NECESSARY EVILS

My dad was a Marine.  (Really, No Such THING as an Ex-Marine).  He was also the most intelligent person I have ever met.  He had a little problem with severe depression and extreme violence, but he had the right motives.  He was very big on family and the "family unit."   He was very big on the importance of a clean house and a clean body.  He was also big on getting the point across that no one really cares about you like your family.  Well, I had a real trauma bond with my mom and my oldest little sister while we were in that environment, that's for sure.

That being said, although I did not approve of his methods, I finally ended up appreciating his basic message.  I remember him threatening to smash the television because I was so attached to it.  At the time, it seemed extremely cruel.  Now that my son has a serious video game addiction, which has been encouraged by my husband (who is also addicted to video games and usually runs a server out of his house), I understand my father's motives a little more.  If my son only knew how my dad would have reacted to his tantrums about video games.  I am visualizing a computer monitor embedded in the wall right about now.  It would have never been allowed. 

There have also been other relationships in my life that have helped to shape me into what I am and how I believe.  My first husband taught me that true love is expressed using "More Than Words,"  and that you can't keep someone in a stranglehold, hoping someday they will love you like you love them.  I also learned that you can't take back hurtful things you say or do, and you can't go home again.  Oh, and I also kind of get it now that you can't implant a feeling.  Everyone has their own feelings, and they have a right to that. 

Other relationships have taught me to be more considerate of the feelings of others, to have compassion and to appreciate friends.  I have learned that not all strangers are untrustworthy, but some are.  Some are more trustworthy than your closest "friends," and SOMETIMES even more than your own family members.  A true friend is there no matter what your circumstances, understands you and the way you feel (and loves you anyway).

Probably the biggest lesson I am learning is that I cannot let it bother me if someone does not accept me for who I am.  How someone else feels about me is none of my business.  Maybe the person I am offended by has other problems.  The world does not revolve around me.  Well, actually everyone has their own little world. 

I have learned by default that I cannot control anyone, and that even if I am able to manipulate something into what I think I want, it doesn't usually work out to my benefit.  Fantasy Island, anyone?  Good ole Mr. Rourke.  You'd think I would have learned a lot by watching that show.  Not a chance.

Necessary evils.  Those life lessons learned by having bad experiences.  They really AREN'T all that "necessary," if we remain open to what flows, rather than fighting life's current like a salmon swimming upstream.  Our lessons do not have to be learned the hard way.  Whoa, what a concept!