As I sit here at my computer desk,there is a tremendous pain stabbing through my right side. I am familiar with this pain; once I believed to be severe gall stones, now I know it was something much worse.
 I began having problems around the start of 2000. This is the same time I met my ex fiance; the man who introduced me to the world of heavy, illegal narcotics. I am talking about GHB, heroin, crack, ecstasy, pills, steroids, and drugs that are popular amongst body builders. Soon after my party life began, I started to get these stabbing/ twisting pains in my side. Each time, I would break down to tears and beg God to help me. I would try to apply pressure to the area with my fists and at first, I thought it was helping. Every day, my body felt this way, but I was high, so I did not care. I eventually  figured out that inducing vomiting  would relieve some of the pain. I would follow the purging with enough GHB to knock a horse out; usually when I woke, I would feel better. I didn't have medical insurance, so I continued to live in pain.
 My gall bladder was removed in the fall of 2008; September to be in fact. The surgery required four small incisions on my stomach and a very painful recovery. At least I was able to leave the hospital an hour after the procedure was finished. My mother was right by my side, at the hospital and at home post-op. As soon as I got home, I hit the leather sofa and started vomiting. My husband brought in a bucket and gave me a pain pill. I started to throw up even worse and honestly, I felt like I was dying! The doctor instructed me to rest for about a week to two, with no lifting. Well, I had about one day in, when I had to start moving and taking care of my toddler. Let me tell you, Cadence just turned three and she weighs 64 lbs.! Of course, I had to hold her and love on her because she is my best friend. Two days post-op, I noticed a golfball sized clot hardening right in the upper, middle part of my belly. My husband took me through an urgent care and two emergency room visits over the next week, before the clot went away. I slowly recovered and went on with my daily routine. For a while after, I thought the problem was gone.
 I started seeing a family doctor back in February of 2008 for arthritis in my knees. Every visit resulted in excellent vitals and, other than my knees, I was in pretty good shape. It wasn't until November, that I had my annual lab work done. My next November appointment came a couple weeks later. I love my doctor; he is an excellent man. When I sat down to discuss the results of my blood work, I never expected to hear bad news. My doctor looked at me and explained the chart in simple terms; two numbers stood out. My liver enzymes were triple the normal amount. I started to worry and asked what that meant. The good doc spoke with an endless echo," You have Hepatitis C. I am 100% sure. We took more blood to compare the results and it was the same."  I left his office that day thinking only of my husband and two children; these are my best friends!
 I immediately went and told my mother and step-dad, followed by a stop at my father's house. They were supportive and understandably upset. My sister, Nikki, broke down, showing me just how much I really meant to her. It broke my heart, knowing I caused my awesome sister that amount of grief. My husband has not hardly shown any compassion for my situation; I think he does not fully understand the disease. I had a lot of thinking to do and that is exactly what I did! I decided to tell my other family members, because it is my duty to be forthcoming and honest about a serious, infectous, deadly disease. I own this disease; I refuse to let it own me! Most people are uneducated or unaware that Hepatitis C is not to far off from AIDS. Of course, Hepatitis C, has only been proven to come only from contact with the blood of a carrier. Most people think they can get infected by sweat, saliva, or even having sex; it is okay to hug, kiss and cuddle that loved one!
 The past few weeks has been a circus of doctor visits, specialists, making appointments. I am now getting an appointment made so I can get a liver biopsy done. These doctors don't seem to be in a rush, but I hope they could pick up the pace! I have been experiencing such excruciating pain and I feel helpless! I explained to my husband how odd it would be, to find out that I shouldn't have gotten my gall bladder removed. I really never want to know the answer to that because that sure was a harsh experience!
 Sitting here tonight, I have already made myself throw up to ease some of the crushing feeling inside. I placed my husband's hand on my tummy, and a bowling ball was where my liver should have been! It scares me to think I am going to feel pain when I die; I am afraid of this disease taking my life. I fear that I will never see my kids' graduate; see my husband's wrinkled butt. Most of all, I am afraid of dying. I keep looking at this story and I think, wow; this is my life. Hepatitis C has taken something from me, but I have learned a great deal of who I am during this ordeal. I want to let people know that death, when it is looking at you with your number in hand, can be scary, but anyone can fight it!