My Big Fat Sexy Lingerie and Boobies Hub
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Does Sex Really Sell?
Bard of Ely thinks so.
His hub on vintage ladies slips is one of his top-earners. (Check it out, it's really good.)
I thought I'd try a little experiment and see if there's anything to it. So far my best earning article here at Hub Pages is on how to make money writing online. There's no sex in that hub, and basically what that article says is that it's almost impossible to make money by writing online.
Almost impossible.
I have been able to make a little money writing online, (Stephen King's fortunes are totally safe), mostly by creating 'content' for other people over at Elance, but I also make a little cash here from Adsense, and a little there, from friends, neighbors, and other websites and projects.
I don't spend much time on keyword research, (OK, I don't spend any time on it) and I'm almost (not totally, but almost) completely stupid when it comes to web site creation and administration. So all those profitable 'niches' are still out there for other people to cash in on, if only they can ever find them. I'm not hogging any of them, nor do I plan to.
I'm a writer, not techie. I know this about myself. So I accept my lot as a starving artist. Many people think that good writers are all rolling in dough. Those people are not writers. Writers occupy a place on the social respect & compensation hierarchy somewhere slightly below Avon ladies and slightly above telemarketers. If you don't already know this, you're not a writer.
You know: Same as it ever was.
Still, I do have some thoughts and opinions about lingerie and boobies, so I thought I'd write them out in a hub and see if it actually does result in an avalanche of Adsense money.
If it does, I will buy Steve (a.k.a. Bard of Ely) a beer.
Waiting for Boobies: A Personal History
I vividly remember waiting for boobies to appear on my personal pre-adolescent body. I was eight or nine years old, and I had one of those old vanity dressers they used to make for women and girls; the kind with a low puffy chair, a small drawer for cosmetics, a hair brush and comb set and a jewelry box on top. A big round mirror was attached to the back so you could sit or stand before the mirror and brush your hair, apply your make-up, check to make sure your slip wasn't showing, and so on and so forth.
Periodically I would pause before this big round mirror in the morning while getting dressed to check for signs of life in atop my ribcage. Once, my mother caught me doing this. She found the incident so hilarious she made sure to tell the story at every family gathering for the next several years (like, the next ten); a fact which I am certain contributed to God's decision to take her away from us early. The ten commandments are important enough, but crap like that must not go unpunished.
At any rate, it took a really, really long time for my boobs to appear, and the minute they did, I wished they would go away. Why oh why did I ever even want them? They ushered in a world of woe--most of it involving latex and the rest of it involving boys. Back in those days bras were called 'brazierres' and were stiff, scratchy little numbers with concentric circular stitching that came to a rude point on either side--the better to create twin lumps of pressure when pushed against Orlon Sweater bodices.Those bras turned breasts into weapons, but like any weapon they were just as likely to harm the bearer as the target.
Pantyhose had not been invented, so all women, even baby ones, wore girdles or 'panty girdles' (little rubberized underpants with garters attached) to keep their stockings up. Girdles had other practical uses. The more industrial styles could suck in a tummy and lift a tush. Girdles were also pretty much the only reliable contraceptive in the days before The Pill. The harder a girdle was to wriggle into the harder it was to wriggle out of. My paternal grandmother slept in one for most of her adult life, ("Sex is beautiful, Pammy," she used to say, "but enough is enough."), and my best friend never took hers off except to take a bath. ("It just makes me feel safer. I can't explain it.")
One night when I was about 10 years old, I went to bed wearing a children's size 14 dress with no boobs at all, and the next morning I woke up needing a misses size 12 and a 36B bra. Wearing a bra in fifth grade is kind of like wearing fruit on your head and a 'kick me' sign on your ass--it brings out the very worst in boys, who should all get shipped to a desert island when they are about 8 and only allowed to return when they are 30ish, but we all know that doesn't happen.(Though Walt Disney did suggest it.)
Then I started my period that same year. My mother was in the hospital and my grandmother and grandfather were staying with us kids. I told my grandmother what was happening, and she wailed, "Oh my god! Your poor mother! Oh my god!" and locked me in my mother and father's bedroom sitting on a diaper with the lights off. In between the "Oh my god!"s and the "Your poor mother!"s she kept knocking on the door and saying, "This is a beautiful natural thing Pammy, don't worry everything will be alright." Then right back to "Oh my god. Your poor mother."
Eventually my grandfather returned with the necessary paper products and my life as a woman began. When my mother returned from the hospital I got a pamphlet with flowers on it entitled, "Becoming a Woman."
Apparently, becoming a woman has something to do with floral arrangements and tight white pants.
I'm still trying to figure that pamphlet out.
Bigger Is Not Always Better
After waking up in full flower at 10, I stayed exactly the same size for the next 20 years. As my emotional maturity slowly caught up with my physical maturity (very slowly), I gained a deeper appreciation for my femaleness, including an appreciation for the perks and benefits of having boobs.
Boobs are really great and handy things to have. Seriously, everyone should have a couple; they're tons of fun. I found them especially helpful in my twenties. With the help of underwire push-up bras and other hydraulic lingerie devices, they made me at least 40 I.Q. points smarter when I was in the company of men. After my children were born, I found that they greatly appreciated them as well, albeit for different reasons.
I had always wondered what it would be like to have some real bazongas though. You know: big 'uns--giant, attention-getting, prize-winning mammaries. After my third child was born I had an opportunity to find out. My boobs ballooned to 38DD and my face temporarily disappeared completely. No one even remembered what my face looked like, or cared. Elderly men followed me around supermarkets staring at my chest and drooling on their polyester leisure suits. I weaned my son as soon as possible and went back to my old self, my curiosity more than satisfied and my gratitude for my ordinary frame greatly increased.
I breastfed all my children and was a regular LaLeche League member for almost ten years. That's right: I lactated for nearly a solid decade. What I learned during that period of my life is that, while men love boobs, and women love boobs, hardly anyone, male or female, can handle even the mere whiff of the idea that boobs make milk for babies. For reasons I have yet to understand, the idea that women feed babies with their breasts completely freaks most adult people out---including, unfortunately, many nursing mothers, who often give up on nursing after only the most cursory attempt because of the shame and confusion and tension they feel over the whole thing.
I nursed babies in hot cars, in public restroom stalls, under blankets and coats, and locked in my own bedroom, all to protect the comfort of adults. I'm not even talking about allowing women to whip out their bare breasts in public to feed a baby (though seriously I don't personally see anything wrong with that)--I'm talking about discreet, covered up nursing. If other people know that's what a woman is doing, they start to lose it. I think it's just totally distorted and weird.
Women are juicy, and it alarms people.
What is it about female anatomy that fosters the social invention of disturbing, embarrassing undergarments designed to create shame? For every peignor set trimmed with ostrich feathers and accessorized with satin mules, there's a rubber girdle somewhere with a built in sanitary pad holder, and a giant latex nursing bra that flaps open with great difficulty, spilling cotton milking pads onto the floor and staining the front of a perfectly good blouse. Women are ethereal and sensual or they're gooey and smelly and full of blood and assorted other scary fluids. Women are all of that. And so is women's lingerie.
Women's lingerie is delicate and fresh. Women's underwear is functional and disturbing. The twain never really meet except in some very narrow, fetishistic forms of porn. That's just part of what it means to be a woman I guess.
Yay.
My Favorite Lingerie Item
At 56, my roller coaster love affair with lingerie has mellowed into a comfortable friendship. Recently my sister-in-law made me a purple satin 1940s style robe for my birthday, and I love it. I also love those old Jean Harlow satin gowns and those little mules with feathers on them. Lace trimmed slips are lovely, and bustiers are tons of fun too.
But what I'm mostly drawn to at this age are flannel pajamas.
Few activities are more comforting than curling up on the sofa in a pair of flannel pajamas with a good book or a movie, and maybe a chocolate chip cookie or two. I find that the things I read lately about the rip-snorting lively sex lives of the elderly do not seem to apply to me. I'm not exactly ashamed of my body, but neither do I feel compelled to put it on display for strangers anymore... and I think the strangers are grateful for that. (They'd rather have the cookies anyway.)
The gunk of reproduction is gone too: All the hype about "THE CHANGE" turned out to be nonsense. I barely noticed it. One day I just realized I wasn't donating as much money to Kimberly Clark as I once did, and that was pretty much that. I am going gentle into that good night, and it's ok. It's fine. Pour me another glass of cold milk.
Now. Let's see if those Adsense dollars show up.
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Excellently told and I guarantee it'll get you a million or so hits. Am 56 myself and can relate to the age thing...not so much to the milk factory....but that is the source of great fantasy to me. I've tried breast milk as an adult...and let me tell you...what a turn on.
Although maybe you should have left off the word FAT in the title.
I don't know Blue, think it gives it an added dimension, I like the fat in the title. A bit like My Big Fat Greek Wedding - wouldn't have ben the same just called My Greek wedding
Pam, only you! What a roll! I couldn't stop laughing -- very unatractively, too, a la hyena! My question is: where are the clickable ads on this page? I don't see any!
This is a crack up "Pammy." Loved the visual of you sitting on your mother's bed in the dark with your grandmother ourtide. LOL
What a hoot! Being, well... into my 60's, I can identify with a lot of your images. Weren't those panty girdles awful!
No adsense ads showing - guess you won't have to buy that beer.
Hi everybody,
Wow, preliminary results are encouraging... but where ARE those ads????
You know, I disabled Kontera. I wonder if that's why there aren't any. But Google should still be going strong. It figures--only I could managee this--write a hub to pander to ads and then mess it up in some way that there aren't any ads...lol!
Well, that's one beer I won't have buy though!
Pam,
My most successful hub by far is my hub about the nude in art. You only have to put even a vaguely suggestive word in a hub title and hey, watch those statistics double and treble! You'll do fantastically with this. It's guaranteed!
Boobies! They're great aren't they? I breast fed my little ones too, and I could never understand what other Mothers found so problematic. The perfect food available 24/7 and delivered at the perfect temperature without the need to sterilize. How great is that?
Hi Pam, I must admit that Steve's lingerie hubs put me off completely, so I'm definitely not the cause of any increase in revenue for him. This, on the other hand, is another story altogether. Not so much provocative as funny. ot sure it will bring in revenues or not, but I'd recommend it. And I like "fat" in the title too. Fat underwear. Now that's a thought.
PS My last hub is without ads too. What's going on?
This is highly entertaining! Thank you. Got my morning off to a rollicking start! You tell the tale of womanhood quite well. Yes, many of us are at that point where we've been there, done that, and are having great fun watching the show!
Hi CJ--Well, I just reread the Google adsense policy and it says that content can't be 'mature or adult' (first time my content was ever accused of being 'mature' lol!) and it can't encourage people to click on ads. So I think this hub violates both of those, though not for any malicious purpose. But yours--I can't see a thing wrong with yours. Maybe something else is going on. :)
Amanda, I so agree about breastfeeding. I never thought of it at all until I had a child, and then it was all selfish--as in, why should I get up at 2 a.m. and warm up a cold bottle when I've got it all RIGHT HERE? I thought it was just a crackerjack system. It's sad that modern culture makes it so challenging for young women. It should be just the default method I think.
Pam, I really am rolling on the floor. How is it possible that the one hub here that admits to pander to ads has NONE?! Did you check your account? Is something wrong with it? Or is it a stunt that google is pulling on you? I'm sorry, don't meant to laugh too much at your expense, but really.... ay ay ay!
EDITED: There are two on top now! Bravo!
Pam, thanks for the morning giggle. I've found that my sexier hubs way out perform my serious ones. One just hit 10,000 views, crazy. My others get a couple hundred by comparison. My scientific results indicate that: men are pigs. :)
My Jensen Ackles hub accounts for almost a quarter of my total hub views, but the CTR rate was so bad I eventually disabled ads completely. I suppose it is one of the dreaded "sexy picture" hubs, so maybe if it were targeting people with a lingerie fetish it would do better. Jensen Ackles in lingerie... now there's something I would NOT like to see! :D
Your puberty experience sounds positively traumatic. I may call my mother and thank her for being sane when I finish this comment.
Also agree with you and Amanda about breastfeeding. I did have trouble early on, but it was so much more *convenient* than bottle feeding. I hate doing dishes.
Elena, I agree! It's too funny that Google is posting zero ads. I thought about changing the text to see if I could 'fix' that but then I thought, oh hell, who cares? It was an experiment after all and now I have my answer... AND I don't have to buy Steve a beer!
Randy--In the future I'll try being more suble about it and see if it boosts my ad revenue. This was a fun experiment though.
kerry--My puberty experience was hideous. If I don't laugh about it I'll fall into a pool of toxic sludge and never emerge again. Some people close to me have said, "You should write about it. It would be so interesting." I can't do it though and be serious though without getting upset. Maybe some day I'll be able to do it. I'd like to. Thanks for stopping by.
***goldentoad feels helplessly drawn to hub and keeps muttering "boobs"***
lol! Boobs do have that effect on some people...
Here's hoping those AdSense $'s start flying in. A very good article.
Wonderful hub! I can remember going through some of the same feelings and struggles. I was an extremely early bloomer which made for total awkwardness growing up.
"Women's underwear is functional and disturbing"???? LMAO! I loved, loved, loved it. I also love the little story of your paternal grandmother sleeping in her girdle because enough was enough. Too funny. I really enjoyed reading this. Interesting perspective, and very relatable. Thanks for writing, and I hope you make an avalanche of money on adsense!! ~mh
I love those maribou mule slippers too! Perhaps it is due to the glamour of old hollywood, but I just can't help myself!
Hi Pam,Another great hub, and I came here because I got the email about you writing it, not because of the boobies... my Mum gave me aversion therapy regarding boobies when my Uncle Colin split on me and two friends when I was seven and he caught us looking at the lingerie ads in a catalogue...On the money front with respect to adsense, (and I have been doing very little over the last couple of months), I am earning about six to ten times the money on my gundog-training website compared to what I have made through hubpages.Again I am not working on the keywords which I know is stupid if money is the guiding principle, it really is. One of my ezine articles that was not particulary well written, has had three times the number of reads as the next article, based on the title alone. Much lower click through rate though, because the article is rubbish.
Thanks Triplet Mom!
Mother Hubber & C_Gautreaux, thank you for stopping by. :)
Hi Ken,
That's great about your gun dogs site. I still haven't even added Google adsense or affiliate ads or anything to my web site. I totally neglect it. Now with the weather warming up I have even less time for it, but honestly I have to quit the avoidance thing with learning this stuff--I can't learn it if I don't try! I kind of want to spend some time working on a book--I have an idea for one. Maybe it could be a serial. Thanks for your comments and for stopping by. It's great to hear you're making some $$$$ on your site. :)
Don't read too much into it mind... not so much $$$$ as $... :-)
Ewwww R.Blue likes breast milk, I will pass on that. That's funny you standing in front of the mirror waiting for your boobies to pop out haha.I did the same but I had to wait til about 15, was a late starter. They just seemed to grow overnight, one minute had flat pancakes, the next minute there was watermelons in the garden bed. Took a little adjusting I can tell you LMAO. Good luck with your hub I am rooting for you yahooooooo.xox
Wonderful hub! What a weird glimpse into the mysteries of girlhood and womanhood. Though happily I have to tell you that I'm the exception to one common custom there.
I like being a mammal and love it that my daughter breastfed both her kids. I was never embarrassed about her breast feeding. I thought it was awesome and would brag on it occasionally on my blog, passing on her brags including one that was so obvious to me in retrospect that the only reason people aren't aware of it is that uptight 1950s mentality hanging on.
Women's bodies gear themselves to give milk after having a baby. Women put on weight because they are literally eating for two. They are still eating for two right after it's born, especially if it's healthy. But the ones that don't breastfeed never take the weight off again. The body hangs onto that fat hoping she'll breed again, saving it for the next kid -- and then it gets cumulative and you have skinny young things turning into big plump mamas.
Except that every woman I ever knew who used that extra food for what it was for and completed the process by giving milk has never had any trouble taking the weight off after pregnancy. That bottleneck is a huge cause of female obesity, so this myth that breastfeeding is icky or unnatural in some way, that people don't like thinking of themselves as mammals actually hurts women in a lot of ways.
The health benefits to the babies are screamingly obvious too. My grandkids aren't fat. They get a little baby fat. I can tell that's what it is because they can have it one afternoon and shoot up an inch taller by morning. Even as babies they looked leaner and more muscled -- and it was freaky to see them because they were beautiful.
All my life I thought babies were ugly. People would go on about them and show pictures of these little screaming blobs and I'd have to choke down my real feelings in order to be polite. It wasn't till I had these grandkids and saw the kids of a couple of breastfeeding female friends who didn't look like the ugly babies that I realized I was reacting to real ill health -- that a great many "cute" babies are suffering severe obesity from empty calories in formula that mixes cow's milk and corn syrup.
These kids also have no aversion to healthy foods. They gorge on peas and fruit and eat all the good stuff that's set in front of them, they have a few dislikes but nothing like the loathing I had for all vegetation as a kid. They don't have that pinched needy starved look or an addiction to sugar.
So five stars to you for daring to say in public that you breastfed your kids. I'd lay odds that's how you're still a slim trim pretty lil thing in flannel jammies -- and to be honest, to me that's a sexy image, a woman your age in comfy flannel pajamas in some pleasant winter cabin snowed in with not much to do but snuggle, that seems sexy in its own way as much as the satin Jean Harlow robes -- not that those aren't dramatic enough.
Imagine me looking like Vincent Price and wearing his cool bathrobe and you're on for shared fantasy. We could even have a hot rum toddy by the fire and talk about art.
Ken--Me too. Small dollars, not big ones. But hey, we gotta start somewhere...
Blonde Poet, thanks for reading this! I had fun with it. :)
Robert--Actually I'm not all that trim or little, but the fantasy is nice. :)
Breastfeeding really melted the weight off after my kids were born though. I ate like a lumberjack and was still skinnier than my prepregnancy weight at 6 weeks post partum. Those little wailers suck that weight right off a person alright. My doctor said that there should actually be three different sexes: women, men, and lactating women--that's how different the hormones are.
LOL! Your article brought memories of wearing girdles to hold up the stockings as a young teen, and how since I was so skinny they wouldn't really do a good job.
I am chuckling, here you write your first hub on the bra subject as a test to see if you get ad clicks, and, there are no ads???!!!
Hi Violetsun! I know, I know! Crazy isn't it? I think I might have offended The Google. \
My best friend when I was growing up was skinny too--she was 95 pounds soaking wet--and she had the same problem. I actually kind of liked stockings better than I like pantyhose. You can still buy stockings, but they aren't the same. I never wear pantyhose. I seem to just touch them and they run. But I wear tights sometimes. Thanks for reading this. :)
This was wonderful! So funny! I was right there with you. All the memories, the girdles, garter belts, etc. I only have a vague memory of when I 'became a woman', with my mom and me in the bathroom, she handed me a pad, showed me how to hook it on, and left the room. I'm grateful :)
I'm with you on the flannel! I used to have lovely, sexy lingerie when I was a young woman, and after a few years, I stopped buying it. It never stayed on for more than a minute.
This was a fun read! Thanks for sharing!
hear hear on the breastfeeding. It was purely selfish. I was thinking of all the $$ I could save not buying formula, all the foul smells I wouldn't have to sniff, and the convenience of having the midnight snacks on tap, not to mention that nursing moms tend to get their pre-baby bodies back a lot faster. But while we're on the subject of females being juicy and full of fluids that burst forth at the wrong moments, we should never forget that men are quite volatile and full of flammable gases that are also quite toxic.
pg
I just dropped by to make your fan total 1000.
Sorry if i put you into the higher hub bracket.
Pam, I too find it odd that nobody thinks much about well-endowed woman in a tiny bikini top with her nipples barely covered. But let her use one of those boobs as the feeding station it's meant to be and...OMG!...run!...don't look!...she shouldn't be doing THAT in public! Oh puhleese.
btw, ads seem to be MIA all over Hubland. Nobody knows why.
Love your hub!
I breastfed my son, it seemed normal for me - my mother was a toddler-feeding weirdo for all four of us.
I ate like a pig after Isaac was born, I was starving all the time, and never stopped stuffing my face. And I still lost weight fast. It was great!
What a great read - I totally relate to your experience of puberty. I can still cringe when I think about it. When my periods started my mum actually said those words "you're a woman now" ! ugh! Later on in life I loved breastfeeding my daughter and the day her period started I said right, day off school - and we went on a shopping spree.
No google ads on the page when I read this ...
Hi all,
It's weird about the ads--apparently it isn't just this hub. Some kind of deadline passed on April 8th at Google--I wonder if it's something about that?
Thanks for your commnents!
what happened to ads for this page?
Great Hub well written, Very funny indeed. Lovely images (OMG did I just say that?)
Hi hubber & Sixtyorso,
Google tightened up its ad policy so they won't be posting any. CJStone had the same thing happen on a hub where he talks about male strippers.
IMO it's kind of annoying. I think Google is setting the bar way too high. This hub is hardly porn, and his isn't either. It's stupid.
Pam still no ads.
Brrrrr. you brought back image of when I was about 6 seeing my much older sister in one of those girdle thingies. Brrrrrr Now I'll have nightmares! :-)
CJ's hub had some ads on a few minutes ago. It may depend on where you are located?
Hi ag,
Girdles ARE scary! Sorry about that!
I don't think they will be posting any ads here. I disabled Kontera, so CJ's ads might be Kontera ads.
I'm not taking the ad thing personally, but it is annoying.
I only read this hub because you wrote it - normally never click on anything about lingerie, boobs or sex. This is because I reckon I know enough! Anyway, so glad I did because as usual the writing is great and I can relate the the story - but I couldn't tell it like you do!
The lack of ads is a bit sad! I'll suggest to Tricia (the other Patricia) that we should do a Hub called something like 'why we chose to breast feed' - just to see if Google counts that as sex or adult content. Of course, it might result in us being banned from the whole web - would be typical of prevelent attitudes to breast feeding? Should we risk it?
Pam you now have about 6 ads. i think you have been confusing the google spiders.
Hi 2patricias! Yes, that would be a good experiement--although I confess, this whole internet game with the ads and trying to squeeze money out of the venue does get trying and vexing at times. I'm thinking of writing a hub about THAT, because print media are disappearing, and what we have left is this, and it has quite a few irritations and challenges. I don't think online writing is as good as print writing, and I do think there are reasons for that, not the least of which is the unsubtle pressure to make EVERYTHING an extended commercial advertisement. Thanks for stopping by!
ag--Now they are gone! Who know the ways of The Google? Not you not I! Truly it is a mysterious creature, a demigod we dare not provoke!
I can see lots of google ads.
Pam ads still there but are not relevant to the content . therein lies the sting in the tail. You are confusing the beast and it does not know what to do. if it cant make up its mind it does nothing.
Just take a look at the Related hubs block.
Very, very weird. In my view, I see not one single ad. That's so weird.
I think you are right. The beast is confused.
And now, so am I!
Hi Pam! I can already see the Cash bells ringing for this one...
I have always been weirded out when women would come into a resurant I once worked at and would flop out the tit to feed junior. I dunno... I mean it's not like I dont know what a tit is, hell I have em myself... but its just... weird because I dont think other peoples kids should have to be exposed to that. Whenever someone did this, we would always have mobs of other women with young children come up to the counters to ask us to politley tell the breastfeeder to cover it up. lol.
However that is nothing comapred to what this one woman did once. So digusting... she began changing a diaper right on one of our resturant tables. I nearly vomitted all over the place. I have a weak stomach for the scent of poo. lol... I threw her out of the store faster than a wave of thunder.
Thanks Anamika!
Mellas--I think your feelings about it are really common. The diaper changing though, ack! That's nuts. What gets into people??? That would send me over the edge too!
Very cool article. I really hate that you can't make any money writing on the web! I have written a novel but getting that REALLY ready to publish and even to find an agent is an uphill battle.
So, I think you are proving your point...noticed someone just put up a hub with penis in the title - is this a trend?
Hi Diane--That is so cool that you wrote a novel though. I hope you can find a way to get it published. I'd like to do write a novel someday, but you're right--what do you do with it once it is done? It's tough all over I guess. Thank you for commenting.
(Hope the penis hubber realizes there's no ad money!)
So sorry about the lack of ads Pam, especially as your hub had me in stitches laughing. I reckon I am still waiting for my boobies to appear, as even at 39 they are still only a 34B size, and they didn't appear at all until I was about 16.
I also used to wear stockings, but when I first tried them out I didn't have a suspender belt for them, so I used two elastic bands to hold them up. One day at school on my way to my maths class, one of the elastic bands snapped and I found one of my stockings rapidly heading down towards my ankle. I managed to make it to the lesson, and at the end of the lesson I asked the male teacher if I could have an elastic band. I reckon he thought I planned to 'ping' it at somebody, so he insisted on knowing what I wanted it for. Blushing furiously I told him it was to hold up my stocking. I am sure he must have struggled to keep a straight face, but he did let me have a new elastic band.
"I dunno... I mean it's not like I dont know what a tit is, hell I have em myself... but its just... weird because I dont think other peoples kids should have to be exposed to that."
Yup, God forbid any poor children to be exposed to the weird and frankly unnatural idea of a mother feeding a baby. Shocking.
They should do something wholesome instead, like eat chips and watch people shooting each other on TV.
misty, that is too funny! I guess there are some good things about pantyhose!
LG, I think Mellas Views feelings are common, but I don't see what's wrong with it either. I always deferred to the prevailing view because it's hard enough (or was) without people freaking out too, but I think it's too bad. Most countries don't see it as anything weird at all.
Pam, I love to see women in the act of breastfeeding. Why is it that when breasfeeding,breasts are not associated with sex?
I enjoyed your hub.
Brilliant. Women are juicy, and that scares people. And the pamphlet with pink flowers. Brilliant hub -- I needed a good laugh.
At the time I'm writing this, there are NO ads on this hub.
I absolutely love this hub! It's everything a hub should be.
In addition to the two parts Teresa mentioned I like the lines:
"Women are ethereal and sensual or they're gooey and smelly and full of blood and assorted other scary fluids. Women are all of that. And so is women's lingerie."
How funny!!! Let me know how you do, I recieved hits on my tests, but the money was far and few in between I guess it depends on what Country you are in that pays out. :)
Thank you francia!
Teresa, thank you for reading this. I'm so glad you got a laugh out of it. :0
KCC & AEvans--I violated at least two Adsense policies in this hub, so I guess I won't be earning ANY ad revenue. But it was still fun.
Thanks for your comments!
How are the gazongas? Ha,ha!
Amen! I really enjoyed reading this hub. I don't remember much about my first period other than it came after I had turned 11. I do think girdles can make sense in that it gives a good squeeze but I don't have any. What do you think about thongs?
I like those bra photos they form the very rare twin peaks that manufacturers seem to shy away from making today.
Im not seeing any Adsense ads either ... Great hub though funny too!
Pam - This is wonderful stuff - not sure it delivers the goods for the big boobs/sexy lingerie market but it is a delight to read! It communicates so well to we men the reality of being a woman and reminds us how 'wrong' it is to turn women into sex objects (although we all do it!). There is so much humor here but also lots of home truths too.
I too have strayed a little into 'glamour' territory but my experience is the 'sexier' it gets the lower the CTR and value of the clicks! It is a crime that your Adsense has been supressed when 'hot aunty hubs' with only a photogallery get Ads.
Pam - I think you need to stop being such a fine writer and learn to write in short key words (boobs, sexy, jugs, hot etc.). Only then will you be 'an AdSense success'!
Hi Rik!
It's funny, this hub--I wanted to see if the sexy thing would get ads (per Bard of Ely) and ha, ha. No ads at all!!! Oh well...it's just as well, since as you point out, it's not really all that sexy, just has those keywords in the title. :)
Weirdly I've found now that clients want keywords minimized. The same clients that used to want articles stuffed with keywords now don't want that, because Google keeps changing their game to weed out 'bots' and webpreneurs with their get rich quick methods and what have you... If I ever catch up on my paid work I'm going to write a hub about the effect the web is having on writing. I think it's good in some ways but really bad in other ways. I think that so far the web is producing very little in the way of quality writing, and now newspapers are disappearing. Scary stuff.
It interests me, at any rate. But, back to the grind...
Thanks for your comments!
Love it! I especially like the line women are juicy and it alarms people. It's true. I breast fed all three of my children and I had no problem doing it in public. I'm not saying I would just whip out a boob, well not all the time, in the plain sight of everyone. I usually used a blanket or a coat, but people would always stare and gawk like I was doing something horribly wrong instead of doing what I thought was the right thing for my child. It's crazy.
Hi gwendymom,
Yes I feel the same way. When you're all covered up like that, what's the problem? People are just nuts about it. Thanks for your comments!
Pam
interesting what you say about keywords and about writing quality on the Internet. My recent hubs are not particularly well written - If I'm honest, I've been tempted down the road of picking niche topics like 'cuff links' and adding the appropriate keywords to try to maximise earnings via AdSense.
its all to easy to become a 'writing tart' and chase Google exposure rather than sincere, quality prose - that's why I rate this article - it comes from the heart!
Thanks Rik!
Although, I confess, I'd become a 'writing tart' too if I could figure out how! Thanks for the compliment. :0
Ms Grundy, You need your own show, this hub is a scream
Joe
Pam,
Just wondered. Is it working? Are the saucy words catching a wider audience?
Yes I think so too
Thanks splum and Joe!
Amanda--No, the test was a total bust! lol! Turns out I violated two Google rules in this hub--one against encouraging people to click on ads (which I don't think I really do here, but oh well) and one against explicitly sexual content (which I also think I don't do here, but oh well), so ironically there are no ads and not even any more clicks than any other hub.
It was fun to write though!
As someone who writes a great deal of lingerie hubs, I can attest to their efficacy. Hint: Don't use the word "sex", don't make it lewd - just talk about lingerie in the same way you would discuss a peice of toast and Google shouldn't have too much of an issue.
If anyone has problem with a woman nursing their children then they should look somewhere else. Honestly, why do people care so much?
Pam, enjoyed your lingerie hub. I understand you use to wear the silky lingerie but now prefer cotton, what a shame. I find the smooth feel of satin lingerie quite sensual and exciting, be it on myself or my girlfriend. I would bet, deep inside, you are still the "little girl" who enjoys the frilly, silky panties. You even mention your love of satin gowns, laced trimmed slips and bustiers. For me garters and stockings, panties, and bra are about as close as I can get to womanhood.
I totally loved this. It was GREAT!! I could visualize the whole story. I remember when I first got boobs. It was AWFUL!!! Yes you were so right about the boys acting CRAZY. I couldn`t do all the things I did before with boys because they were always trying to grab my small boobs which seemed like HUGE grapefruits to me at the time. Then I had to learn to fight them and be more tomboyish. It was better for me at that point. Yes this blog reminds me of my own childhood. Wow. Thank u for sharing!!!!
Shar
good subject
Great info I really will think about this. Thanks for sharing.
This was such a great hub! I loved it!! As a woman, I agree, boobs can be no fun :) For the guys, sure, but we're the ones who have to strap those puppies in and haul them around. The back pain, the lumps, the uni-boob...oh the issues with breasts. haha...hope the money flowed in from your sexy hub :D
Thanks Janetta! I'm glad you enjoyed this. :)
Great post.
Hydraulic lingerie devices? I'm missing out on something.
I remember when all the girls couldn't wait for them. Now they are mostly just in the way.
Pam, sorry I am so late at this excellent and very funny hub I helped inspire! I am now wondering if my hubs have got ads. I have assumed so but not really been looking. That would be typical though if having now cracked the secret of getting high traffic and some money coming in that it all stops! lol I had better go and have a look at mine!
Hi Steve,
I think it's hilarious that I wrote this in response to your challenge and Google blocked all ads from it for violating their new policies. It's funny too because they post some of the dumbest most offensive ads, but for content they are strict as hell now. LOL! Oh well, it was fun anyway! :)
I feel fortunate, indeed, that by the time I sprouted the old ice cream cone-shaped bras were gone. I look at 1950s women with their pointy boobs and I just say, "Didn't they have mirrors?"
Great hub. And I'm 100% with you on the flannel pjs rather than lingerie.
I am wondering what words caused yours to be blocked? I checked my hubs and I have ads on mine so I am still OK and am carrying on with a series of interviews with slip models or makers in the case of Constance Anderson in a new hub.
It looks to me as if you are OK to publish articles if certain words they do not approve are not included. This is what we need to know.
Hi MM--Yes, those bullet bras were dangerous! At a certain age, I think lingerie becomes sort of 'undignified'--but maybe that's just me. Lucky for me my guy likes me for a number of reasons so my flannelware is perfectly acceptable!
Steve--I think I got blocked by 'the Google' on this hub because of the word 'boobies' in the title and because I say right in the hub I'm just writing it to see if I get more ad clicks, which you aren't allowed to do--say that. It's in Google's policy but who ever reads it? Clearly not me! LOL!
Thanks for explaining, Pam! I will make sure I don't use the offending word. Just thought - perhaps removing the naughty words from tags might help?
Good idea! I took them out. We'll see if that helps. :)
Yes the ads are back! At least I can see them!
Yes, very entertaining, thank you
What a great hub. You had me all the way to the end, with lots of memories flying through my head!
Okay, I have to admit, I was totally planning to speed-scroll through your hub here, just to get a sense of what you're like (and yes, the sex thing reeled me in, simply out of curiousity), but I got hooked from the get-go, and nearly laughed my ass off from beginning to end! (I say 'nearly' because, alas, my ample backside is still here.) I can relate to pretty much all of what you wrote about, and since you wrote it so well, I won't be redundant with a bunch of my exact-same comments. Just know--Mom-comment-fearing, 5th grade bra-wearing, long-time breast-feeding, don't-get-what-the-hell's-the-problem-with-it, pre-menapausal women other than you DO exist out there (as would be indicated by the 5,000 hits on your hub, including me, your new and totally enthusiastic fan).
P.S. 56 is elderly? Seriously? Oh crap--I only have 16 years left to be "barely legal"!!! (No, really, have you seen Michelle Pfieffer, Angela Basset, Madonna, Oprah, Sharon Stone, Kim Cattral, Kim Bassinger, and your own hub picture lately?) :-)
Thanks Ashley and daboxlady! I'm glad to see the ads return. :)
Trips--Yes indeedy there are lots of us 'elderly' ladies out here! LOL! I know, 50 is the new 30. I wish I looked like Madonna or Michelle Pfeiffer or Sharon Stone or Angela Basset--but you are right, it's not like smalll children run screaming from me in terror or anything. Thanks for your comments, glad you got a laugh out of this. :)
You know I like your writing, Pam, but you simply have to learn to give up your shyness and be more open and expressive about your personal life and thoughts.
Steve--lol! Well, actually Bard of Ely kind of challenged us all to try this to see if the ad results were what he got, and I must say, although at first Google blocked all ads from this hub, once I took the word 'booby' off the tag list the ads came back, and now it is one of the highest earning hubs I have. It's just crazy, isn't it? I suppose I should have gone on to write 10 more for the ad revenue, but one was, um, more than enough!
Now all the ads seem to be gone again! lol!
Geez!
Great experiment, love to hear an update on your findings?
Rated your hub up, checkout mine on the benefits of buying lingerie online:
SEXY
Great reading! Keep on writing!
I am seeing ads on this hub now, so I really want to know...how is the hub doing.
Actually I know it is doing very well because it made me laugh again the second time I read it, and I will never forget "women are juicy!"
Edit: Just saw your comment that this is now one of your highest earning hubs. I am very happy to hear that. Keep up the good work!
It often doesn't sell because guys want it for free.Anyway, they control over women, don't they, so she should be this and that, never mind their behaviour, so paying is the last option. There's too much of it out there given for free.
I really enjoyed reading this. You see i was googling the words that i feel fat in lingerie, and i came across this. I found it very very funny LOL..
Thanks!!!
One question did you ever feel fat?? I am 25 and have had 2 kids. I just feel fat eventhough the scale says otherwise.. ahhh..
hope u get this!!
Thanks Penny!
Weirdly, at 56 I feel pretty good most of the time even though I'm a good 25 pounds heavier than I was in my 20s. I feel fat some days, sure, but most days I don't care.
When I was 25 though, I cared a lot so it all seemed like a bigger deal. I wish I had that body now!
Ads or not, this is a fun read. Thank you for summing it all up with humor and dignity. I remember wearing a girdle before pantyhose were invented and I was about 5 foot 6 inches tall, weighing all of 105 pounds. Didn't need a girdle then, need one now.
Same here! But I would never wear a girdle today. Wore it when I didn't need it, don't want one when I do! Lol!
So true! When I said I "needed" one, I didn't mean I wear one.
Life is all about comfort now.
YOU WROTE:My paternal grandmother slept in one for most of her adult life, ("Sex is beautiful, Pammy," she used to say, "but enough is enough."), and my best friend never took hers off except to take a bath.
OMG!
Sorry I took so long to discover this incredible hub after my own heart!
love this hub, fun to read... as for getting traffic to certain hubs, the one hub that I have that has the word 'sex' in it gets lots of traffic, so I can imagine the words sexy, lingerie, and boobies is has steered many readers to your hub.. way to work it...clever and fun!
wonderful
Google probably won't let Adsense anywhere near it. The hub deals with lingerie, (gasp!) sex, and (looks carefully in all directions and whispers...) lactation. I would say "Mrs. Grundy" might be looking but, well, she wrote it, didn't she? :-)
Interesting hub, would love to see more pin-up ladies from the 60's like marylin monroe.
cindyvine says:
7 months ago
I love this Pam, very clever! Excellent how you personalised it, shows that you're a great writer, so who cares about the adsense dollars!