Why is it that Twitter is only 140 characters by the way? Well, because cell phones can only text 140 characters, that's why! And why can cell phones only text 140 characters? Because the message piggybacks on signals already being sent by the phone and it costs the cell phone company NOTHING AT ALL to send the text message! So guess what, they are charging us $10/mo each (or more, or less) for something that is completely free for them. Smart... infuriating, but smart.

Now then, back to business. How do I capitalize on the vast popularity of Twitter and get the millions of daily Twitter users to give me their cold hard cash? How do I monetize Twitter??

If you're new to Twitter you need to learn some basics about how it works and what exactly is going on in the messages that you see.

First, go to www.twitter.com and sign up for an account. I suggest using your company name, website name or your real name as your Twitter account name. Don't make it something that may be offensive, hard to remember or unprofessional if you are doing this for your business.

- Yes you may have more than one Twitter account, but one is hard enough to manage, who needs more?
- Upload a small image, preferably a small photo of you or your company logo. Now you're ready to get tweeting!
- Now that you're ready to start, you can follow Darntoothysam on Twitter and I will follow you back!

Next, you need to know a little about how Twitter works and what you will be seeing in your tweet stream. Most of what you will see will be garbage of two distinct types: 1) Spam 2) Random worthless updates by strangers and "goodnight" messages. (Don't waste people's time by posting "Goodnight Twitter"... please!!)

The information you are honestly interested in seeing will not appear in your tweet stream! The information that you do see will be every update by every person that you follow. Imagine following 2,000 people like I do, or 10,000 or 20,000... how in the world do you follow that many people?

YOU DON'T.

You're on Twitter to get your message across, to speak to your audience, and to respond to only those messages that are actually sent to you and are not spam, but a human that is interested in speaking to you. And, in a nutshell, twitter.com is completely USELESS for doing this!

Now if you follow me, don't get me wrong; I'm not discounting you as a person or uninterested in what you may have to say, but I can't possibly be that involved with the thousands of people I would like to reach on a daily basis. Twitter is amazing, and if I could afford a full time employee to do just Twitter I probably would.

I'm on Twitter daily, and I see pretty much every person that says something about a broken digital camera or digital camera repair. I can't possibly message them all, and when I try to, I think they think I'm just spamming. The best advice I can give is to do as much as is comfortable and make it human. You are here to build relationships, not to sell.

Ok now, in your tweet stream you will see messages with different symbols, abbreviations and crazy looking links.

- The different symbols most commonly used are: @ (a message sent to a person so it shows up in their tweet stream) and # (an easily search-able topic or subject)
- Some of the most common abbreviations are TT (Trending Topic: something that is mentioned in many different tweets right now), DM (Direct Message: sent only to you, nobody else can see it), RT (ReTweet: somebody else posted this first and I can ReTweet it letting others know I think it's good) and FML... I'll let you figure out what FML means.
- The crazy looking links have been shortened so that they take up less space. They look odd, and yes they can take you to any site without your knowledge so you must trust the person that posts it. You only have 140 characters remember, so shortened URL's are a must.

If you want to be serious about Twitter, you need something like Tweetdeck from www.tweetdeck.com; it's awesome. Twitter is completely useless for any sort of business purpose if you try and use it through Twitter.com. Personally, I never go to the Twitter website, there's no reason to!

Download and install Tweetdeck, configure it and get it running. You will see a column for anytime you are mentioned (@ symbol before your name) and Direct Messaged (DM). Beyond these two, you can add new columns for custom searches that are automatically updated and lets you see exactly what people are saying all over the world on Twitter at all times!!

Maybe you have a dog training business online; create a search column for 'dog training' and you will see every single message every person tweets with the words 'dog' and 'training' in any order of the tweet. They won't always be about 'dog training', (I've been in training for scuba diving testing... oh the dog has to go out) but most will. Now figure out other combinations of keywords or search phrases... 'dog training' won't give you any results for 'training dogs' for example, but 'dogs training' will. Hope this makes sense!

Any time you see a relevant message about something in your area of expertise, you can follow the person that posted the tweet (you aren't really interested in following them, but they like it and normally will follow you back) and then send them an @ message. DO NOT TRY AND SELL THEM ANYTHING with your first message and do not make it an automated message either. Open a dialog with the person, let them know you are an expert in the subject manor and gently prod to see if there is anything that you may do for them... FOR FREE. Yes you can post a link to your site if you feel you must, but they will ask or figure it out if they are interested. Don't be pushy!

If you want to be a spammer and annoy people, then by all means please try to monetize Twitter! Here's how!

1- Harass people with your first tweet when they follow you, by sending them an automatic DM that spams them with something to buy.

2- Spam the same tweets over and over all day and night, every day. Better yet, spam the same tweets at the same time from multiple accounts every 15 minutes 24hrs a day.

3- Post tweets that are obviously stuffed with TT's!

4- Never talk with people who are interested in your area of expertise, use software to create every tweet for you.

5- Never give free advice, or post tweets to sites that will help people and have nothing to do with something you sell.

6- Make controversial comments about religion, politics and bodily functions. Also swear whenever possible.

7- Tweet @ every user you see with your offer and website

and so on and so forth...

I know there is information here that you can use starting today to get started on Twitter. Don't worry about not understanding everything that's going on or what you should do or say. Start following some people in your area of expertise and see what they do. Don't follow celebrities unless that is your area of business; follow them once you know what you are doing and have the time to do your work plus see what Shaq is eating for lunch.

Tweet you later. =)