It's been three years since I got the phone call... I remember like it was yesterday. I was planning for my daugher's birthday party the next day. The funny thing was I wasn't even going to give her another party because she had already had a big party for her first and second birthday. My father talked me into it because he loved coming to see her open her presents. When I walked in the house I didn't even notice the light flashing on my answering machine. I began planning in my mind all the details and loose ends I had to tie up. Then the phone rang and interrupted my thoughts. It was my brother. I still had the party on my mind and didn't even let him talk before I went into how great the party was going to be and all the great party items I had just picked up. My husband began to put the toys up so my daughter wouldn't see her gifts before we wrapped them. My daughter was in her room happily playing... I could hear her laughing to herself. She didn't have a care in the world and neither did I. Life was good. I was happy. After I had run my mouth a good five minutes I noticed that my brother wasn't sharing with the joy in my voice like he normally does and come to think of it he wasn't saying anything.  I stopped... what's wrong. Something is not right I instantly felt it in my stomach. Stop being so silent say something. Finally he said it's daddy. My first thought it's a heart attack and my mind was already in the car half down the street. I'm going to him! My father had suffered from hypertension forever and sometimes irresponsible w/ pills. Sometimes because he couldn't afford the medications and sometimes trying to skip days off taking them to make the last until he got another disability check. My grandfather who I never met had several heart attacks and strokes. No, it's not a heart attack my brother quickly said... it was a stroke. Ok whatever same difference I didn't care. In my mind if I could get there everything would make sense and he would be ok. He's gone... I'll never forget those words. Gone where??? That's the only thing I could muddle out. Daddy's gone out of this world he said. My knees went as light as pancakes... I slide down the wall because I felt my whole body going numb. By this time my huband came in our room and saw the look on my face and quickly grabbed the phone. I screamed! This couldn't be happening.. it didn't make sense. I had already lost my mother to cancer when I was thirteen. God you can't do this you owe me I thought. You took my mother and now this... for the first time in my life I felt completely abandoned. The security blanket that you carry around as a child that comforted you and made you feel safe was forever gone. Will I ever be the same? Jesus...