would be able to clear up these misunderstandings. Either way, for now, it was time for her to go where home was free of all misunderstandings and external grief. It was time to go to a happy place.

She would drive until she found it.

By Alicia Crowder