And no, I am not talking about your hoity-toity, tea sipping, pinking raising Country Club. I mean your Wrangler jeans wearin', boot stompin', beer drinking, line dancin' COUNTRY CLUB. And in reality, it is more than a spalsh of alcohol. It is more like gallons and gallons of alcohol. And the rednecks? More than a handful. Mix the two together and you have yourself a pretty entertaining evening.

Last night my husband and I went to one of the better country clubs in the area to hear one of the best local bands. Since Car d'Alene started yesterday, the place was fairly empty when we got there at 9. There was a small group of women and a few men line dancing, and they were actually really good dancers. I can't dance to save my life, so I am always interested in watching others.

Around 10:15, after Car d'Alene had ended for the day, more people started to show up. This is when things got REALLY interesting. I will start off with Rehab Barbie, her friend Better than Average Jane (as opposed to Plain Jane) and Muscle Man Ken. I actually had a different name for MMK last night, but I decided this morning that it was kind of mean. Meat Head Ken did have a better ring to it, though. For all I know, though, he may be highly intelligent. Based on his muscle content, I would guess that he has spent more time lifting weights than lifting books. I realize some women go for men like that, but I need my man to be intelligent. That and I just don't find massive muscles to be attractive.

Rehab Barbie and Better than Average Jane arrived after Muscle Man Ken, who prior to their arriaval seemed utterly bored, and I actually think he was hiding from some of the less attractive morbidly obese women that I suspect were trying to get him to dance with them. Rehab Barbie was wearing a teeny, skin tight pink spaghetti strap tank top, even tighter jeans, and 3 inch heels. She is no more than 110 pounds (one of those super skinny girls that pretty much disappear when they turn sideways),5'4 or so, bleach blond, and quite possibly not even legal to be in the bar. If she is, it would be just BARELY legal. Oh, and she was wearing what appeared to be a half to one karat diamond engagedment ring. Whether it was an actual engagement ring is another story. Better than average Jane is about the same height, and actually healthy at about 120 or so, brunette, wearing two different color tank tops (it looked better than it sounds) nice jeans, and boots. Muscle Man Ken's attire really isn't pertinent to the story. Jeans, T shirt, cow boy hat, boots. (They were nice jeans though, and I mentioned to my husband he should get jeans in the same cut.)

I first noticed Rehab Barbie and BTA Jane when they walked by after visiting the bar. BTA Jane had a single drink. Rehab Barbie, though, had a pitcher of beer that she was drinking from. No cup, no glass, just drinking right from the pitcher. Hence the name REHAB Barbie. I told my husband that I wouldn't be surprised to see her in 5-10 years and find out she had been in rehab, or was currently IN rehab. I am pretty sure before we left she got a SECOND pitcher of beer. And she was only there for MAYBE an hour before we left!

Although I couldn't hear their converstation, I do read lips pretty well, but even then, I wasn't paying all that much attention. It did become clear at one point that Rehab Barbie was there with BTA Jane trying to find BTA Jane a man. MMKen was flirting with Rehab Barbie, asking her to dance. She said something about not being able to dance in her 3 inch heels, but he should dance with BTA Jane. It was then I noticed BTA Jane was terribly uncomfortable with this whole situation. Barbie, despite saying to MMKen that he should dance with BTA Jane, was flirting with him like MAD. MMKen eventually walked away, and as we were leaving about 10:45 or so, we noticed BTA Jane talking to some guy sitting in a car in the parking lot. The whole situation was rather amusing, in part because I never did things like that at that age. In my early twenties, I was a mom to a newborn daughter and wife to a Marine.

Moving on to the batchelor party of early twenty something guys. Well, mostly 20 something guys. One of them looked to be in his late 30s or 40s, although he was dressed just like the 20 somethings. Some random fad black t-shirt, jeans or shorts, sideways white baseball cap, white sneakers and mid calf white socks. All of them. Almost identical.

The batchelor was coersed into doing shots of something while sitting in the "barber chair." No idea what this was about because it was WAAAAYY on the other side of the room and I couldn't see it. Then he and his group went to ride the mechanical bull. One of the 5 or 6 guys that rode did a good job. The rest did a good job of making everyone else laugh! Important note: if you are too drunk to actually be able to get on the bull, you might not want to ride at all. One of the guys tried SIX TIMES to get on the bull. He never made it on. The 30 something guy got on successfully. But backwards! He either didn't want to turn around, or didn't grasp that he was on the wrong way. This guy has some really good friends -- one of them finally came up and pushed him off the bull. Friends don't let friends ride the mechanical bull drunk. Hahahah. These guys were obviously bar hopping, and showed up to the Country Club drunk, so I am sure the evening became much more amusing as it wore on for them.

There was a large amount of older women there. Apparently the label for older single women who go out looking for younger men is "cougar." I don't really understand WHY, but I do understand who it applies to. And the bar was FULL of them last night. One thing I have noticed about this area is that most of the "cougars" here are actually very attractive women. Slender, but healthy, in shape, confident, active, and sexy without looking like hookers. One of them, who I'd guess to be at LEAST in her 60s got on the bull and rode well. Better than I would. Another got on, and fell head over heels within 2 seconds, tops. She was not so fit, and was terribly drunk. But she still fits the cougar label because the men she and her friend were there with appeared to be young enough to be their sons. She was large enough that she needed assitance to actually get on the bull. Her friend got on herself, but still fell off before the thing really started moving. They were pretty funny to watch, even though it only lasted a total of 5 minutes.

Beyond the drunk people, there were several very talented dancers there. Oddly enough, at least 2, maybe three of them seemed to be somewhat special needs individuals (I say that in all seriousness and with utmost repsect). Watching those people inparticular made me feel even more inept at dancing, and reinforced that unless I take some extrememly intensive lessons, dancing is not something I should even attempt. One of the guys there actually dances with my ex step sister in law (confusing, I know. Her dad was married to my mother in law, and he was my husbands STEP father.) He is VERY talented and great to watch. He is over 6 feet tall, and skinny as a rail, to watching him spin around the dance floor is a wonder. Just seeing him standing somewhere, he is lanky and lean, and you'd kind of expect him to be physically akward, but he is far from it. I would love to see my sister in law dance with him (I have only seen photos of them together which are impressive in and of themselves!). While I was watching him, I noticed the guy next to him. Just as skinny, but a bit shorter. And pretty drunk. They were line dancing, and tall lanky guy was spinning around twice every spin, so the guy next to him was trying to do the same thing. However, the alcohol was preventing that. Well, maybe preventing is the wrong word. He wasn't able to STOP spinning each time so he pretty much stumbled into the next person every time the spun around. Other than that, he was decent.

I did have a couple of drinks which were actually pretty good. I rarely drink, so when I do, I am a cheap date, as two or three is pretty much my limit before I am the goofball trying to ride the mechanical bull. There is a liquer called Rated X. Company Line: "X-RATED® Fusion Liqueur® is an Exotic Fusion of Ultra Premium French Vodka & Blood Oranges from Provence in France, Mingling with Mango and Passion Fruit from Brazil. It is the first and only Fusion Liqueur and the 100% pure organic fruit juices and Ultra Premium French Vodka are fused in a secret process. Drinking Pink is fun and delicious!" (from this web page). I had it mixed with 7 UP, and it was yummy.

My next drink was called Jolly Sex, and it contained Kiwi Schnapps, Peach Schnapps, Coconut Rum, and Orange, pineapple, and cranberry juices. I liked that one even more, but it is rather strong, so if I get it again, it will likely be the one drink I get for the evening. The little bit of alcohol made the people watching much more fun.