I am a big fan of satire and sarcasm. Although you can't tell it from my profile here or even the hubs themselves I do have a couple of readers out there.  Sometimes they are too shy to speak for themselves so others must speak for them.

In addition, I am a fan of comic books.  Marvel comics used to have these slightly hokey letters pages back when Stan Lee was still running things. So, as a salute to the people who wouldn't dare have their actual names associated with my weird writings AND to the so-called "Golden Age" of comic book letters pages I give you the following silly selection. (My love for comics is another reason why Peter David is my favorite author. But I digress. . .) 

MY MIGHTY MANLY "MALE"-BAG!

Welcome True Believers!

Here are the most recent marvel-ous missives from my own Soapbox!

JoAnne Flora of Cucamonga, CA writes:

“You should do a rant about people controlling their kids at the Laundromat.”

Okay, JoAnne. (May I call you “Jo-Jo”?) Since I recently ranted about obnoxious urchins spoiling my dinner (see “Spare The Rod, Spoil The Meal”) I don’t want to be too repetitious. Hopefully, a future piece on Laundromat etiquette in general will give you some satisfaction.

Here is another one:

Nan Ette of La Verne, CA writes:

Please stop attributing fake fan mail to me or I will bring the wrath of Saint Joan down upon you! You still owe me money, too.”

Sorry, Nan. I know I owe you money. The check is in the mail and I promise not to c--, well, never mind.

I guess I forgot: WWJD. “What would Joan do?” Please be patient and remember, according to the Gospel of Saint Joan: “It’s okay for a man to be a jackass sometimes . . . just not all the time.”

Another one:

Stan Dupp and Ben Dover of West Hollywood, Ca write:

Www.todaysrecipepro.com is a fabulous site! We don’t always enjoy your column though . . . a bit too butch for us sometimes.

Sorry, guys. I know my rants are not always everyone’s cup of tea . . .or Crisco as the case might be. Then again, I have a few supporters in the gay community. A couple of Irish boys come to mind: Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.

Here is yet another one:

Dee Niece of Dagoodpardafontana, CA writes:

I have to confess: I really think this guy who used to run the convenience store near work is cute. I hear he has a nice package, too. The problem is I am 6 foot tall and he is only 5’ 9”. Even if I did summon up enough courage to ask him out what would I do about the difference in height?

No problem, Dee. Remember, when you are “macking” with him in the car you will both be the same height in the backseat! Tell him to stand on the step above you when you kiss him good night. Better yet, avoid the whole problem by inviting him in for the evening. After all, you will both be the same height on the couch! Finally, I suggest dressing up like Wonder Woman and inviting him over for your own private Halloween party. I hear some guys like that kind of thing.

Keep those e-cards and letter coming, folks or I’ll have to write them all myself!

Excelsior!

My apologies to new readers. As always. . .

My name is Phoenix and . . .that’s the bottom line.