Momma's Back
66 Momma is on a rampage once again. She came home from the treatment place
yesterday and promptly loaded up and passed out on the kitchen floor. The poor woman didn’t make it to her normal
passing out place, the bean bag in front of the tv. She even passed out with all of her clothes
on this time. Proof that the treatment
place messed her up in a bad way. Those
people cannot be trusted! As she
stumbled around this morning cursing the world and everything in it, I realized
that I have my momma back for the most part.
She still hasn’t grabbed my ass and told me that I am her favorite
yet…even though I am her only child as far as I know.
Momma is on the street looking for modeling work once
again. Now maybe we can get the power
turned back on, especially if the meter guy happens around! Momma must have a way with words. After only five or ten minutes with the right
man she can get food, heat, electric, new teeth and even five or ten
dollars. Momma should be in politics! She always did rave about that Bill Clinton
guy, saying that she could do ten times the job his intern could ever do! Momma has a lot of self esteem when it comes
to men and being of service. Womans are
another story though! Don’t get caught
walking on her modeling part of the street, she will blow her stack! The girl from lot 26 got it good from momma one
morning! I ran to see the commotion, the
poor girl was laid out, hair missing and tube top all askew! Momma says, “ I brought a fifty gallon drum
of whoop ass and poured it all over that bitch! “ As she put her own tube top back on. Now the girl only calls momma “ ma’am “ and quit her street modeling and now has a stupid job
at the hospital now.
Momma has a lot of crazy notions and ideas! Now she is talking
about getting into photography! She is crazy, but she can make a buck
on
nearly anything she sets her mind on. I
have my doubts about this endeavor though. She wants to enter pictures
into some contest called “beaver hunt”. Momma says that men pay a lot
of money to
see pictures of a good beaver, especially if it is up close or tied
down. Now
everyone knows that we don’t have any beaver in this part of the state!
Even if there were beaver here, how the hell
is she gonna get close enough with our Polaroid camera to take a
picture? Then try to tie one down?!? I have my doubts about this
idea…Then she
comes up with taking a picture of two beavers together in bed! What the
hell? The best we can hope for is to live trap a
couple muskrats from the waste water ponds out back. I doubt they will
cooperate. I fail to see the excitement in looking at
pictures of beavers! I will stick to my
Penthouse and Hustler magazines.
I see that it is time to take momma her lunch at the
curb. Garlic sardines and onion is all
she eats when on model watch. Until
next time!
________________© 2009 Richrd L Thorp Jr.___________________
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Comments
I wish you Mom lots of luck with her endeavors! LOL
Glad to hear your momma's back!
I just have one question...do you haul momma up to her modeling jobs on the tractor or does she walk? I think she might be on to something about beavers.
Do those beavers have sharp teeth?
I will put in the good word to momma for you, Chris...i always wanted a daddy!
K@ri, momma doesn't need luck! She has all the skill in the world when it comes to street modeling! At least that is what Uncle Mike says.
Pam, all of momma's friends John take turns "driving" momma.
Not sure about those beavers. I have two muscrats tied to the bed now. Wanted to surprise momma!
Oh no don't bother, babying you seems like a big responsibility which I don't think I can handle. But I could be one of Momma's regular Johns.
Btw, why don't you try modeling yourself. Seems like it runs in the family. :D
what can I get for eighty seven cents, that's what I want to know.
Chris, i did try the modeling myself while momma was in the hospital...that was the last story!
Momma talks about giving a "prostate tickler" to the less fortunates. i was shocked to learn she is also a nurse!
Your momma works so hard for her lil baby, lol, great job Pest! :)
Thanks, if she knew how I was exposing and exploiting her here she would surely castrate me!
I'm not going there, lol
oh, come on! You kinda already did! lol! She may not castrate m, but she may take away my computer priviledges...then no more hubs!
I'm not going there either - very wise of you, DS!
The story of my life! All of the beuatiful ladies never want to go "there"! I am doomed to a life with the lady from lot# 32! ( she can be found in edition 5 of my hubs )!
Funy post and comments. Mothers should be tough always. :)
No pouting now, Pest, lol
I'm laughing so hard, I can't type right! Your title is playing in my head like the little girl on poltergeist. "She's Baaaaaack".
I take things so literally and have gullible tatooed on my forehead, so this could be me!!
You are a riot! I'm definitely a fan!
Proud Mom be sure to check the on going saga that is my life ath the trailer with momma.
She works hard for the money, so hard for it hunny...... lol... Pest you really know how to create a story so vivid its as if I am there.... with momma. lol.... youre an excellent writer. ; )
She works hard for the money, so hard for it hunny...... lol... Pest you really know how to create a story so vivid its as if I am there.... with momma. lol.... youre an excellent writer. ; )
She works hard for the money, so hard for it hunny...... lol... Pest you really know how to create a story so vivid its as if I am there.... with momma. lol.... youre an excellent writer. ; )
gosh man, can you erase 2 of those. lol. I dunno what fudged up, it posted 3 times.
I think I will keep the excellent writer ones, they look nice!...I will take care of it..eventually!
Isn't it she works hard for the money, so hard for it hubber?
You guys crack me up.
Pest, I'll add another--You're a great writer. Maybe I'll hit post a couple of times, too. The hub's that good.
The one time DSL is actually high-speed. No time to hit post again. Sorry--I tried.
that is okay, youa are sort of double posted now!
Momma looks like Britney Spears. You're pretty lucky there. I see where you get your good looks from.
Frieda, it is amazing what momma is able to accomplish with liquid skin, binder twine and a can of hairspray. I don't get my good looks from momma. She says I was shit out on a fence post by a crow and the sun hatched me out.
Liquid skin?!??!!!??!!
Yeah, that stuff that glues skin together. She stretches, glues and tapes to perk you know how it is right? :D
Lol this is awsome. Made my night! Now you've our gotten expectations high, we must have more!
Uhhh....no not really. After 3 kids, maybe I should learn, though. ;-))
I have plenty more on the way. High expectations are hard to please! Sounds like my sex life...
Proud Mom, I am sorry but it was there...sorry it had to be you! You know I love you right? :D
LOFL! You are simply the absolute best!
Did you mean absolute Pest? ;)
Thanks Tom, glad to make you laugh! It really does make my day.
Absolute??? I have heard of this Absolute Vodka, Personally I think anything beyond mommas potato rot gut is a myth.
That too! Ya gotta love this guy! :)
I've waited eight days to leave a comment for lack of words. I still am silent, I will sy momma is not bad lookin'. How the hell she shit you out I don't know.
Yes, Pest. I don't offend easily....
Man, yo mamma hot, Mr. Pest. You is the funniest.
She is fine aint she! Thanks for reading.
You need to really write a book or a screenplay for TV these are HILARIOUS!!!! I would the movies and so would my friend is laughing hysterically at your articles!!!:) You laugh so hard , that you almost pee-pee your pants!!:)
Oh good, AEvans--so I'm not the only one!!!!
Ae, Thanks. Bigger and better things are my dream. i am working on some things now.
PM I am glad my Hubs cause your incontenance and not some other affliction. :)
You're a fine writer, but Momma stories are your pearls. Somehow I didn't think Momma would be that fine looking. I'd take a shot at it myself but I hate sloppy 256ths.
256??? that happened in 1973...she was in fourth grade I think...
I meant that day!!
Hilarious! I love your work. I want to meet your Momma so bad! Can I join her fan club?
OMG... ROTFLMAO........ flippin hilarious... funniest thing i've read in a long time... i needed a good laugh today... my favorite part ...... she calls momma ma'am now... and has a stupid job at the hospital............. lol@ beavers
Not as funny as some of the ads I draw in! Beaver repellent...
It;s the sardine with garlic and onion sandwiches which crack me up! God, imagine Momma breathing on some little weed. The toxic fumes will melt his skinny little legs.
I think the sardine and garlic is a meth head lure to be honest.
Amazing! I am in love with your writing and story telling skills.
luv.poem, I wish they were actually "stories" and not true life! LOL :D
wow, how have I just now come across you? This is HILARIOUS!! You describe the life in the 'park' to a T, without all the misspelling and other literary atrocities! Thank you, pest!
MILF MILF MILF
Cris A says:
11 months ago
Wow you're Momma sure knows how to work hard, real hard, for the money! LOL