Monday Night Raw -- April 14, 2008

Looking for my crack on the most recent RAW? Go to Monday Night Raw.

This show just didn't live up to its potential.

An Unintentional Shoot

In the opening segment, Regal tells JBL he couldn't in good conscience ask anybody to pay to see JBL and Orton in a ring. Is that a shoot? Because I couldn't agree more. Nobody wants to see JBL flabbin' around the ring with R-K-Zero Charisma. Regal saves the a few hundred thousand fans from paying good money to watch crap.

Next, Y2J stirs the pot with HBK. I don't know what they're trying to do here, since Y2J has absolutely no business being in the middle of the HBK-Batista feud.

I mean, Y2J is ridiculously underutilized, but you gotta give him a storyline that makes sense. Y2J has lost something on the mic since he came back, he needs time to pick it up again. No reason -- or need -- to push him here.

New Term: Jobber to the Jobbers

Anyway, next segment. Spanky and Paul London job to Carlito and Santino, who otherwise would have jobbed to somebody else. After the match, Santino calls himself a weiner. classic.

Next, Lawler plugs the new WWE Kids magazine, targeted to 6 - 12 year olds. The time is 9:45p. Am I out of touch with parents nowadays, or is 9:45p really prime time to advertise for little kids? Why not schedule the plug for a John Cena segment? Or Smackdown?

Where's the Buildup!?

Then Mickie James and Beth Phoenix put together a crap match with a GREAT finish...but no build up. Recently, they had a nice little storyline where Mickie tries to take back the women's title every week, only to have Beth squash her again and again. Nice angle because everybody's waiting for Mickie to finally win. Then, the writers drop the angle for a lame bunny match at WM 24.

Now, out of nowhere, the writers bring the Mickie James angle back, but instead of rebuilding the rivalry for a few weeks, culminating with a meaningful match at Backlash, they gave her the title change hands via fluke win on free TV. Ricockulous. No buildup!!

JTG beats Trevor Murdoch in lame match. Cade gets mad. Same stuff, different day. And...NO BUILDUP!!

Rule: Don't Take Out the Champ Before the Pay-Per-View

Next, Regal and Orton have a really good match, with Regal getting a lot of offense and really bringing the crowd into the match. Orton takes a NASTY suplex -- I think it was a botched fisherman suplex, but Regal dumped Orton right on his head. Orton looked legit hurt, maybe even knocked out. Ref even gave the "X" sign (indicating a legit injury). Orton recovers and gives Regal an RKO out of nowhere to win. Either a great sell by Orton or some real perseverence.

Again, Where's the Buildup!?

After the WWE title match, Y2J stinks up the joint with a cheap win over Umaga. No buildup for this IC TITLE match. Yes, a TITLE match with no buildup. Regal just says oh, by the way, defend your title against this jabroni, as he prepares for his own match. Maybe if the writers made the IC championship mean something, I'd care about the match. Maybe if Y2J and Umaga had any history, I'd care. But for me, no buildup -- no interest.

Then Burchill squashes Hacksaw Jim Duggan, who looks like he's carrying twins in his belly. Why's he still luggin around a piece of wood?

Main Event

Lame main event. JBL is a sack full of mayonaise dressed in tights. Here's the sequence: HHH kicks the crud out of JBL, Orton runs in, Orton decks HHH, JBL decks Orton, JBL holds up the belt as though he actually has a chance to win (riiiight) and then everybody goes home.

LIVE NOTE -- after the match, HHH gives JBL the pedigree. The crowd explodes. This didn't make TV.

BTW check out the match summary from WWE.com http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/articles/6035304/fatalvision. The article says Cena is "recuperating" from a 2-on-1 match. Cena is the top face, former CHAMP, tough guy who came back from a torn pec and wrestles intense, barbaric matches day in and day out...he can go one hour with Shawn Michaels on back-to-back nights, but he needs to take two weeks off to rest after a 5-minute handicap match??? Kayfabe at its worst.

If you didn't know, Cena's not on the European tour because he's filming a movie called "12 Rounds" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12_Rounds_(film).

The Raw ReWrite

Alright, once a week I'll "rewrite" a RAW angle the way I would do it if I were booking. This week, I choose Y2J's angle for Backlash.

Here's what I would've done:

Y2J runs in on HBK promo. He says something like "You say you have closure. Well, you can speak for yourself because as far as I'm concerned, your closure doesn't mean anything. Ric Flair meant more to me than anybody ever knew. When I was in WCW, nobody cared about me except Flair. He may not have been bunking with me on the road, but he was the only guy who cared about me when I was tearing down arenas all over the world.

"I would've never gone anywhere if it weren't for him. I don't think you get that, HBK. I don't need to remind you of all the people you held down as you climbed to the top...etc,"

Then, HBK pulls out the "I regret that, can't take it back, but I'm not that person anymore, I've changed, Flair chose me for a reason, etc..." line and becomes the sympathetic face. Y2J makes cheap comment and gets sweet chin music. Later we see Y2J fuming in the back with an ice pack pressed to his jaw. No IC title defense.

Then Y2J runs in on a Batista promo during Smackdown. He tells Batista he's sick of Batista telling everybody how Flair made him when he was coming up. He calls Batista a hypocrite. He says "who'd you help when you were on the way to the top, big guy? And all that."

Batista has some comeback like "who are you? where have you been? How can you talk to me like that? mind your own business." Y2J makes another cheap comment and gets a Batista bomb. Later, we see him fuming backstage, winced over in pain.

Y2J comes back on Raw the next week and demands to be in the triple threat. We see clips of HBK sweet chin music, Batista bomb. Regal tells Y2J the truth is he's just not a main-eventer, but maybe he'd make a good referee. Y2J is incensed that he gets no respect, setting up a heel run, and leaving us not knowing whether he'll favor HBK or Batista, or if he'll use the match to get even with both of them.

The way they've set up the angle so far, Y2J looks like a chump. I think Y2J is bonafide MONEY but these angles STINK. Too bad Hardy's monster feud with Y2J fell thru, those guys could tear down the house.