Appeasement is futile

Women are like children in this respect.. .they have to know where the boundaries are. They will keep pushing and testing until they find those boundaries. When a woman pushes, and feels that resistance, it allows her to feel secure with you. This is what she's looking for. But if she doesn't feel that resistance, then she will keep pushing until she walks all over you.

Of course, she'll be unable to respect a man if she can walk all over him. It'll be mildly disappointing to her, but she'll also feel reassured about her feminine power — which feels good — and she may even reward his submission with positive reinforcement. Good doggy.

The moral is, just because she likes something doesn't mean it will bring you any closer to sex. A girl enjoys the ego boost when men cat-call at her — but she'll never have sex with those men.

Logically, rejection causes us no harm. But emotionally, rejection can be a punishing experience. To understand this, we must look at the ancient environment for which we were designed.

In a tribal group, there will be some small number of available women of breeding age. When a man approaches one, he risks rejection, and if that happens, all the other women will know, which will diminish his value in their eyes — maybe to the point where none of the women will mate with him. This is called preselection — women look for social validation of their choices. A suitor who is preselected will be more attractive, whereas a man who has been rejected will be less so.

Another factor regarding approach anxiety is the possibility that she may already be taken, in which case there is a component of real, physical danger to any male who approaches her.

For all these reasons and more, men are naturally selected to experience approach anxiety. Logically, of course, modern society fixes these problems. If I am rejected, I can simply go to another part of the bar, or leave the bar entirely. I will probably never see any of those people again. But my emotions don't know that. My emotions are trying to do what's best for me.

So how can you avoid rejection?

The answer is: you can't. It isn't the solution to avoid being vulnerable. Rather, the solution is to embrace your vulnerability, to embrace rejection, and let the Field show you what is good and what is bad. Most approach anxiety is a result of imagined rejections, not real ones. Eventually, time in the Field will desensitize you to the emotion of rejection. In a game where you might play five or ten sets every night, losing a few of them here and there never really seems like a big deal.

There is more to winning a fight than simply punching first, and as any martial artist knows, the stronger man does not always win. Preparation and training can mean the difference between surviving and dying.

Similarly, there is more to successfully beginning a sexual relationship than simply being good looking enough. A good game plan expertly executed can mean the difference between replicating and having your genes unapologetically weeded out of existence.

The martial arts and the venusian arts possess many parallels.

• Both are disciplines in dynamic social interaction, and each is for many, a way of life.

• Both rank proficiency; colored belts for martial artists and colored charms hung on black cords for venusian artists.

• Each also embodies a comprehensive mental element which is expressed through physicality.

Emotions are circuits in the brain that judge value and create motivation. They are designed to keep you alive and to replicate your genes. It is interesting to note that the various emotions don't have to be in agreement with each other. You can be happy about something but simultaneously disappointed about it as well. You can enjoy someone's company but also find them completely unattractive sexually. You can yearn for something but then be unhappy when you get it. It isn't necessary for these emotions (and the behavior they generate) to be logically consistent — it is only necessary that they keep your genes alive.

What do women want? Their various drives and motivations are often in conflict. She may desire a strong, alpha man. But when she acquires one, she may set about turning him into a beta male, bit-by-bit, as a natural nesting instinct. If she succeeds and he is tamed, then she will feel reassured in her feminine power but simultaneously she will find him less attractive as a result.

The venusian artist uses emotional stimulation instead of rational discourse. As long as it feels right, your romantic interest will invent her own reasons for what is happening. In other words, when you can give her the right feelings, her rationalization process starts to work in your favor instead of against it.

A woman knows how susceptible she can be when she is in an emotional state. Often her solution to this is to avoid becoming emotionally engaged in an interaction where she doesn't feel trust or safety, or where the man gaming her doesn't seem to have enough S and R value. When this happens she will seem non-responsive. Thus, if you can engage a woman on an emotional level, even if it's a "bad"' emotion such as frustration or jealousy, this is much preferable to her remaining non-responsive.

Also, instead of only trying to give her "good" emotions or avoid "bad" emotions, stimulate her with a range of emotions such as curiosity, fascination, fear of loss, connection, indignation, validation and devalidation, humor, embarrassment, happiness, sadness, and so on. The more she is stimulated, the more compelling the experience will be for her. Chapter 5 describes various techniques for this.

Rejection and Approach Anxiety

Logically, rejection causes us no harm. But emotionally, rejection can be Punishing experience. To understand this, we must look at the ancient environment for which we were designed.

In a tribal group, there will be some small number of available women

breeding age. When a man approaches one, he risks rejection, and

happens, all the other women will know, which will diminish his value in

eyes — maybe to the point where none of the women will mate with him.

called preselection — women look for social validation of their choices.

suitor who is preselected will be more attractive, whereas a man who has

Another factor regarding approach anxiety is the possibility that she

already be taken, in which case there is a component of real, physical danger

any male who approaches her.

For all these reasons and more, men are naturally selected to experience approach anxiety. Logically, of course, modern society fixes these problems.

am rejected, I can simply go to another part of the bar, or leave the

entirely. I will probably never see any of those people again. But my emotions don't know that. My emotions are trying to do what's best for me.

Another example of female intuition

Women often look for the "real meaning" behind what you say. For example, if you tell a story about your "friend-" she will usually assume that you are actually talking about yourself. This can be useful when the story demonstrates higher value. For example, if you don't want to look like a braggart, you could say, "My friend hooked up with this amazing girl and they had wild sex all weekend..."

On the flipside, if you want her to believe that the story really is about someone else (like if it demonstrates lower value) then use a specific name. For example, "My friend Craig woke up last weekend with a condom in his ass and..."

Shell assume you really are talking about someone else if you give him a name.

The 3-Second Rule

You want to be in a set within three seconds of entering the venue. Just walk right up to the first set of people that you see and open them. This is called the 3-second rule. Remember, you are not only working the set, but the entire room-No one else knows whether you are already acquainted with these people. It certainly seems as if you know them — you entered the venue, walked right up to them, and now they are having a fun conversation with you. You must be a social guy with lots of friends!

Then you move on to the next set, and the positive perception of you continues to grow. You are becoming socially proofed in this venue. Notice the magical ease with which sets will open up to you when you have this level of social proof For this reason, it is important not to be too selective in choosing your sets. It's better to be in a set than to get picky and end up alone when you should be working the room.

Another interpretation of the three-second rule states: Within three seconds of spotting a set that you want to open, you must open that set.

This really adds a natural spontaneity to the approach. The difference in your state of mind is noticeable. A woman can usually tell when a man is working up the courage to approach her, which can lower her perception of his value. But if you follow the three second rule, she will have a feeling like you just popped up out of nowhere. A very nice energy is added to the interaction when following this rule.

Play Solid Game in the First Place

Her emotional circuitry is designed to select for a high-value man whom she trusts and is pair-bonded to her. If your game is tight, LMR will be greatly reduced as an issue. So examine your basic game:

1. Are you a healthy, ambitious, socially comfortable person?

2. Do you convey a lack of neediness at all times?

3. Have you otherwise demonstrated value, via pre-selection, leader-of-men switch (social intelligence and social proof), emotional stimulation, frame control, etc?

4. Has she chased, and otherwise invested in the interaction?

5. Have you been compliance testing? Do you have kino escalation and compliance?

6. Does she feel that she has earned your interest? (Have you demonstrated your "growing pairbond" for her, using qualifiers and other IOIs?)

1. Have you built comfort and trust, and a sense of connection, over seven hours and several venue changes? Do you have jealousy?

Nearly always, if one is self-critical, it's possible to trace back to one of these points and determine what is causing the LMR.

Cat Theory

"Why do you suppose we only feel compelled to chase the ones who run away?"

~ Vicomte De Valmont, Les liaisons Dangereuses

Cats don't take orders, but they can be tempted to chase. If you tie a feather to the end of a string, and use it properly, YOU can get a cat to

perform acrobatics. But isn't it interesting that if you put the feather down in

front of the cat, she will turn up her noser

Cats are always curious, especially about shiny new tilings such as the ball on a rubber cord, the catnip, the treats, the feather on a string, etc. She can be easily distracted but once she is invested in tiling to catch something, it can become her single-minded focus.

There is a lot to learn from cats. If you push a cat off of you, she jumps back into your lap. If you want to hold her, then she wants you to put her down. If she is feeling nasty she might bite or scratch. She craves attention and she gets jealous of other cats. Sometimes she'll just rub against you and purr with contentment — you can really tell when a cat likes someone.

A cat sees the feather from across the room, but continues about her business. Then the feather slightly moves and her gaze is drawn. When the

feather jumps once or twice more, she starts to steadily creep in its direction.

Jerk the string at just the right time, and the cat suddenly goes crazy, running circles around the worn, flying over furniture to catch that feather.

As the venusian artists proceeds with a pickup, he keeps validation and attention just slightly out of her reach. If he is too easily acquired, then she will quickly grow bored and lose interest. But likewise if he is completely unattainable, then she will also lose interest and give up.

What are some other examples of gaining compliance?

• Getting her to invest. (She goes to retrieve a drink for you, she spends some money on you, etc.)

• Getting her to move with you or bounce to another location.

• Locking her in. The longer a girl wears an item of yours, the more compliance you have. If the girl removes your item, she is defying.

• Social pressure. Get one of her peer group to tell her to be nice to you, or to give you an accomplishment introduction, and you will immediately gain much more compliance from her.

• People generally comply if it results in more fun, or gaining some benefit. We are inherently selfish.

• People will also comply if there is a threat A man with a gun gets more compliance than one with a hose.

Of course the venusian artist will never actually pull out a gun. But there are ways to make her feel slightly threatened if she fails to comply.

Compliance Threshold

When choosing to align with people, we comply with their requests to a certain threshold. The more value that you represent to a woman, the more she wants to align with you — the more leeway you have when escalating. By using IODs to punish defiance, and IOIs to reward compliance, a venusian artist can quickly bring a woman to the compliance threshold.

The compliance threshold is the point of the interaction where she realizes that she has more fun if she complies! Once this happens, you have established control of the frame and she will follow your lead. This should happen in A2 or A3. If in C1 you are still getting defiance, then you are not really in C1 at all

Do not be afraid to overestimate your value. If you waste time trying to build value that you already have, when you should instead be compliance testing, you could blow yourself out of the set by creating negative compliance.

One venusian artist used to have a problem with Southern girls, because they were so nice that he felt he wasn't sparking attraction, so he would over-neg to the point of obnoxiousness. Later he realized that those sets were already on, and all he was doing was creating resistance to his complia

Comfort First telegraphs sexual interest

Simply by approaching her and being nice, women of beauty assume you want something from them. If she doesn't think you are selling something (or begging for change), she'll reason it's because you want to win her sexual favor. Even if you aren't interested in her sexually, she'll assume you are, just because you approached her in the same manner as the last half-a-dozen nice guys did that night.

Him; Nice boots

Her; I have a boyfriend

Most men mistake these short-term defenses for long-term personality flaws. This quite often turns men off and it is for this very reason that these strategies work. From them, it's better to allow a bunch of men she doesn't have attraction for to think she is a bitch than to have to sit there and listen to them all.

Him: What's your name? Her: Get lost

Some woman may tolerate mildly entertaining nice guy dialogue, but once the conversation begins to grow mundane, she'll excuse herself. Persistent nice guys will meet greater resistance as she becomes weary of his prolonged presence. Although playing a bitch can become a form of entertainment for some, most women with protection shields use them for good reason and are otherwise very nice people.

Him; Hi, how are you?

Her: Look, I'm not going to have sex with you.

If you don't take the time to attract a woman first, you won't give her a reason for her to want to even have a conversation with you. This will force her to raise her shields. Keep comfort building to mid-game, and don't prematurely begin in the middle.

Sample Negs

• YOU: "I don't think we should get to know each other." HER: "Why not?"

YOU: "I think you are just too much of a nice girl for me."

• If your target says something even slightly rude you say, "You don't get out much do you?"

• If a girl isn't into anything active, use that as an opportunity to neg her by saying, "Get with the program. I'm into living life. Don't you care about staying fit? just cause you are thin doesn't mean you are toned you know. You have to consciously plan activities. That's it... I'm your success coach ... and we are going roller-blading (or rock climbing) this week."

• If your target interrupts you, say, "Hello, I'm talking, geez" or, "Excuse me... may I finish my sentence first?" You then say to others in the group, "Is she always like that?"

• If you are asking a question to two women and the target answers you say, "I didn't ask you. silly."

Token Resistance

At higher levels of escalation, such as kissing, your hands will be moving much more freely around her body. (This is also a form of compliance testing.) Girls are programmed to give Token resistance to physical escalation; it's an emotional response to avoid feeling like a slut. She wants tilings to happen, but she wants it to feel right and she doesn't want it to be her fault For example, if you put your hand on her leg and leave it there, she may remove it. This is undesirable because you are now using her anti-slut defense to condition her to push you away.

But instead it you stroke your finger up her thigh as part of a routine and then your touch is gone, you have ended clean. She may even feel slight disappointment that the touch is gone. Now she is more being conditioned to feel dismay when your touch is gone.

She is also more accustomed to your touch and accepting of it. This works because of the consistency principle. She didn't object because the touch was already gone. But by not objecting, some part of her has tacitly accepted that it's not objectionable. In the future she is more likely to be consistent with the behavior and frame that she is already accustomed to when interacting with you. After all, she's not a hypocrite

Here are some examples of compliments:

• "You seem like someone who really knows what she wants, I admire that."

• "You really care about your friends. I bet you will make a really good mother."

• 'You have a good energy."

• "I notice you're the leader of your friends. Why is that?" • "You're a great conversationalist."

• "You're a very classy girl. What are you doing in a place like this?"

• "Wow you seem so confident with your friends, like you're kinda the leader of your peer group. I just love your energy... -> Are you close with your family?'" [Going into next routine.]

• "You have such an expressive personality ... That's a valuable thing in the entertainment industry. There are a million women who are beautiful; I just came back from Florida, but how many do you think have an outgoing personality like yourself? I'm telling you, that's a very attractive quality and a valuable asset."

"Baby, we've got to slow this down.."

Some people think that it's the man's job to escalate, and the woman's job is to resist. Instead, think of it as if it is the man's job to do both. If you are constantly thing to get more kino, like getting yards on a football field, it telegraphs far too much interest and deprives her of the hot/cold, push/pull energy that she finds so compelling.

When you pull in close to a girl, there's this tension in the air. At some point, if she feels too much discomfort, she will pull away. This isn't what you want — you don't want to condition her into a behavior of constantly pulling away from you. Rather, you want her conditioned to chase after you.

So, once that tension has been created, it's now time to push her away. This might be physically ("get off me, geez") or emotionally, such as using a backturn, false disqualifier or some other IOD. You might frame it as though you are the prize and you're not going to let her get anywhere with you tonight 'cause you have work tomorrow.

One effect of this is that it spikes attraction when you push her away. She will respond more playfully to you now. Another effect is that comfort is created. She doesn't feel like you're trying to get something if you're constantly pushing her away. This allows her to feel safe while having fun with you. She can allow the emotional stimulation to escalate instead of having to shut it off in self-defense. And the push makes it that much more stimulating for her when you do pull her back in.

For this reason, toss her hand away after thumb-wrestling or palm-reading. Devise a kino routine where you embrace her for a few seconds of role-playing, and then push her away. Mix signals.. .draw near to her saying that it would never work out between you, but stroke your finger down her cheek at the same time. Then turn away. Use body rocking m conjunction with IOIs, IODs, false-disqualifiers, role-playing, stones, and so on.

Someone could easily spend weeks or months playing with these ideas in the field. There is so much to explore.

Style's Kiss Tactic

When sitting arm-in-arm with your target, lean in and smell her hair and say, "You smell so flacking good, Fin trying so hard not to kiss you right now..."

Then, push her off you and say, "Now get off of me." At this point, do a slight freeze out/IOD and wait for her to give you an IOI. If you did everything correctly up to this point, she will give you an IOI by re-initiating kino with you. After she does, lean in and kiss her.

You'll know that she is ready to be kissed after she IOIs you, because you verbalized that you wanted to kiss her, and her IOIing you is a way of accepting this verbalization.

The above routine is a very good example of many of the principles of MM (kino escalation, compliance, punishment/reward, etc.) working in conjunction with one another. See how the woman enjoys this process when it unfolds?

When you lean in to smell her hair, you are giving her an IOI, but you also do not want to make her uncomfortable by escalating too fast. Therefore, you push her off of you. This in turn makes her uncomfortable. She notices that she is more uncomfortable not having kino with you than she was when she had kino with you, so she re-initiates kino. Then when you lean in to kiss her, this is an IOI Thus you are rewarding her good behavior (her kinoing you), and encouraging more such behavior as tilings progress.

This is how a venusian artist uses the one step forward two steps back principle to get the girl to chase him.

The Music Game

This game is very simple: share with each other those tilings that you like. For example, name a band you enjoy, and then say "your turn."

She may not play along: "I don't really like that band."

You: "Just making conversation.'' (Turn away a bit.. .slight freeze-out.)

Her: "So.. .what else do you listen tor"

You proceed: "I like.. .Pearl Jam.. .it's my favourite band of the nineties. I really like that song 'Garden,' I remember making out with my high-school crush to that song.. .but I digress. Ok, now it's your turn."

Her: "Ok.. .I like.. .Ray Charles... I've always loved 'Georgia on my Mind.' Did you see that movie about him?"

You: "Yeah I just saw that the other night in fact. He has one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard. Wow I'm kind of impressed; Ray Charles. I totally gave you insufficient credit. You have good taste in music."

Her: "Why, thank you."

You: "Ok my turn.. .I like.. Tool."

Her: "I love Tool! I've been into them since their first CD."

You: "No way, you like Tool? Not too many girls are into them. You know, I remember when their last CD came out. I was..." (Tell a story.) ".. .So I never saw that girl again, but I still have that seashell she gave me when it rained. Ok... now it's your turn.