This essay will teach you how to dance with sexual desire, neither repressing it, nor being all-consumed by it.

MOVING BEYOND EITHER/OR THINKING

The classical image of the meditator is the solitary yogi or the celibate Buddhist monk, abstaining from sexual expression in the single-minded pursuit of a higher goal. In this archetype we are to imagine the meditator heroically overcoming sensual desire.

The lesser known image of the meditator is of the tantric practicioner, neither solitary nor a monk, who does not abandon sensual desire but uses it as part of the path.

Recently a number of teachers have sprung up in the United States claiming to teach tantra, though the value of their teachings is not always clear. Some seem to practicing a form of couples therapy, or teaching ways to enhance pleasure, and calling it tantra.

My goal in this essay is not to promote heroic celibacy, nor to hawk the esoteric secrets of tantra. Rather, I'm interested in exploring how we can intelligently relate to our sexuality using mindfulness and meditation, body-awareness and energy-awareness.

WHEN DESIRE TORMENTS YOU

Many of us have had moments in our lives when we felt controlled or consumed by our sexual and romantic desires. We've felt lovesick, preoccupied, burning with longing. It might be hard for us to concentrate because we are struggling to hold back our daydreams. When we look at the world around us, our internal longings are reflected back to us. We feel envious of the loving couples we see on the street, in the restaurant, on television. Images from advertisements and magazine covers tease our urges.

At these moments it feels like we have to either find a physical release for our erotic tension, or else forcefully suppress it. But, maybe there is no opportunity for physical release at that time. And maybe it is not so easy to suppress.

Without making a value judgment on either of these options, I'd like to suggest there is a third alternative -- be mindful of our sexual tension, and use our breath and mind to flow with it on the level of energy and sensation.

This third way assumes that we have begun to refine our body-awareness through the practice of mindfulness meditation, yoga, tai chi, Pilates, dance, or some other similar body-mind awareness activity.

This being so, we look past the thoughts, mental images, and daydreams that accompany our desire, and we use awareness to sense how erotic longing manifests in our body. Frequently there will be a concentration of energy in the pelvic area and surrounding regions.

TAMING THE UNQUENCHABLE FIRE WITHIN

If we use our meditative awareness to examine the subtle physical sensations in this region, we may sense a kind of blockage -- as if the energy is trapped and stagnating -- like a log jam in a stream, or a traffic jam at an intersection.

We then use our intention and breath to move this energy, encouraging the flow to resume. We are not trying to suppress the energy. We are just encouraging the traffic jam to break up, so the energy can flow again.

Depending upon the strength of our mindfulness, we can do this sitting, standing, or lying down -- in total peace and quiet, or in the midst of mild distractions. We start by directing our attention on the pelvic area and beginning to breathe deeply and freely, drawing the breath into the center of the body.

We sense or visualize directing our breath to the area of congestion and blockage, and we imagine we are breathing into the sensations. mingling the breath with the sensations. We imagine the blocked area is breathing and we sense the stagnant energy loosening. This begins to create more space there for the energy to flow.

INVITING -- NOT COMMANDING

We are not trying to force the energy block to break up. We are inviting it to loosen, while breathing with it. Rather than commanding it, we are moving with it, "dancing" with it. (Imagine you and a loved one lying together and breathing in rhythm with each other -- apply the same principle to breathing with the blocked energy.)

Gradually you may begin to become more aware of a "whole body" feeling, as the energy that was concentrated in the pelvic area begins to circulate through the limbs and trunk. With this return of circulation the obsessive quality of the thoughts, images, and daydreams should lighten up.

This will only work to the extent that we have built up our mindfulness and body-awareness. Once we've done so, if we practice recirculating our desire energy rather than obsessing about it, we can enjoy a friendship or partnership with our sexuality, where we can recognize our sexual urges, acknowledges our wants, and give them their due, without feeling so controlled by them.

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