She called me from work around 10:00 p.m. and asked me to stay up. She had something to tell me. It was Leap Year, February 29, 1996. When she got home I could sense that something terrible had happened. Her nervousness was very apparent.

She came to the point quickly, “I’ve been to see a lawyer. She’s making up a separation agreement. We have to be separated for a year, and then the divorce will be final,” she said.

I was too stunned to speak

Stunned doesn’t adequately describe how I felt. I was literally speechless. How do you counter a statement like that after nearly 40 years of marriage? All I could muster was, “Why?”

“I’ve given this a lot of thought. This has to be. Mother and Daddy agree,” she added

“I don’t understand. What did I do?”

“Sometimes I don’t like your tone of voice,” she said in a whisper.

By now tears streaked my face. My brain was doing flip-flops inside my head. I felt flushed and if I hadn’t been sitting already I would have collapsed onto the floor.

She then muttered some other comments that I heard but didn’t listen to. “I know you were planning on going on your camping trip tomorrow,” she said “I still think you should go.”

The next morning she was gone

“I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom,” I said but sleep didn’t come easily. Maybe she’ll reconsider in the morning, but in the morning she wasn’t there. Our bed hadn’t been slept in.

Memories flooded my mind

The remembrance of my drive to Merchant’s Mill Pond the next day is just as clear as when I drove it. For the first time in my adult life I was totally alone. What could life be without her? She had just turned 16 and I was 19 when she was my “blind date” for my senior prom. We were inseparable from that moment on.

As I drove along, oblivious of the traffic around me, a thought came into my mind, “My God, what will I do at Christmas?” We had spent every Christmas over the past 40 years together. I sobbed at first, then the tears flowed like a river. I had to pull off the road until I could see plainly again.

No stranger to divorce

I was no stranger to divorce. My grandmother had three marriages, or was it four? My Mother divorced my father after nearly 30 years. My brother was divorced and so was my youngest son, and my sister was living with her third husband. Is my family cursed?

I had no idea where to turn. I called her frequently (and left messages). I offered to go into counseling, to see a doctor of her choosing, anything was OK with me. Nothing worked.

Maybe you are exhibiting some of my symptoms from back then:

-Leaving the radio off because every song makes you cry

-Loss of appetite

-Binge eating for comfort

-Calling your ex several times a day

-Constantly checking your voice mail to see if he/she called

-Not going out because you are afraid to miss a call

-Thinking non-stop about why she/he REALLY left you

-Feeling massively depressed

-Feeling urges to spy on him/her

-Endlessly rehearsing what you should have said

-Endlessly rehearsing what you will say if you meet again

Is there an answer?

I did end up under the care of a psychiatrist, but only because my HMO had one. I even contemplated suicide (that’ll show her). The end result was the divorce became final after a year. What could I have done to avert the whole process? Today I have some answers that I believe would have worked.

A very sad story

The really sad part of this story is that I went to visit her a few months ago. She is in an “assisted living” facility, suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. I took her a bouquet of Peace roses, her favorite. She still remembered me. As I was leaving she whispered, “I still love you.”

I did everything wrong back then. Knowing what I know today, I COULD HAVE STOPPED IT! My hope is that you don’t screw up like I did. I can help you. One of the best selling eBooks on the market today has helped over 6,000 folks just like you. Please take the time to check it out.

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