Suddenly, through birthing a daughter, a woman finds herself face to face not only with an infant, a little girl, a woman-to-be, but also with her own unresolved conflicts from the past and her hopes and dreams for the future-Elizabeth Debold and Idelisse Malave

How she happened is not an easy part of this very personal story to tell. No, she was not an unwanted baby. She was a child i wanted to have for a later time, and not when i was just completing school and still in my teens. But who can dictate, what i now know, without a doubt, was to be our destiny. It is sheer folly to blame anybody, not even the young man who walked into the halls of our school with that cocky stride, dressed like one of the pop group 'Beetles'. He had just been 'expelled' from school for supposed mischief, and as an act of benevolence, had been accepted by the school where i went. It was during my physics class i heard my teacher utter under his breath "Ooh, here comes trouble", referring to this new guy. 'Warning' words that i somehow missed, which was strange for a girl who thought she had the world all figured out. No, he was not a bad boy, in fact, he was impressively intelligent for his age. Thanks to silly teen love and over active hormones, i succumbed. Next thing i knew, i found myself married, and eventually, pregnant. And as to be 'expected', ours was one real shaky union. And why not? We were two spoiled kids completely clueless about a lot of things and just life itself. Within two years it was over. Except, there was our beautiful baby girl. She was an undeserved gift of life, the one 'tiny light' that would see me through the nightmare i created, and who kept me sane.

The ugly divorce couldn't be helped.I didn't have a way of weighing it's full implication on my daughter's well being. She was just a baby, and i had to pick up the pieces, not knowing where to even begin. I found us alone, to face a daunting world, unkind, judgemental and indifferent.

Any astronomer can predict with absolute accuracy just where every star in the universe will be at 11.30 tonight. He can make no such prediction about his teenage daughter. ~James T. Adams

Raising a child as a single mom, brought about many challenges to say the least. Mine was a precocious and strong-willed girl. To keep her busy and out of mischief, i had to enroll her in every class, from dance, art, singing, name it. Despite my lack of training, i was fortunate to find jobs, much of the time, and did well as a model which supported the lifestyle i wanted. My hard work paid off, and eventually i was running my own company. I loved my new freedom and felt empowered as a woman. I could pay my own way in life, choose where to go, where to be and with whom. I gained respect in a world that tried to stigmatize a divorcee like me, and culturally believed it was natural to bring me down. As work became more demanding, and my social life went into full gear, i had to depend more on a nanny to care for Anna. I know it was tough for my little girl, who was growing, wondering about her identity, and wanting so much to belong. I knew, she craved for a father she had yet to come to know. I tried to fill two roles, of mom and dad. I knew i had to keep a good balance, of being the breadwinner and giving quality time to make my daughter happy. Weekends were designed just for our quality time together, so i would take her to the beach where she could be the 'Lil Mermaid' she loved to be. But there are voids that cannot be filled humanly.

I had a glimpse of one day 'losing' her to someone, when she was ten, when she introduced a little boy from school as her 'boyfriend'. It was of course much too innocent, and a laugh. Then, when she became a teen, she was infatuated with Donny Osmond, which was followed by other 'harmless' celebrity heartthrobs. She would blossom into a beauty, which of course brought out my 'bulldog' guard personality. I did well to parry off her many suitors, but we all know how that plays out.  When she thought she had found her 'prince'. it was impossible to convince her otherwise. The times she strayed, i would assert my authority to put her in line. Despite our many battle royale, win or lose, i made sure she knew she was loved and valued despite. It was such a relief to see her graduate, have her debut, and finally go off to college and finally join her dad who was living in New York. It was our first real separation and my heart ached. But, my little girl was all grown, and I knew it was time for her to fly.

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla. ~Jim Bishop

When she finally came back home, and we were finally reunited, i hardly recognized her. She was not just older, she was more sophisticated and obviously had embraced the ways of the world. It was hard not to be impressed with the marked intelligence and confidence she exuded. I missed my 'baby', but i couldn't help but be proud. 

Every mother wishes that her daughter be spared from every kind of heartache . But life never gives us any guarantees. I had to go through my own personal purging, a spiritual conversion, to have a new beginning. I tried to undo many of my mistakes, those that especially hurt my precious child. I had to make peace with the man, who would always connect us, by extending friendship, which, thankfully, has been good for everyone. My child grew, not from a perfect 'soil', but from a healthy rich ground, mixed with all kinds of experiences, from pain to joy, defeat and triumph. She went through many pitfalls, some real bad ones, but always, by the grace of God, managed to get back up on her feet, stronger than ever.

Daughter, wife, mother, friend, a woman of great faith who walks the talk, she is incredibly compassionate. Her heart is specially big for the friendless, fatherless, and homeless. 

Someone said, A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend. and this cannot be any more truer for both mother and daughter!  What a gem i have!

 Daughter To Mother

We're daughter and mother 
Not so long ago. 
We give and take 
And take and give 
Along time's endless row. 
Love is passed 
And love received 
To be passed on again: 
A precious heirloom 
Twice, twice blessed, 
A spiritual cardigan. 

I'll put it on 
And treasure it, 
The me I have received, 
And when the roles 
Reverse again, 
I'll have what I most need. 

So may our love 
Go on and on, 
A hundred thousand years; 
Mothers and daughters, 
Daughters and mothers, 
Through joys and other tears.
- Anonymous