I want to get pregnant!

When I was in my teens, I have always wondered how it would feel like being pregnant, how my first child would look like, or how I would feel when I get to hug my own baby for the first time.

Right now, I have a job, I have a great husband that I really adore and love and who feels the same way for me. We have been married for over a year now, and we are both ready to start a family of our own.

I have been feeling mixed emotions the past few months, already desiring to have a baby of my own. I feel excited, desperate, depressed, jealous, and excited again.

I have been surfing the internet for names, thinking that if my first baby would be a boy, we would call him "David," or if the baby would be a girl, we'd call her "China Rain." I would go the Infants' Department at the Mall, and enjoy the smell of babies. I would even invite my sisters' toddlers to come over at our house every Saturday so I could spend time with them, playing and laughing with them.

My heart would ache everytime I see a baby or a pregnant woman. I hold back my tears whenever I get to see a mother and a toddler just enjoying each other's company. Sometimes, if I could not help it anymore, I'd reach out for the babies at our church and just make funny noises and faces to them until I hear them giggle.

I love the smell of diapers. And I love being exhausted of taking care of my nieces and nephew. I love putting them to sleep. I love teaching songs to my four-year-old nephew. I love soothing them when they cry.

My husband and I have been trying but to no avail. I know I need a lot of patience and I know having a baby won't be an easy road. But I'm ready. I'm ready to face the "eternal" challenge.

Everyday, I pray for God to give me patience and to help me wait for His time. I know that in His time, He would give me the gift that I've always desired for a long time, my very own "David" or "China Rain."