Money, Size, or a Sense of Humor? What do Women Really Want?
79In the last few days, I have discovered that this is one of those questions that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that men and women come from completely different planets. I asked around, and every guy I asked said that women wanted money and size and lots of both.
However, every girl friend that I asked said the same thing, most without even thinking about it: sense of humor.
Seriously.
Here's what some of them said:
- "A sense of humor will get you through anything."
- "Sense of humor. Money can be lost. Size is relative (and isn't immortal, either). But a sense of humor provides warmth and conversation forever."
- "Sense of humor, always. Laughter can get you through nearly anything. It's healing, healthy, sexy, and legal."
- "I think I need the sense of humor. Sure money problems will break up relationships but I'd rather it be for that reason then for hating the person I've invested time and caring."
- "Money can run out. And if you're only in the relationship for sex, then that's a big problem right there. I'd definitely go for a sense of humor."
I love my friends.
Sense of humor would definitely be my first choice, too. My first husband, David, made a lot of money. Unfortunately, he spent over seventy hours a week at work - or commuting, or on business trips which probably goes a long way in explaining why he's my first husband. He was never home. David also had very little in the way of a sense of humor. I didn't think he was very funny when he actually tried to be, and he could probably say the same thing about me.
Husband number two, Vince, had size (although I didn't marry him for that), but no money - he never held a job longer than four or five weeks. Although the marriage was brief - 18 months - I don't remember that we laughed very much.
Husband number three has no money; he's a college professor! And he thinks his size is, how do I put this, less than average (I think it's just fine). But we laugh. A lot. And so far our marriage has lasted longer than husband number one and husband number two combined.
What do I mean by a sense of humor? Well, I'm not talking about loudly cracking politically incorrect jokes in restaurants. A guy I dated very briefly did that. Nor am I talking about finding the rest of the world amusing due to an overly inflated sense of intellectual superiority like another ex-boyfriend of mine.
For me and for my friends, a sense of humor means the ability to not take oneself too seriously, to know when to be serious, and to know the difference. It means that if circumstances give you the choice between raging at the world and laughing with it, the women I talked to would prefer to grow old with the guy who laughs. Similarly, we want someone who can laugh with us, not at us.
Given a choice, we'll take the guy who, three days or forty years from now, can say, "hey, you remember that time, and it wasn't funny back then." and then we both laugh together.
Money can't buy moments like that.
Size can't compare to shared laughter between two friends who happen to be in a long-term relationship with each other.
Yup, we'll take the guy who can laugh at life every time.
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This does not jive with my experience. All you have to do is look at the personal ads to see what women really want. In general, they will start with how they are looking for a smart guy with a sense of humor, but then they will always focus on looks and wealth right after.
I have never heard or seen a woman say "God, he has a great sense of humor! I have to meet him!" And, believe me, I have been listening.
Tell me, how do you tell if a guy has a good sense of humor in a loud bar or club? How do you know that chubby guy you are brushing off at the book store doesn't have a great sense of humor?
The answer is "You don't".
But, you know what I see a lot of? Women who stay with an abuser, a cheater, or a jerk because he has money, or looks, or size.
No, no matter what you or anyone else says, most American women care more about abs, wallets, cars, and size than they do about a sense of humor. And, when he treats her like dirt, she gets what she deserves.
Wow. I'm sorry that's your experience. Personally, I'd go for the chubby guy at the bookstore any day.
Maybe I just have really non-materialistic friends who don't go to bars.
The truth is that some women do care more for money or sexual prowess than they do personality and humor. All women care somewhat. Those things are not completely inconsequential. A person wants a partner who will hold their own financially and in bed. Still, that's not all there is to life.
However, the girls (and I say "girls") who are only out for a hot bod or a fat wallet are missing out on the joy that comes from the true intimacy of shared laughter.
I wonder how Dave up there chooses the women he wants to date. Does he approach the curvy quiet girl in the bookstore cafe, smiling over the edge of her Bronte, or is he at the local club, leering at the hot-bodied 21 y/o girls-gone-wild dancing like strippers on the bar? Dave sounds like he is looking for a woman to give him some self esteem, instead of finding that on his own, and showing a mature-minded, confident woman what he has to offer.
None of the men I have ever loved have had money. Ever. I've had some awesome lovers, and size rarely was the main factor in that. The past lovers I think most fondly upon are the ones who were warm, creative, and funny. A laugh could get me into bed much faster than a swagger ever could.
I like to laugh in bed, too. :)
I do love your sense of humor as well as your candor!
You had me at the title lol. Fantastic hook and humor. Thank you!
I would have to agree with the guys on this one. The good looking women (no offense, I just mean most women men find attractive) tend to care about looks and money. I've had women tell me they don't care about money, but meanwhile they're getting swept away when the guy buys them flowers, takes her to his nice apartment with his nice car. I mean, first impressions usually do matter first don't they? And if the guy with looks and money has the best impression, then the woman is his. And come on, you know women will stay with a jerk because they try to rationalize he's not bad. I mean even read this article! Her first husband was rich! Meaning she gave him the first shot! And the second one had looks! Meaning she didn't give the one she was meant to be with until try number three! That pretty much proves my point.
Well, that's true, women tend to delude themselves into believing that they want is somebody who's rich and good looking, but that's not what the point of the article was, I think. What Rhomylly meant to say, as far as I can see, is that a relationship with humor in it will last a lot longer, and I agree with her. Of course, women don't know this when they begin to look for the Perfect Man. They find out over the course of time, when they realize that after a while, making dinner for him while he's out at his high profile meeting, or staring at his perfectly symmetrical eyebrows can get really really boring after a while. Very few womenn know what they want from the word go. And I'm pretty sure I could say the same about men. Eventually, the ones who are at least a little intelligent will realise that if there's no laughter, there's no point to a relationship.
Okay, okay. I LOVE this one. Especially the comments. Up until I read the comments I was laughing thinking about my husband and how we can just catch each others eye and laugh about nothing. Or maybe it is something, either way it's wonderful. Too bad some men and women are caught up in "looks", like hmm maybe Richard.. not pointing fingers, just saying. I bet he wouldn't take a second glance at the chubby girl with a sense of humor. o0o and dbmyhhra YOU ROCK! :)
I think people are chasing shadows.
It has been my experience that looks really don't matter. I have been told that i'm rather handsome and yet as soon as a woman finds out i do not have a grip of cash... she's not interested. I'm 25, in great shape, and going to school to hopefully get a better job. That's all fine and dandy but until i actually get a high paying job, women won't give me a second glance. The older generation just doesn't understand how materialistic my generation is. You are not judged on your character anymore. You are judged on your car, your house, your boat, your other car, your clothes, your jewelry, and so forth. The phrase, "The money makes the man", really is true at this point. The truth hurts and the world is a shallow place. Get used to it.
My boyfriend of a year and a half has no money, is short, and is in bad health, but I think he is wonderful. He is a really caring and lovely person who does all sorts of things to take care of me, and to be a true parter and friend to me. We have lots of laughs nearly every day and enjoy doing a lot of the same things. When I met him I was dating a guy who had a lot more money and a stable job but who I came to realize was immature, bitter, and loaded with issues about women. Eventually I noticed how my current beau and I had normal conversations where I felt understood and enriched and my ex, though finacially solvent, was quickly becomng a self-centered drag so out he went.
A woman has to be mature enough to realize that money and looks are not all there is to having a real partner, but a man has to realize that as well. If you're looking for a playboy bunny who wants a poor and unattractive man you're living in a fantasyland. As I see the angry posts from the men above I have to wonder if its not the lack of money, size whatever that is turning women off, but actually your personality ("The world is a shallow place. Get used to it." "when he treats her like dirt, she gets what she deserves."). Gee, sounds like fun...
But similarly I'd wonder if the guys posting here are using the
I'll be real with you, if you don't have no money, than no woman is interested in you. Take it from a young person speaking from alot of experience. I don't understand women like that, always want a guy with lot's of money but don't want to do nothing to contribute. What ever happened to supporting, or helping build a man up, and working together, because I look at it like this, if I can get my own money, you can too.
I feel so sad at the moment. I long for a man with a good sense of humor, for that matter maybe one that just understands mine. I have been married to decent, kind, generous man for 9 years. He loves me with every inch of his being. We just had a conversation that brought me to tears, he asked, "Why do you keep trying to change me?" I was surprised by his comments. The fact of the matter is all these years without noticing I have been trying to make my husband lighten up, change the way he looks at the world. I love my husband and I didn't realize how much I have hurt him. I am left with decision of giving up a wonderful husband in hopes of finding one that can make me giggle.
Not everyone is the same - and this is an absolute, mathematical fact.
Some women claim they want a man with money; some women claim they want a man with a sense of humor; some women claim they want a man with large equipment, etc.
But consider this -
From a practical standpoint, it makes no sense for a woman to admit that she prefers men with a lot of money and large equipment. At least not when it comes to her male friends and/or acquaintances. Right or wrong, society views that sort of woman as being unfit for a long-term companion. And women know this.
Think about it long and hard (wink wink)...is it more beneficial for a woman to claim that money and size don't matter, when she speaks with a male about that particular topic? Heck yes it is.
Even if the man is an acquaintance or a friend (and not a potential partner), women know that men talk to each other - just like men know that women talk to each other. And a woman is not going to poison the well of potential suitors, so to speak, by stating what she REALLY prefers...
To back this up with hard statistics, numerous studies have proven that the vast majority of women actually DO prefer large penises. And those same studies have proven that those very same women actually delude themselves into thinking that they DON'T prefer large penises. What I mean by this is, studies have shown that women who divulge their personal sexual histories, in the vast majority of cases, will say that they have been just as satisfied with a SMALL penis as a large one....but when the statistical details of their sexual histories are examined, it turns out that women consider a SMALL penis to be any penis that is actually AVERAGE in size...
Interesting, isn't it.
Also, studies have proven that the vast majority of women are far more likely to refuse sex from a male, if the male's penis is small to average in size. And the smaller it is, the more likely the woman is to refuse sex at any given moment. Conversely, studies have proven that the vast majority of women are far more satistfied in a sexual sense, with partners who have large equipment. And the larger the man's equipment, the more likely the woman is to NOT refuse sex at any given moment.
As far as a sense of humor goes, I truly believe that this is the standard, pat response that women give to men when the subject of what they are looking for in a man is broached. It ranks right up there with, "I've slept with seven men, total, in my entire life", as one of the biggest and most frequently told lies that women tell men. And there's nothing wrong with this - society dictates that women who want to have the best chance at getting the best mate possible, HAVE to make these statements in order to widen the playing field and maximize their potential for finding the best possible long-term mate...
And in my humble but informed opinion, the reason why women say they want a man with a sense of humor, is because, if they ever find a man with more money and bigger equipment, the guy with the sense of humor won't take it so badly when the woman dumps him...
Makes sense when you stop to think about it...everybody lies, this is another mathematical fact. And we lie for reasons of self-preservation, and for reasons of energetic import. The world is comprised of energy, and we all want more of it. We need it to survive.
For those of you who believe that this isn't true - that everybody DOESN'T lie, I'm sure I will read your posts after I make this one. And we'll address that issue at that time.
But I assure you that everybody DOES lie, and some lies are more frequently told than others - and lies are always told for reasons of self-preservation and energetic import. As you will find out in no uncertain terms if you refute my statement...
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Kathy says:
3 years ago
It's funny, I would say that just about every girlfriend of mine would agree with you and yours as well. A great sense of humor trumps all (including good looks).