The primary school teacher: Ma’am you were my first teacher, Warm hearted, Kind, Firm and Considerate. You taught me the alphabet. You baby sat me when my transport didn’t come. You recognized me ten years after I left your class. You said “You are the good one’s younger brother aren’t you?” Music for the ears, my brother’s that is! I am sorry to have depressed you. How could I know that the pile of paper beside you were, test papers? I just wanted to fly paper planes. I was not even half way through alphabet yet! Yet you came to my home, wailed hysterically and put me in trouble. Forgive me, now I know I had erred. I shouldn’t have said” I did it!”

The Social Studies teacher (Delhi): You were sixty when we were not even thirteen. Yet you kept up with us. You were energetic for an old lady. You inculcated discipline in us. Perhaps it was influenced by your random, seek and slap method, or perhaps our fear that you would actually take a class if you were really mad. We left you to your own devices and as you slept, passed notes to each other. The value of keeping one’s end of a bargain worked out, I guess. I am sorry I stepped on your dentures. It was to retrieve your spectacles that I had knocked down, that I bent. Your hand wouldn’t keep quiet. The smack on my bottom startled me. My elbow went to your jaw. The chompers flew out! I was too engrossed in apologizing to you to notice, I was standing on one of them. You were engaged in dislodging me! Finally when you got them, anxiety to test them made you put them in your mouth. If my memory serves me right, I think I stepped on cow dung on the way to school. Sorry, eh?

The Rector: You were good sir. You brought out the fear of demons in us. I am sure you were one in your previous life. Your entry to the class was greeted by deathly silence. Your presence was pure misery. The dramatic screams during the caning sessions would have told you that. Now that was a mistake. (You were stone deaf. Audio medium was used, visual should have been used.) If it is of any help the screams were faked sir. The cane did not touch our skin. We had our backs lined with slit rubber from car tubes, under the vest. You always said that you gave us a long rope, which we did not use properly. You were right! We should have tied your dog to a city bus with that, yet we didn’t. I am sorry we didn’t. Did you ever wonder what mass mutter was about at the end of assembly? You had the habit of calling out God Bless You. Our reply was Devil Kiss you. Since you wanted confessions every week, here is one for the old time’s sake. We liked your predecessors better, they at least died and the school closed till the funeral.

Middle school Science teacher: Rev. Bro., thank you for trying to introduce the knowledge to us. We looked forward to your ‘Movie Classes’, I’m sorry they didn’t last. We still remember the only movie you screened for us. “Emergency medical care for accident victims.” I’m sorry I puked into the lap of my neighbor. He was not, for punching me on the nose. Most of us fainted. You were puzzled. What’s wrong with some blood and gore! Nothing Bro. except that we were about 11 years old. The movies that followed were dreary. I mean who would be interested in cartoons, famous five and such nonsense? No one could hold a candle to your grasp of Bible. You gave us a meaningful sermon every day! We enjoyed it! Honest! Anything is enjoyable in comparison to your science class.

The Coach: We loved your classes. It was our chance to get out of dungeons…er the class rooms and stretch our limbs. You were an emergency recruitee from the local wrestling school, as your predecessor had upped and left for the world yonder without notice. You were not conversant with the finer points of English speaking, in fact you were not conversant with English at all!, but felt the pressure to speak the language. That provided the comic relief to the otherwise lackluster life of a school boy. You never believed in flogging and were kind enough to tell us to “Understand the tree” (Stand under the tree), if we were tired/sick or plain lazy. We were not stupid to turn right when you said left every day at the assembly. It was only to catch a glimpse of the girls as they went to their classes. And by the way, your perfume was very alluring, until we equated it with the distillery.

The Natural science teacher: Ma’am, you were BIG, body, mind and soul. The love of Zoology in your diet maybe, was responsible for the body. Only God could give the mind and soul. Bless him! What?! Sorry for the pointed questions in “Reproductive process of mammals” class. The Hon. Harold Robbins had already done the Birds and Bees stuff. We just wanted to see you go from white to pink to beet red. It must have been dreadful! Remember the time you tried to peel the hair off my head? You did not get a grip. My hair was oily, and so your hand greasy. Sorry again!

The Physical Sciences teacher: Sir, you are the inspiration for me. You got me addicted to science. You made me go technical. You took students of promise to your home for extra classes. You did every thing to make a success of nitwits like us. You made and gave the poor Hearing aids in your spare time. I still wonder where you got spare time at all! I had the privilege of being thrashed by three of your family. We were scared to face you in the class. The spatter was too much. End of your class meant rush at the sink in the toilet. Sorry about that. Thank you, Sir.

Names have not been mentioned to protect MY Safety and Privacy. Those dead amongst these, must be turning in their graves, others will set the mob on me.

So people these were the teachers who let loose me and thousands of other lunatics into the working world. I believe the world is a much better place because of my tribe. If you don’t see an Idiot, how do you recognize a sane one?

What do you think?