My Husband Quilt or How A Mess Can Become An Heirloom
72After my husband died I had to deal with a lot of issues. If you've suffered the death of a loved one then you know how overwhelming it can get. One of the things someone told me to do was to go through his clothes as quickly as I could and "get them out of the house. You'll feel better not looking at them."
I was shocked. How could I do that now? Why? They smelled like him. His socks, his underwear? Who but me would even want to touch them? And his jeans. Oh my, the man had jeans and they were so beautifully worn out. How could I get rid of his blue jeans when almost every picture I have of him he's in his jeans? I'd know those jeans anywhere, in any pile, no matter how large.
I had so many things of his that I didn't know what to do with; patches he'd saved from the Marine Corps, pins, those little flowers you get on Memorial Day, trim from our wedding (I made my clothes for it). I had just finished a crazy quilt to get rid of a bunch of scrap fabric when my daughter said, "Mom, make a quilt out of his jeans."
And so I've started. And it is a mess but it is the most soothing quilt I've ever not planned. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It is more a stream of consciousness. I'm having a hard time cutting his jeans because I'm using the pockets, front and back, for the - let's call them squares but they aren't. Some I can save the zipper or the buttons. The man liked button fly jeans and those are the most worn out. Some I have to cut just "this side" of the zipper and toss it out completely. The back pockets are the easiest to cut. The legs I'm saving for filler squares, squares to balance a row, the patchwork backing, and hopefully the binding although I'm glad I didn't throw away his underwear because I can use that to supplement if I run low.
Around the "squares" I'm sewing scrap fabric and fat quarters I've bought to even out the weird cutting I have to do to get the parts of his jeans I want. I'm patching holes, or not, as the sentiment tells me and I'm sewing all the loose things I've collected onto the denim that I don't have a place for, but desperately want to see. I'm adding embroidered quotes along with our names and our wedding date. The square where I will embroidery the date of his death will have a quote from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. "And when he shall die, take him and cut him out into little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun." I found that I had saved a string of tiny copper stars and I've already sewn those on the black satin square that will hold the date of his death. The photo for this is below though I have not started embroidering the quote.
I'm planning on cutting my binding fabric into 2 1//2 inch wide strips and sew them together to make a denim (and underwear) stripped binding. The different washings that the jeans have been through have given them different fades so it should be a soft spectrum of blues.
I've only been working on this for two weeks in and around my writing and my other sewing contracts but I've taken photos of what I have so far to show what can be done with a mess that isn't following any pattern or plan. It looks haphazard right now but my vision is for a balanced, straight-edged, evenly binded keepsake; an heirloom with things that belonged to my husband, to myselff, and to us together. The quilt isn't meant to be a museum piece. It is a quilt of scattered thoughts, representing what I feel during this time after his death. My thoughts are so scattered most of the time and yet so completely focused on him and what it means, feels like, and will always be for me to be without his presence. I'm breaking every rule in quilting and yet I feel good about what I'm doing with this quilt. Though it doesn't look like much now, I have a loose plan in my heart, not my head. This quilt will take all my skill since I am not cutting to any pattern. When the top is finished and the batting in between the top and backing, the quilting stitches I plan on taking will be just as creatively unplanned, but again, I just have it in my heart how I want this, no, how I need this quilt to feel. And isn't that the purpose of a quilt? To feel good? To wrap around you for comfort when, if not the weather, then deep inside you, you feel cold, and alone, and deep in sorrow.
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Comments
A beautiful quilt, and a wonderful keep-sake.
This hub made me cry - for you, for your loss, and for letting your heart design this quilt from your husband's jeans. As long as you have it, he will never be truly "gone". What a wonderful way to wrap his love around you.
What a wonderful way to remember your husband and your life together. You brought tears to my eyes.
This does seem like a wonderful thing to do. I recall when my father died, my mother (his wife of 49 years) got everything out of the house within weeks. She was devastated by his loss but I think she just needed to focus on the task of doing such things. For me, I dont' think I couldn't fathom being able to part with all of the memories. Your choice to make a quilt may be the perfect middle ground. To focus on a task and yet preserve the memories as well. Thank you for sharing this!
Wow that's so wonderful! You are awesome & you have richly blessed me today. May God bless you with Love, peace, prosperity & joy all of your days! :)
I'm so glad you didn't decide to throw those things out. What a fantastic keepsake. Remarkable. Beautiful hub. Heartfelt, obviously, but I know this is going to touch and inspire many. Thank you so much for sharing.
This is a beautiful and touching piece. Thank you so much for sharing. Every one reacts in their own way to the loss of a loved one. I think it is wonderful that you have not only found a wonderful use for the things that he loved, but also that you are incorporating them into something so creative and beautiful to help you in your healing process. I am deeply sorry for your loss.
thank you all for you kind words and thoughts. i work on it every morning first thing for about an hour, before i start my day. it helps me actually get started. a purpose. i also work on it last thing at night for the comfort it brings me before i have to turn out the lights and go to bed alone. before it gets cold, i will have my husband quilt.
i am contracted at this moment to create 4 other husband quilts from some of the widows in my widow's group which has brought in some much needed money and a strong sense of purpose for other women in my position.
thanks again for all your kind comments and support.
Thanks for sharing. This a beautiful quilt. I've heard about companies that people send the clothing to for them to make a quilt. There's also a company that makes teddy bears from old clothing. I think it makes it that much more special when you make it yourself.
Hi womanNshadows, oooh my heart is full and aching after reading your hub, most esp. when I saw the photos of the quilt you made. And my eyes are getting teary eyed. I just want to run to you and give you a big warm hug and wipe the tears from your eyes and watch you smile at your work. I hope you accept the hug (even if you don't know me)...I send it now with all my love and light. Thank you for this inspiring and very heartwarming hub. The wonderful memories is what keeps our loved ones most alive in our hearts.
I would like to congratulate you! This hub is a hubnugget nominee! Yes, it is! Just in case you didn't know about it yet, do visit Patty's hub and find out what it is all about. Click this link please: http://hubpages.com/hub/Gourmet-HubNuggets
Be sure to vote okay? And ask your friends (even non hubbers) to vote too! Take care and it is wonderful to connect with you here on Hubpages.
thank you, ripplemaker, for you kind thoughts and words. i found out about the hubnugget a couple of days ago. i feel honored to be on the list with other more impressive writers.
Beautiful hub, I went from goosebumps to teary eyed to goosebumps again. What a wonderful memory of the man you love! May it continue to soothe you for years to come.
I hope you'll update with more photos as you progress & when you finish - this is a truly inspiring hub. I am sorry for your loss but think you've provided a wonderful service for others dealing with grief in sharing you own coping. Lovely hub!
thank you, dineane. i will update with more photos. sharing my grief through this venue and getting feedback has helped me a great deal through my darker moments. in working on his/my quilt, i find solace.
i hope you are right in that writing about my feelings for my husband has helped others, much as Mark Twain's and C.S. Lewis's writings on their grief helped me.
What a wonderful piece of beautiful work you are creating. It's filled with love and memories and that is something unique that can never be replaced. This will be the most cherishes heirloom for generations to come. I'm sure it will also be a comfort to you. I'm sat here with tears in my eyes and smiling at your courage.
This is the best hub I have read for some time. Absolutely bloody beautiful: and the Shakespeare quote is perfect. All the best with this loving, and lovely, project. Teresa.
What a beautiful idea. I hope your quilt wraps you in the warmth of all the love you shared together for many years to come.
Yes indeed you have an heirloom that has a meaning that no other one has---love it.
Debnet, thank you. it is a comfort to me already in simply creating. to let people know via my hub that he lived and was cherished has been comforting to me. thank you for reading it, liking it, and leaving such a lovely comment.
Teresa, thank you. i like your writing very much and feel humbly, quietly happy by your gracious comments.
Amanda, it was my daughter's idea since i have been having such a hard time letting go. i can't. so to be able to sew this quilt, and to sew them for the other widow's in my group, has been a Godsend.
and Ginn Navarre, your comment popped in for approval just as i sent my reply comments to Debnet, Teresa, and Amanda. it will be an heirloom. my daughter has already claimed the quilt for herself and i have set aside other shirts and jeans and his cotton handkerchiefs for a quilt for my son. he lives on.
thank you for writing to me. i love your stories, and your profile. i also know what it is like to make do with less. while it takes from you, it also gives. there is balance in everything. and my husband and i would have loved sitting at your table and eating your gumbo. thank you again.
First of all, my sincerest condolences. What a beautiful way to honor your husband's memory and keep him close to you. Yes, this brought tears to my eyes also. How wonderful that you are able to use your craft and fashion a lasting piece of artful remembrance not only for you, but you will be doing so for other women as well. God bless you. Please do keep us posted on your progress and good luck with the voting process as a HubNugget nominee.
thank you, Dink96
Your hub made me cry... at your loss and the beautiful way you tried to ensure that your husband's memories lives on. This is the best tribute for your husband, with the assurance that you will be always be wrapped in his love... truely overwhelming!
I echo what many say here. Awesome Hub, and I'm happy to see such a great piece of art come out of your sorrows. Your husband lives on through your memories and your quilt. =)
"It is more a stream of consciousness."
Perfect wording...
G|M
thank you all for your kind comments of support. there are times that working on it brings comfort and times when i have to set it aside because my grief is so raw. but it is my swan song to our story here in this life. that's not to say we won't be together again. just in this existence as i know it.
i am hoping to soon have the top ready to photograph to show in another hub. i will write of my husband quilt again.
You definately deserve the hubnugget with this tribute to your husband.
I love what you have made in memory of your husband. It reminds me of what my mom made me when I moved from Indiana to over here in San Francisco, CA. She took all of my old basketball and other 'memory' t-shirts and made them into an amazing blanket that I use practically every day. Just looking at it takes me back to the times when I received each one of the shirts and of course it always makes me think of my mom. Thanks for the great Hub and congrats on the HubNugget nomination!
thank you for your kind comments. and i'm glad you have your own version of a memory quilt. it will be something you will cherish over the years.
That quilt is one of the most beautiful, heartfelt testaments to love I have ever seen. My heart aches for your loss. Thank heavens you have the wonderful clothes he enjoyed wearing so much to create something so beautiful, personal and symbolic. The quilt is truly a tribute to both of you and I hope it brings you great comfort!
Hi, very touching story about your love...
What a wonderful idea, and a fantastic way for you to channel your sorrow. This quilt is amazing and will become a cherished heirloom for certain.
I am sorry for your loss, but thrilled you were able to experience what was obviously an amazing love story in your life.
Thank you. Beautiful.
Wow, this is a wonderful Hub. I did a similar thing when my father passed away. My mom gave me his plad shirts. They all had pockets too because he was a smoker and had to have that pocket. I made lap quilts for my siblings and one for my mom, and of course for me. I also made some for my grandson's. I agree, that it is a soothing quilt. My mom loved hers and it was always on her bed. Now, my mom has passed away, and I have some of her clothing. It's been a bit harder for me to begin making quilts from her clothes, but I am getting there. I love the old duster, house robes she wore and they will make great quilt blocks. She also loved sweatshirts and I am trying to incorporate them into my quilts too. When I'm not typing on the computer, I can sometimes be found sewing those quilt pieces together. I'm kind of slow, but I know my sisters will especially be glad when I get them done. Thanks again for the great Hub and for sharing your story.
thank you. the quilt is further along now and it has become a small business for me. you can read about it on my latest hub - Memory Quilts - Tangible Solace During Grief
I Love it!! This is so precious and I am sure it will bring you comfort. I still have items (jackets, shirts, etc) that belonged to by brother and sister because I couldnt part with them I even have my brothers Jack Daniels Beach Towel. I have quilted since I was a child and never thought of this, thanks.
dori
you're welcome. since you've saved things, you can make your own quilt. i've written a newer hub that has photos of some memory quilts i've done and started....Memory Quilts - Tangible Solace During Grief.
you're welcome. since you've saved things, you can make your own quilt. i've written a newer hub that has photos of some memory quilts i've done and started....Memory Quilts - Tangible Solace During Grief.
I had to come and read this after I read your hub on Memory Quilts...:)
Jerilee Wei says:
7 months ago
What a lovely sentiment and tribute to someone you love. I can picture you wrapping yourself in the love of that quilt and that man all at the same time treasuring your memories of him.