You think he's cheating on you...and you don't know what to do
84telltale sign of cheating: lipstick or perfume on your man
My favorite reads on cheaters.
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The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It
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Cheating Men Exposed!: The Games Men Play and the Lies They Tell
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The Little Black Book Exposed: Inside the Minds of Men - Sex, Lies and Relationships
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How To Recognize the Signs of Cheating Men
Price: $8.94
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![The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It [TRUTH ABT CHEATING 6D]](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51klqq9bATL._SL75_.jpg)
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The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It [TRUTH ABT CHEATING 6D]
Price: $30.90
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What Daddy Never Told His Little Girl
Price: $11.95
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This is the ONLY advice you need to follow if you suspect your man is cheating on you.
You think your man is cheating on you. The thought has at least crossed your mind. Something he may have said, or done, may have sparked a little doubt in your mind the he is being loyal.
It is far too easy in this situation to say " No, he's not like that," or " he wouldn't do that to me."
Let me tell you: He could, he can, and he will.
When you start suspecting your man is cheating on you, this is your female intuition raising a huge RED FLAG. You need to listen to what you think deep down in your gut, because this is the voice of truth that you NEED to hear and listen to.
12 tell-tale signs that he's cheating on you:
- He's broke because all of his cash is going to the other woman.
- He's been putting you down lately or picking fights with you (this is a tactic they use to ease their guilt).
- They get defensive if you question where they've been or ask about females that he has been spending time with.
- The first thing he does when he gets home is take a shower.
- He has all of a sudden been meticulous with keeping his physical appearance up.
- He doesn't have a lot of time for you, and he may have told you he's "working late" on many occasions.
- He goes out at night, a lot. He may use the out with "buddies" excuse. When he's out, his phone is off, and goes straight to voicemail.
- He's been getting a lot of calls/texts lately. He may act like he's in a rush to get off the phone.
- He puts a password on his phone.
- He hasn't put a password on his phone and you notice a lot of unknown numbers. (Beware, men will list their other women as businesses or names of men so you won't second-guess the calls).
- Your sex life is non-existent
- He asks you where you are all of the time. You think he's being concerned. The reality is... he's making sure he won't get caught in the act.
If any of the above behaviors ( or anything else you may feel is "sketchy" has been happening for an extended period of time, its likely that he is cheating on you. I don't recommend confronting him off the bat. He will lie. Men lie through their teeth because the last thing they want is to be confronted by a female.
10 things you can do to INVESTIGATE if you expect he's been cheating on you:
1. Closely monitor his phone activity and take notes. If he answers calls around you, does he act rushed to hang up with the person? Can you tell if its a female? If you have access to his phone and can go through it without him knowing, DO IT. Take note of all of the names and numbers in his phone book. Write down all incoming, outgoing, and missed calls. Make sure you notate the times and length of calls. If you're lucky enough to have the password to his voicemail. Check his messages from your phone often. If he doesn't keep his voicemail password protected, check his messages from his phone. Keep the following in mind: He might clear his call logs out ( a clear sign that theres something going on that he doesn't want you to see), He may store the other woman as a business or under a male's name, so that you won't pick up on it. Question everything. If he keeps his phone password protected, that is a clear sign he is cheating.
2. After taking extensive notes over a period of time on his call activity, do you notice any trends? A lot of late night calls? A lot of calls to the same two or three numbers? Perhaps some really LONG phone calls? Any phone numbers that raise your suspicion, call them. If you get the voicemail and its a female voice, you've found the other woman. If you get an automated voicemail, keep calling back. If you can't get access to his phone, intercept his mail and take his phone bill. No, its not a charming thing to do, but he's lying to you and all bets are off, just do it.
3. Pay close attention to his car. Are the seats moved around? If the passenger seat has been moved, especially closer to the dash, then its likely he had a female riding with him. Turn the radio on. Is it tuned to a station different than it normally is? Check the CD player for any unrecognized discs, or for any romantic or sexy music. Is your man suddenly keeping air fresheners in his car? Make sure you look in the glove box, under the seats, on the seats, all through the back seat for any sex stains, female hairs, condoms, condom wrappers, stray underwear, or any other evidence of another female.
4. Check the pockets of his clothes frequently. Look for receipts that may indicate a purchase for another woman, look for condoms or condom wrappers, look for anything that might indicate his cheating. Also check his wallet. If you can get a hold of his bank statement and credit card bill, even better. Check for restaurant charges, movie theater charges, hotel charges, shopping charges, and so on.
5. Pay attention to how his guy friends are acting around you lately. Has there been a change? Do they seem a little uncomfortable around you now? Maybe a little avoidant? Keep in mind that when men are having an affair they usually brag to their buddies. They think they're slick that you're in the dark. Listen to his conversations with his friends, does it sound like they have a new string of inside jokes? Does anything sound amiss to you? Whenever possible, talk to his friends as much as possible. If you can, try to catch your man in a lie through gaining information from his friends. Please note that you cannot let his friends know you suspect him of cheating. Guys will always cover up for other guys. However, you can for example ask your mans friend "JIm" what he did this weekend ( when your man isn't around) if he says he took a road trip to Colorado Friday- Monday, you know that your man wasn't being honest when he told you he was with "Jim" on Saturday night.
6.If he calls and asks you where you are, or ask what your schedules going to be like, LIE. If he doesn't know where you really are at any given time, he has more of a chance of getting caught in the act. If you live together, and you can find time, drop by your house on break, at varying times of the day, even if he's suppossed to be at work. You may very well drop by the house at 2pm on a Monday, and catch him in the act because he wasn't expecting you to be there. You can also try dropping by his job once in a while. Try not to make your prescence known. Oh, was he out to lunch? Does he USUALLY take his lunch with him and work through his lunch hour? You might want to take a quick drive around the area and see if you spot his car at any local hotels, restaurants, bars, etc.
7. On a night that he's going out with his "buddies" try to follow him. You have to be really discreet. If you don't think you can follow him without having him realize it, have someone you trust follow him. Did he do what he told you he was doing? If he told you he was going to be at such and such a friends house, drop by there with an excuse like " I'm locked out of my house, is my man here?" If he isn't, boom, he's lying to you.
8. Pay close attention to how he functions in his relationship with you. When you ask him what he did today, or yesterday or what have you, is he over explanatory? Does he take a long time to think up what he did? Does he look to the left ( a signal he is lying), does he avoid contact? Has he been so busy lately that he doesn't have time for you? Has he stopped buying you things, taking you out for special nights, or has he been sleeping over less? Does he seem really stressed out when you try to talk to him? Have you been fighting a lot lately? Men who cheat find themselves in fights with their significant others because they are on edge as they know they are two timing, they become more and more defensive and guilty acting.
9. Stop initiating physical contact with him. Don't be a cold fish, but let him make the moves and observe. Is he as "hot and heavy" for you as he used to be? Does he tell you he loves you anymore? Is your sex life dwindling? Does he withdraw if you initiate contact? If you ARE still having sex with your man. Use protection, you don't know who this other woman is or where she has been.
10. After you have gathered enough evidence and are pretty damn sure there is a possibility that your man is cheating... DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
You may not have been lucky enough to catch him in the act, but if the signs are there, and your gut is correct, that is just as good. You can try to confront him, but very few men fess up. If you do confront him, do you believe his excuses? Listen to his gut.Again, IF YOU THINK YOUR MAN IS CHEATING ON YOU HE PROBABLY IS.
Now some of you might be asking " Well I can't be 100% sure he is cheating on me, I don't feel right breaking up with him, innocent until proven guilty."
And my response is: If there are any signs that lead you to believe your man is cheating on you, you should leave him RIGHT now.
Are you going to wait until you find him and the other woman in your bed? Are you going to wait until he brings home a STD? Are you going to wait until he decides to leave you for her and you're left with no integrity?
If your man is being hot and cold, displaying sketchy behavior, is running around at all hours of the night doing god knows what, racking up numbers from women, getting his phone blown up by females...thats enough reason to leave him. I don't care if you have kids with this person, if your man is cheating YOU DO NOT GIVE HIM SECOND CHANCES What type of example would you be setting for these children if you took your man back? That its okay for men to act like this because women are so forgiving? Come on, you have more self-respect for yourself than that.
Giving your man a second chance only shows him what a sucker you are, and remember, once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater.
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Comments
John, you give great advice. Most people can change only about 10% of their behavior 10% of the time. eeek I read that somewhere and don't remember where but it sounds about right. Now, of course people CAN change more, but they don't.
If it's dangerous, and often can turn that way when someone cheating has been "discovered" -- get out fast and quietly. It all goes to hell in a hand basket when women say the proverbial "I'm leaving you!" Just go. Get safe, then yell all you want.
good info....Marisue
Wow, glad i'm not your man lol
Good point John, I will have to revise and say " Get out quietly and safely and don't let him know where you are and THEN call him threatening to neuter him"
This is a very informative hub for those who are trying to find out if their significant other is cheating. Last night I the news I heard many people are now hiring love decoys to determine whether their spouse would ever cheat. What are your feelings about this issue? I really cannot say I am for or against it as I have never been in that situation, but I was just wondering what you thought about it given this hub is about cheating.
I see we've been busy.....hmmmmm
if I suspect my man of cheating I'm going to go on that show (can't remember the name, but it's high drama!)
wow this is very nice idea
well we've all heard it time and time again.. but I have come to discover that they will cheat regardless if thats what they are use to. some people just are simply not happy with one person. They have yet to fall truely in ... yeah... whats the word... oh yeah... LOVE. I am clueless to what that really is... but good clues and good advice.
k
Is flirting wrong ms lady?
You are a nutjob...thats way too intense
Ryan and Jykeith, I think Lady was trying to convey that these measures should be taken IF you suspect cheating, and IF you really want to find out for sure. I really don't think she meant for women to go around constantly checking on someone for no good reason. As a woman myself, I can attest to the thought crossing my mind with just about every relationship (had one experience as a very young impressionable girl and was blind sighted), however; if I suspect, I just read stuff like this on the internet and check cell from time to time (thankfully, I have never found anything that really indicates cheating). Lady Luck, great hub for those who really want to find out :)
they're all f**king losers i don't trust mans any way
I heard that men don't pick fights to overcompensate guilt. They overcompensate guilt with showering more attention to their women. Suddenly giving gifts, over-sugared attention, but everyone is different. Maybe some pick fights, some shower more attention. But I can understand the showering more, because if they do that, the women would do less investigating and less curiosity.
Hi Lady Luck,
You could try a book called 'Affair Detector'.
Go to http://www.AffairDetector.fw.nu
Good Luck,
Dai Losinski
Frankly speaking, when you have the strong feelings that your partner is cheating you, he/she really is... and finding out whether it's true or not will hurt u even more..
Well, in a relationship, ups and downs really come... and some treat the downs as trials which, when you passed, will make the love even more stronger...The best thing to do is to communicate and find out why the partner is cheating..Man is by nature polygamous, and this stage really comes to a man ( so they say)... If u want to hold on to the marriage ties that bond u, forgiving the spouse and healing the wounds will make u go a long way.
But, the second time he does it... its the right time to kick his butt out of the house!
Really, this is all good if you absolutely MUST be on a quest for the truth, but in my opinion if you've lost trust to the point that you are going to go through these types of fire drills, then the relationship is on its last legs anyway. Time to exit.
i think everybody is of the opinion to leave him and its right too. But actually when u land up in such a situation its difficult to handle. I have been married since 3 years now and my husband doesnt want to tell his frnds and world that he is mairr(we did court mairr) and he plans often cricket tours with gals from different countries whom he meets on internet. have caught him 2ce but havent gathered courage to leave him
Hi lady luck - you say : If there are any signs that lead you to believe your man is cheating on you, you should leave him RIGHT now.
Are you going to wait until you find him and the other woman in your bed? Are you going to wait until he brings home a STD? Are you going to wait until he decides to leave you for her and you're left with no integrity?
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WHY on earth should the woman be the one to leave the home?? Geez. They have a 1/2 million $$ home - WHY should the woman LEAVE? In any case, these days most states and in all provinces they have No-Fault divorce--it doesn't MATTER AT ALL what the spouse is doing or has done - assets are split 50/50. Violence, affairs, NOTHING matters - 50/50 split.
You say: thats enough reason to leave him. I don't care if you have kids with this person, if your man is cheating YOU DO NOT GIVE HIM SECOND CHANCES What type of example would you be setting for these children if you took your man back? That its okay for men to act like this because women are so forgiving? Come on, you have more self-respect for yourself than that.
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If the woman decides to forgive the man and btw - WHY would the kids know anyway unless you TOLD them) - then you are not sending the kids any wrong messages or any messages at all.
My sister is going through this but it is more complex, she used to drink (alcoholicly) ; he used that as an excuse to have an affair - AND he told the kids about the affair, that *daddy wasn't happy* - blaa blaa...that mommy was a *loser* basicly - and so forth. My sister is nearing (I fear) relapse over this.
What do you have for advice about THAT ONE!?
What a mess!
Personally, I am a big supporter of communication. If at any point your man is not fulfilling your needs, you should have a talk with him about it. If you reach a point where you must resort to following him around, and tracking his phone calls, I think it would be much healthier to just end the relationship. If there is no trust, and no communication, what are you trying to save? Unless you are trying to get evidence to help your case in a divorce settlement, there is no need to "catch him in the act".
great hub... my friend has been praying for answers... It's true what they say about women's intuition. can't go wrong... This might be able to offer her a little consolation..... :)
Great hub, cnt believe hw dead on u r lady! 2day, 2 of my m8s av told me tht they've seen my boyfriend wv anothr grl. the tell-tale signs are almost exact, he's hard 2 gt hold of on his mobile, whn he gets bck he always tks a shower, + b4 he cms round + sees me, he's trnd dwn our days 2 gva, my plans etc... he goes mad whn im out wv the girls + tells me 2 cm bck 2 him? things r gtn fishy evry day. im gna carry on reading 2 read ur tips, cz i dnt know wht 2 do, cz i love him? shld i believe my m8s?
Boy it's tough. I've never experienced a cheating spouse myself. I've been the woman that someone has cheated his wife with. It lasted only a month. I just didn't think it was a good idea at all for me, heck I want my own man. didn't want to play the second fiddle. many wives from my impression usually are too scared to find out anyway, and they just ignore the warning signs. Ignorance is bliss they say, until it bites them on the ass. They could find it if they look, but they just don't want to. Scared to find out what they might really find. So they live in a probably so called co-dependency relationship w/their husbands. It's a choice.
Be careful, ladies. If you open another person's mail to review their phone bill, you've commited a federal crime in the US. If you even access his phone bill without his knowledge, you can be opening yourself up to civil liability and local prosecution.
I want to say this- My man had started blaming and accusing me of cheating on him and i was always told that the accuser is the abuser but i did my own investigation and he is not cheating on me but yet he has left me cuase he thought i was cheating and now i cant even get him to talk to me or even come back home ...What do i do?
There are a few other signs. I broke up with my ex around feb of this year actually I should say he broke up with me. I suffer from severe deppression and he knew that from the start that my sex drive and intamacy level would flux up and down. Well I noticed that he never had money to pay the "rent" which I thought was his acohol habit. But then he said that he would get me a Christma's gift.. I actually never recieved it even after I gave him his. When I gave him his Christmas gift he had the nerve to tell me he wasnt going to wear the celtic love knot necklace I bought him cause it was Pewter. That was sum what of a red flag there but then he took me out to eat one night told me I could order a salad and a main course but I had to keep it under $40 but he himself ordered almost more then $100 on himself and then told me I had to tell the room mate that I paid for it or that his room mate was going to up his rent again if he knew that he had money, semi major red flag as I look back....then when he started counting the days since we had sex that worried me and till I went to visit him to break it off he broke it off first was like "I'm not making you happy so I think we should go our separet ways cause you never want to come over here any more." I told him I didnt like coming over cause his room mate was a drug dealer. then he swear up and down that he never cheated on me and kept asking me if I cheated on him. And that was the final and most major red flag. when I came back two weeks later to collect my clothing and pillow from his house I found a pair of panties that I know could never be mine, in my clothing. I asked him how long those had been in my clothes and he said I don't know.
so lady luck I could talk to you more on actual red flags do to all my ex's but I just can't type any more. And most of the red flags you dont even have to do investigation on. Especially if you boyfriend has a boyfriend. the boyfriend of the boyfriend if your very good friends tells all on yours on his and your male lover. Just a word for some women your man may not be cheating on you with a woman he may have a male lover that he wants you to know nothing of. Bi men in the closet. Or gay men that play straight.
Very useful for someone who wants to drive themselves to a full-on breakdown, but come on! It's my opinion that the one doing the snooping always gets the worst deal. I've done it (although not to that extent), and the issue here is not that he is or isn't cheating, it's that you feel the need to spend your precious time acting like a stalker! If you're doing any of these things, you must already know the answer. Put the phone logs away, and just ask. And then leave.
i have been with my partner for 11 years and lately think hes cheating, he is always on the internet and i think he is chatting to other woman , he has even sent someone a picture of his penis . he hasnt been working lately and he never really leaves the house but i suspect somethings not right, im heartbroken because i really taught we had something great, we also have 2 kids who adore their daddy . please help im a reck.
interesting hub!
Wow, sounds like someone speaks from experience here!
The one thing that really it off for when was that his phone was always cleared of previous calls and text messages...sure I was being sneaky but my intuition was right. If he is on the phone daily and his log is empty that is a pretty good sign....just make sure your birthday is coming up b/c you may be ruining your own surprise (funny but sad story from a dear friend who was a little too suspicious)
You, and women like you, are absolutely crazy. I'm shocked to hear you advise your readers to follow their men, spy on them at work, use his buddies, open his bank statements...
If the GOVERNEMNT did that to you, you could SUE... and win.
This is terribly disturbing. Women that behave like this, who think this is acceptable, display this behavior whenever they deem necessary. Often, it's before the Man ever cheats, and usually forces him away from her. You were nuts before... you just kept Genie in the bottle while you were letting him spend his money on you.
This post is dangerous. This is not just being "sneaky" at all. Sneaky, is when you tell him you're working late, but instead you rush home to cook a hot meal and throw on some perfume so he can enjoy a you being a "lady" for once, not a competitor.
He's not good to you? Leave. Don't take his money. Leave. Suspicious? Deal with it or leave. Maybe 90% of women today are so screwed up, this is the only way they know how to treat a man? Screwed up? Who else thinks FAT means "a few extra pounds"? Men sure don't...
Feed me. Love me. Shut up. Men will love you forever. You talk too much...
once a cheter always a cheater , what goes araund comes around and if he loves u he wont do it but ih he do hes a looser ungreatfull
Tell me what the hell your supposed to do when you move to a small hick town that he,s from with him and you lost everything in a relationship before him and are trying to start over again thinking he might be the one to finally be alittle honest.But turns out to be worse then any other relationship you,v been in.I know no-one here his family is right across the driveway .Ran my car into the ground letting him use it to supposedly earn a living.Yet now uses daddies vehicle.I have very little money .ALL and ALL trapped.and know all to well the game of him going out on me.He is Very slick
I think that when you reach the stage when you have to start following someone around then its time to get out.But in this day and age of AIDS it is an act of survival to make sure you are not with a cheating man.Usually if u are having doubts I believe where there is smoke there is fire but make sure that you yourself have not had straying thoughts as that usually translates into you not trusting your partner.It is a mind thing!!!
Thanks, this was great...
I actually think Ive been cheated on so much in the past that I just am unable to trust the man im with now. Which is a shame,... Also. After reading the signs, I'm more confident that he's not cheating.. he is so open with all info.. and phone, facebook, emails... etc
Hi. I am a hacker. I can get you a myspace,hi5, facebook,msn/hotmail,aol/aim,yahoo,gmail...basically any password. I do charge money to get a password. Once I do have password, I'llshow proof I have it. Are you interested? Please email me at fordf202006@yahoo.com
Ha, very interesting piece. A friend of mine says cheating is a part of marriage because a man just can't stay with only one woman. Going further, he said that's why God, or nature, or whatever you want to call it made sure that there are far more men than women (something like 5 women to one man). Funny, but there's some sense in that, isn't there?
This is way too one sided. sounds like this article is condoning a behavior that is very suspicious and paranoid.
Interesting hub!
I think that this is a very interesting post. roughnecksmile, you are somehow right, the spying thing goes a little overboard, but come on! How can we know if the guy is cheating if we are just gonna sit there and do nothing??
If there is anyone who I can agree with is Mr. Chancellor.
In a relationship, always put God first. I'm sure that relationship will last. :)
very wonderful advice...I have been married for 10 years later I have an instict that my husband is cheating on me...just like what u said about anonymous numbers sometimes name of a man but the message is really suspicious. So i started to notice his action and everything about him until one day one message came telling about a child thats really melts me away having a child to another women knowing that we have 3 children and he doesnt have any jobs to support us...I was very angry. I ask him if he had an affair he denies it so i make my own investigation and its true its very painful to me especially to my children but i decided to leave him for good. So my self respect is still there hope i can move on right away.. give me some tips on how to move on because honestly I still love him but everytime i see him all the sad memories comes out.
Really, now...bottom line....who really cares. You can't control another person or their choices. If you like the cheater, stay in the relationship, if you don't, or are too angry to deal with the situation then leave. If you are a married person, move to your own place and see him when YOU want. If you are a religious person, and feel the need to stay, assure yourself that God will repay every hurt you endure, (then you can hang out and watch Him do it, while you remain peaceful with your inward smile).
A person who is totally upset and unable to get over being cheated on must examine his/her own emotions. Are you so upset because your partner did it first? And...how good are we all, anyway? Any one here hit perfection yet? :-) Love, Ellie
MSNBC why men cheat
- Do men cheat for the thrill? Or the sex?
MSNBC article that has a couple of pretty good theories on why men cheat.
Tickle Test
- Tickle: Is your man cheating?
Take this quiz and find out if your man is cheating on you!
John Chancellor says:
14 months ago
Lady,
You give some wonderful tips and advice. However I would caution women about two things. The first, some men have a violent side to their personality. Once caught, they can try to punish the woman. I would advice a woman if your feelings are strong enough to act on, it is probably time to move on.
I think a lot of women believe that they can "change" the cheating man. That all they need to do is show love and understand and he will change. It really does not matter the nature of the shortcoming, changing is damn near impossible. Be realistic. If you are finding unacceptable behavior, face the facts and find a safe way out.
The basics for a healthy relationship are communication, trust and respect. If the trust is gone, you should be also.