Looking for my crack on the most recent RAW? Go to Monday Night Raw.

RAW tanks

RAW rating tanked to 3.2...usually hits 3.4...hmm...maybe people don't want to watch a black screen, listen to Trevor Murdoch, or put up with Mike Adamle...

Here's a Funny Clip

After you read my May 6 crack (below), watch this clip package from Mike Adamle's craptacular debut. Slightly "R" rated, and not in an Edge kinda way...

Oh lord. More insanity. Here's this week's theme: Vince Buries ECW

Feliz Stinko de Mayo

Vince McMahon starts the show. He gets boos from all sides. In typical Vince style, he tells the crowd that when Wiliam Regal pulled the visual on last week's main event, it was reprehensible, deplorable, bold, gutsy, yadda yadda...just like Vince when he was a youngster.

Duh, Vince. You wrote it.

So now I know that Vince supports pissing me off 100%. Does this revelation move any story lines forward? Does this make the show any more enjoyable? Interesting? I guess we'll just have to see about that...

Next, Vince invites Regal to the ring to remind everybody that he can pull the plug on RAW at any time. So I interpret this to mean that any time something interesting happens, RAW will go to black.

BTW the crowd is LIVID right now. Wish I was live in the arena...

To nobody's surpirse, Kennedy comes down to the ring sporting a three-day growth on his face. The crowd pops big-time.

Is this becoming a mid-card version of the Stone Cold / Vince McMahon feud?

Vince Buries ECW

Kennedy challenges Regal to a match. Regal says he wouldn't stoop so low! So, of course, he puts Kennedy in a match with the entire ECW, who are obviously on Kennedy's level.

Say WHAt?!?!? What does it say about a brand when its entire roster is even competition for a mid-carder who hasn't wrestled on TV in a month? And how entertaining is a 15 - on - one brawl?

Anyway, Triple H runs in and pops the crowd. Triple H says he takes offense to Regal turning off the lights and ending his match last week. He took it as a show of disrespect, and tells Regal that if he wants to stay in power, he'd better not go to war with Triple H.

Now, let me paraphrase Regal's response: "oh, I don't want to go to war with you, I want you to bury -- I mean, wrestle -- ECW."

I say "bury" because that's what it is. We all know Triple H is not going to lose tonight. So the writers are basically saying "Ok, the ENTIRE ECW ROSTER can't beat Triple H and a mid-carder."

And CM Punk holds the money-in-the-bank briefcase after losing clean two matches in a row on live TV last week...

Twelve Divas Again, But Only Two Actually Do Anything

Next, a female lumberjack match with Mickie James and Beth Phoenix. No complaints here. The writers scatter a bunch of letters and let the talent have a match. Melina ruins the finish with a really fake-looking "accidental" whack of Beth with her boot. Way too staged.

Or maybe I'm way too picky?

Insanity Abounds Again

In the next segment, Regal puts Y2J in a tag match with HBK to prove that HBK is faking a knee injury. Their opponents? Tag Champs Miz and Morrison.

Finally, a match I want to see. And then, just as I'm getting excited, we get more of this Trevor Murdoch insanity. Singing backstage. Ridiculous waste of TV time until Trish Stratus and Ron "Farooq" Simmons run in for a "DAMN."

Look, if listening to Trevor Murdoch murder a cow is what it takes to get Trish back on TV, I'm down. Especially when you throw in a little Farooq on the side.

Next, Orton puts us to sleep with another lame promo. I actually did fall asleep during this promo -- could somebody tell me what he said? Is he wrestling tonight?

Vince Buries ECW

Oh dear. After a commercial break, a young man named John Cutler jobbed to Paul and Katie Lea Burchill. With Mike Adamle announcing.

WHAT?

Now, maybe this isn't so bad if Adamle's announcing along side JR and Jerry Lawler. But JR was actually KICKED OFF the mic.

You could tell Lawler was like, "WTF is going on?"

I guess the writers said "ok, this sqash is going to be a boring, senseless waste of space, so let's throw in Mike Adamle to prove our point."

WHAT?

And when Adamle talks, makes NO SENSE. He says something about Katie Lea used to be a cheerleader, he makes some weird rhymes, and then he asks if it's only a matter of time before we see Katie Lea with the Divas.

WHAT?

After the match ends, to top it all off, Adamle gets stiffed when he tries to shake Lawler's hand. I am burying my head in my hands as I write this.

Vince Buries ECW

And next, we have the only match I'm looking forward to -- Y2J and HBK v. Miz and Morrison. JR says Miz and Morrison are the future of tag teams in the WWE. Which I guess is true, by default. When's the last time Cody and Holly defended their titles? How are "the Deuce" and "the Domino" doing?

Y2J comes out to a huge pop. Maybe Toronto fans remember the old Trish-Y2J-Christian Cage thing from a while back? Check out this hilarious clip package and learn more about it from youtube.

HBK comes out after Y2J. He sells the knee injury. He can barely walk, but I thnk everybody knows what's gonna happen...

As expected, nice little match. Y2J gives a shout-out to Bret Hart by running chest-first into the turnbuckle. Then, a little back-and-forth until HBK superkicks John Morrison behind the ref's back. Y2J hits the lionsault into a pin.

Hmm... is HBK really injured? The mystery continues...

Ok, that match was short, predictable, but enjoyable. So the next match, Randy Orton v. CM Punk, can't possibly involve any interference from Regal...like, for example, putting the lights out in the middle of the match?

Wrong. After Punk and Orton make each other look good in another nice match, Regal cuts the lights and declares no contest.

Insanity.

Am I missing something here? I thought the TV shows are supposed to make the wrestlers look GOOD, not turn the lights off of every decent match. Is Mike Adamle on the writing team, too??

The only thing that would piss me off more is a JBL squash match -- with the lights on.

Shtick Returns, Sober

So RKO is LIVID about getting the lights pulled, and he says he's going to kick the crap out of Regal. I think I'd enjoy watching that...so, it will not happen, of course.

Which brings us to Carlito's Cabana, with guest Rowdy Roddy Piper. Piper puts on a killer promo -- a recap doesn't do it justice. Crowd loves it.

Then, Santino says Piper took 8 years to win his intercontinental belt, but Santino did it in his first night. Piper shoots on Santino's DUI and the crowd starts chanting "D-U-I." Good shtick.

Cody runs in with Cryme Tyme. They clear house, and get the crowd chanting "Rowdy, Rowdy, Yea, Yea."

I don't know what Cryme Tyme has to do with the situation. I guess the writers couldn't think of any better way to go home with the segment. Moving along...

SO, out of nowhere, WWE announces a JBL-Cena match for Judgment Day. And to make us all take JBL seriously, WWE has him flab all over jobber DH Smith. I'm sure his dad, the British Bulldog, is proud. Way to crap all over the Hart family.

Am I the only one who thinks JBL looks pathetic? Seriously, are main eventers allowed to have man-boobs in this day and age?

Vince Buries ECW

Speaking of main events, the Triple H / Double Kennedy v. ECW match is on next. The match starts with Kennedy and Elijah Burke locking up. They go back and forth until Kennedy tags Triple H and Burke tags (ahem) Matt Striker. Triple H beats the crud out of Striker. Striker squirms away and tags Mike Knox (ugh). Knox puts Kennedy down and tags in Chavito (aieee!), who covers for a near fall.

Chavito tags in Kofi Kingston, who works over Kennedy some more, then tags in Tommy Dreamer. And, so far, NOBODY from ECW's side has had a chance to show anything. Each person gets all of three seconds in the ring.

How can anybody get over on the RAW audience with this insanity? Nobody looks good in this match.

As expected, the match degenerates into a schmazz, with ECW infighting and cheap shots all over. Chavito gets a cheap pin on Kennedy, and then more madness ensues.

God, I wish somebody would turn the lights out on THIS nonsense.

And my prayers get answered. As Triple H is whacking each member of ECW with chair, the lights do go out. When they come back on, Orton drops an RKO on Triple H. End of Show.

I suspect Orton is in cahoots with Regal...hmmm...

Raw ReWrite

Mike Adamle.

What is this insanity? I have nothing else to say. Keep him off of RAW. For his sake. For our sake.

Bad enough we have to see the entire ECW roster buried on live TV. Spare us the Adamle nonsense. Don't make us turn the channel in the middle of the show. Half of us won't come back.

Mike Adamle...

Another RAW tonight. Hmmm....

Read the kayfabe RAW preview from WWE. I'll get back to you on that tomorrow.

Hey, Dick Meltzer's Wrestling Observer said RAW head writer Brian Gerwitz cancelled his summer vacation to work on new, more interesting angles. Does that mean we'll get to see more JBL flabbing around the ring?

Actually, last week's overrun did a 4.17 nielsen rating, well above the normal 3.5 or so. Did that rating pop because of a killer main event, or because five million people watched a blank screen?