My Failed Business Ideas Might Make You Rich!
78Make a Million Dollars Just By Driving This Van
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How My Failed Ideas Could Make You Wealthy!
Over the past couple of years, I’ve come up with a few business start-up ideas I believed would take off and make me a fortune. These were ideas for brick and mortar businesses as well as online ventures. Some ideas were possible, while others were downright insane. Here are a couple of the ones that didn’t make my master list. If you can make them work, you’re free to steal them.
Good luck. Please feel free to post your business ideas that you will never use in the comments section below.
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How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale
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Make Love
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Making Love
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The Love Machine
IDEA 1: The Love Machine: This idea (even I admit) was way out there, but it was weird enough for me and a few friends to sit down, make spreadsheets and write a half-assed business plan over. It was called (for lack of a better name) Project Love Machine. Here's the breakdown.
The business: A fully customized van that couples could use for a romantic interlude for 1-3 hours. Essentially, a traveling motel room.
Startup Costs: Between $75,000-$100,000
The Plan: Purchase a brand new luxury van (A Sherrod Van was discussed as the best option) and have it customized for the needs of the business. A full bed in the back, complete privacy, shielding the driver from the occupants along with 100% comfort and convenience. Digital TV, DVD/CD, plush linens, refrigerator, complete music system, (including a selection of DVDS and CD's) Complimentary items would be available, such as chilled champagne, fruits, snacks, candies, etc. Lovers would be picked up at a predetermined location and whisked away for their interlude. They could be driven anywhere they choose, or just relax and go on a ride to nowhere. Back end sales would include T-Shirts (I Made It In The Love Machine!), key chains, condoms,etc.
Customer Base: Married couples who are looking to spice things up a little, single couples with no place to go, a unique Valentine or wedding anniversary present.
Why It Came Close To Becoming Reality: It was quirky enough to work. Most of the bugs had been figured out. Radio and print advertising would be fun and memorable.
Why It Didn’t Happen: 3 big reasons I wasn’t willing to deal with.
1.) Start up costs were available, but for the business to grow, it would need more capital. Trying to find an investor for this type of business might be difficult. Even investors interested in the idea have to deal with their morals and this business idea had a small bit of sleaze attached to it. I didn’t want to be attached to sleaze.
2.) Liability. Imagine going over a large bump or hitting a pothole while 2 people are in the throes of passion.
3.) Health Issues: I was told I’d run into issues with the state department of health because there were no sanitary facilities available for use by the customers. I considered this a non issue because I would be selling the service as a limousine service and not a motel.
No Alcohol? No Problem!
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Thayers Alcohol-Free Toner, Lavender, Witch Hazel, 12-Ounces (Pack of 3)
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"Bartender, I'll have a tomato juice!"
IDEA 2: The No Alcohol Comedy Club: Several years ago I performed in a comedy show for recovering alcoholics. It was held in a nightclub where alcohol-free drinks were served. It was highly successful. I thought there must be a quite large group of people who do not drink for one reason or another and might feel out of place inside a club where alcohol was served on a regular basis.
Startup Costs: Dependent on whether the property was rented or purchased.
The Plan: Open a night club without alcohol, promote it heavily and wait for the money to pour in I have years and years in the stand up comedy business, but I would have to hire a restaurant manager. Drinks could be alcohol-free specialty drinks. Virgin Coladas. NA Beer, etc.
Why It Came Close To Becoming Reality: There was nothing like it in our state or anywhere in our section of the U.S.
Why It Didn’t Happen: There was nothing like it in our state or anywhere in our section of the U.S. There HAD to be a reason why.
My wife and I researched this business like crazy. We even found what we believed would be the perfect location and discussed leasing options with the landlord. We decided against it for the following reasons.
1.) Overhead: We had to pay for the rent, the utilities, the comedians, wait staff, etc. The markup on potato skins and fruit drinks wasn’t going to cover it. The markup on alcohol is huge.
2.) Stigma: I didn’t want my customers to feel funny walking into a non-alcoholic environment, whether they drank, or not.
3.) The more you drink, the funnier I am. Comedy clubs and alcohol go together like peanut butter and jelly.
So, please feel free to take these ideas, adjust them, tweak them, have fun with them and make yourself a zillion dollars. (Just don’t let me know about it, or I’ll get pissed.) In the meantime, I'll keep thinking...
Good luck.
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Comments
Joe, a smart guy like you thinkin' for a moment no alcohol at a comedy club is a workable idea. What were you smokin'?
Now the looooove machine, that might be somethang. Too bad the American automakers don't come up with ideas like that.
Dunno about the business ideas, but I love the van. :)
My thought is the non-alcoholic comedy club might work in certain communities, but that sounds difficult. However, starting your own comedy club is something you might be sucessful at, you are pretty humorous person.
Hi rockinnjoe - is that the actual van by the river??? the van idea sounds interesting but I guess you would have had to put a lot of thought into the actual building of it what with loading issues, bumper springs, possible auditory problems, but you certainly had the luxury items addressed - good one...cheers
I am with Sweetiepie, starting your very own comedy club sounds like something that is in perfect alignment with your humorous and creative nature.
Have you considered doing "Meetups"? My sister is an entrepreneur and has several meetups where members signup for several functions, and she has to provide the space for the meetings, and charges per person. It can be about anything, business, dance, comedy, what have you. She has not had her first meetup yet, as she waited to have at least 100 members sign up; now she has the numbers, and ready to her first function. Lot's of people make good money with this "club" format, and its available all over the USA.
The cons of the business plans do sound heavy when you get to think about it and weigh everything in. You did say that the van is a "traveling motel room" and there's really got to be sanitary issues to be addressed although I believe there's market for that!
How about a nonalcoholic love machine or stand up comedy in the bedroom?
Oh wait....that's my real life!
I'd like to be in the van and enjoy the ride. : )
The non-alcoholic comedy club might work in an amish community, You'll just need to grow a beard & change your name to Rockin' Jebadiah.
Hi countrywomen. Thanks for picking up on the van connection. I suppose if I bought one that nice, we'd have no choice but to live in it. That's my next goal, though, to buy one that nice. Thanks for commenting.
Thanks, goldentoad. I know, I must have been high to come up with an idea like that. But you did just give me a great idea for a comedy club. Amsterdam, here I come!
Hi aka-dj. The van is a beauty, isn't she? I'm saving up my pennies.
Thanks, SweetiePie. As much as I'd love to own one, there are 2 in my state now and I don't believe a third could be supported. Besides, I'd be shooting myself in the foot in this economy. Thanks for the comment:)
Thanks ajcor. I never thought about auditory problems. I suppose I'd have to sound-proof the back, as well:)
Hi VioletSun. Thanks for stopping by. I actually did stop by that site when it forst began, but there wasn't much available. I will definitely look into it. Maybe not for comedy, but a couple of other ideas I've had. Thanks for the suggestion.
Thanks, Cris A. Sanitary issues would be a big obstacle. I don't really think I'd want to clean it out afterwards, either. Yuck!
Hi Pam! Thanks for stopping by. That's kinda like my situation. I don't tell any jokes in the bedroom, but she won't stop laughing, anyway!
Thanks for the comment, Sheena. If I ever do start it, I'll definitely get ahold of you. I'm going to need a first customer:)
Thanks, Wednesday Morning. An Amish comedy club is a great idea. The only problem is, I'll have to get 100 people to help me "raise the club" and I'll go broke buying candles. I appreciate the comment.
THanks, Joe. I get more out of your money making hubs than I do from 90% of the other ones I read (Hal's excepted). Mostly I get a good chuckle and get back to work refreshed and refocused. THanks!
Thanks, Bruce. I always appreciate your comments. There's a big difference between Hal and I. He's a genius and I'm just another incurable ADD case.
Joe, I didn't hear from you for months and months, now you're publishing like stink. It's all part of your evil plan for world domination, isn't it? I now have neglected writing my hubs so that I can read yours, I don't have time to write anymore.
I'm sorry, but I had to laugh at the Love Machine business model...the part about going over bumps and potholes...were you going to sell insurance too, or was it part of the package? I think it would make a great movie, you should write the screenplay. Don't let this comedically brilliant idea go to waste.
Shirley, you're a genius. I tell you what, You write the screenplay (as I'm so undisiplined) and I'll get it to the Farrelly brothers who just happen to come from my state. It'll be another "Something About Mary " or "Me,Myself and Irene" We'll be mega rich.
It's funny you bring up the bumps and potholes. When I mentioned that possibility to my wife-in a very serious tone....she laughed her ass off. Can you imagine the lawsuits I'd face from customers who accidentally lost a body part?
As far as writing a lot. I actually haven't been doing all that much. I used to have more hubs, but I decided they were of low quality, so I removed 7 or 8 of them.
Now go write something. I need a Shirley fix:)
Going, writing, but who are the Farrlley Brothers?
I really enjoy your hubs Rockinjoe, you're a funny guy. lol
The Farrellys are the brothers who come from Rhode Island and are responsible for writing and producing such movies as "Something About Mary", "Me, Myself and Irene", "Dumb and Dumber" and a bunch more. Of course, they'll probably see this hub and get to the idea first :(
(Damnit! I spelled "undisciplined wrong", above and I can't fix it now!)
Thanks for the comment, Jery!
van tastic!!! you might have got alot request for a bumpy ride!!! you could have had a menu of journey plans ....my geuss is 'the rocky road' would have been quite popular!!!
funny funny man you are...I think it would've worked with those super duper big chrome Shock Absorbers...
Actually when living in Calif. by the bay and having a boat we came up with what we thought would be a great Idea...So many times being out there fishing and the fishing was so good we just couldn't stop...but the beer was gone and so was the food...We love to cook and so believed we could start a Food Float Boat....Just call us and order and we would deliver...Hot Cold or otherwise. You know like a "maget wagon" heck we thought about delivering bait...but alas we didn't have the money or a boat big enough and we actually wanted someone to service us More...We were busy FISHING...
everyone used cb's back then too...I was known as "Mov'n Momma".. ...hummm wonder what we were smoking then????geeeeez... anyhow so be it...Love ya G-Ma :o) Hugs & Peace
Thanks, cflynn. I appreciate your comment.
Hey G-Ma. I love the food float! What a great idea. I bet someone's gonna see this and use your idea:)
I wish i cou;d think of an amazing products or service that'd make me rich!!!
You got the portable motel; let's have a portable stand-up comedy van but it has to be..........down by the river LOL...keep em coming bro'.
"that is gold Jerry, just gold!!
This was entertaining, I'm sorry your not rich but thanks for the article.
Hi J_Eds. Thanks for the comment. Don't give up the ship. Keep thinking positively and you'll stumble onto something.
Hi ocbill. lol, can you imagine a one man comedy van? That would be a great Saturday Night Live skit. Thanks for the Banya mention. Let's meet up and I'll take you to Mendes for a meal.
Thank you for commenting, foxility. I appreciate it. And don't be sorry, I'm not rich, yet, but I'm too determined not to get there. :)
Joe, I love your idea about the love machine. Since I already rent motorhomes, I have most of what I need in place. You may well have opened up a whole new market for me. Thanks!
Thanks, Jack, Motorhomes would probably work well with that idea. Toilets and sinks in a regular van are tough to come by. I had given campers a quick thought, but dismissed them because they look like something your grandfathermight drive. I chose vans because there's something so retro about it.
Let me know of your success!
That Love Machine van going over pot holes and bumps in the road just brings to mind the words "the earth moved for me ,how about you?"
My half Sister and I discussed the possibility of opening a Brothel in the UK once, (many years ago). We had all sorts of ideas about the girls being checked regularly for diseases and our being able to offer luxury rooms etc. Of course we would have been the "Madame's" not the participants, but the idea was to keep sex off the streets and in a safe environment where the girls were certified as disease free on a regular basis. It was a great idea in theory, but not one either of us would seriously have followed through on.
lol, Cindy, I just don't want the earth moving and find myself losing an appendage, or requiring extensive dental work.
Are brothels legal in the UK? If I'm correct, there's a city in Nevada, US that has legal brothels.....
I guess they must be able to find loopholes as they do exist, but not sure they are exactly legal.
We have legally certified brothels in Victoria Australia with health cerification and good controls. I have no opinion as to it's appropriateness, but it does seem like a good thing for working girls.
I don't see whay it can't be a licensed and regulated business. Maybe I'll start my own and call it. "Joe's Ho's"
I saw a guy who had turned a single person sofa into a multi gym.... perculiour...
My idea kitchen tool is something that makes drinks/ice/food very cold almost instantly... without having to dip it into Liquid nitrogen haha
Nice ideas! I personally would rent the Love Machine!
As for my own ideas none have ever been good at all. Most are stuff that the client base would be me and maybe one or two of my friends.
Hi J_Eds. Sounds like a great idea. Kitchen items are very popular. Good luck!
Hi Eric. Thanks. Unfortunately, they never made it out of the planning stages. Keep coming up with (and refining) your ideas. You never know when an excellent idea will strike, Good luck.
I just read your Van Idea, I don't understand the bathroom thing, limos don't have bathrooms and people do it in limos all the time, just rent the van and driver and leave it up to the customers to do what they want while you're driving around. hey in NYC people do it in a yellow cab with windows. If you feel strongly about the Idea just do it and deal with the challanges as they come. There's always a way to figure out the challanges solve them and move forward if you have the committment to make your idea a success.
Thanks, spa specialist. I appreciate the comment. The problem comes in selling the service as a motel on wheels. If I had sold it as a limo service, I think I would have been ok, but it would have attracted the city officials in my area. It's not totally out of the question, but I think I'm going to stick to the web to make my fortune.
ok so my idea is a bar in a limo with tables and chairs and a bar tender also tvs and all of the normal stuff youd see in a bar and it would make stops to pick people up and drop them off.also i love the boat idea.
countrywomen says:
11 months ago
WOW!! You do have some "bright" ideas. Hope one of these days you do make it rich but till then you can keep entertaining us with these wonderful hubs...hehe
P.S: Is that "Van" idea now a secondary home for you guys as you say you are from "I live in a van down by the river...."..LOL