Here it is, the anxiously awaited hub from the runner-up to B. T. Evilpants' hub, Fun at the Cemetary in Rockinjoe's The Most Boring Hub in HubPages History,

Hi folks! Let me introduce my friends and me. BTW, you can thank Trish1048, (otherwise known as Queen of the cylinders for the purpose of this silly hub) since it was her idea. My name is First Thing in the Morning, of Scott Tissue fame, and I’m the head honcho here. I know, I know, you’d think one of the larger cylinders, like Mr. Bounty would be, however, I have to confess, when the election came up, I cheated and I won the honor. Please keep it under your uh, various paper wrappings.

Getting Started

Ok, let’s get started. Uhoh! I hear something! Yes, Queen of the cylinders is coming to rest on her royal throne. She does this every morning, and it’s getting to be a royal pain in the butt, if you know what I mean. Anyway, ya know what that means? I’ll be spinning out of control for a few minutes. I hate when she does that, it makes the hole in my head emptier than where it was left before. Not to mention, she keeps using up my paper robe, pretty soon, I’ll be bald! This calls for a plan of action, and it looks like I’m going to have to recruit my fellow cardboard cylinders for help.

Invitation

Let’s see, whom shall I invite? Yoo hoo! Cardboard cylinders, please gather round. We have to have a meeting. C’mon, c’mon, step it up, we don’t have all day. Oh good, here comes Mr. & Mrs. Bounty, oh, and a bunch of the Scott Tissue kids. Listen kids, you guys may not last long in this meeting, not the way the Queen of the cylinders spins us around. So fair warning, hold on to your paper robes, or you’ll find yourselves banished to the huge cardboard cylinder in the sky, and we don’t want that to happen. You’d be spinning out of control for all eternity.

Ok, ok, let’s get down to business.

Getting Started

Now, Mary Scott tissue, what do you think? For starters, don’t you agree that Queen of the cylinders needs to watch her diet? I mean, really, sometimes she’s barging into my abode with the commode four and five times a day, and that keeps our numbers dwindling, not to mention our little empty heads spinning.

Well, First Thing in the Morning, maybe since you’re the head honcho, you should be the one to tell her that. You could say hey fatso, uh, I mean Queenie, could you please lighten up on the prune juice? What do you think?

Oh my, Mary Scott tissue, don’t you think that’s a little harsh? After all, we don’t want her changing from Scott tissue to some no-name brand. That would put us out of business. Even though we last longer than the no-names, at the rate she uses us Scott tissues, we’d cease to exist in her house. You wouldn’t want that to happen, would you?

Well, First Thing in the Morning, I guess not. After all, she does keep us stocked pretty well, and I’d sure miss the company. But you’re right; we need to get Queen of the cylinders to come in here less often.

Hey, hey guys! Mr. Bounty here. Don’t I get to have any input into this discussion?

Well, of course you do Mr. Bounty. What do you suggest?

As king of Bounty towels, I see all we have here is my wife Mrs. Bounty and myself, and the Scott tissue kids. Why not invite the Wrapping Paper cylinders? They’re a fun group. There’s Christmas wrap, Birthday wrap, Baby Shower wrap, Graduation wrap, heavens, the list goes on and on.

Ok Mr. Bounty.

Yoo hoo! Gift wrap cylinders, please join us. As head honcho, (but please call me First Thing in the Morning), I would like your input to this discussion. What would any of you suggest to get the Queen of the cylinders to slow down coming into my humble abode with the commode?

Me, me, Birthday wrap here. I say threaten her with an outhouse. I bet then she would think twice about running into your abode to use your commode! She’d have to re-think her diet for sure, because I’m sure she wouldn’t want to freeze her ample butt off! Plus, you’d have the added bonus of the incessant spinning slowing down. Good idea?

Oh, my! Birthday wrap, I think that’s a brilliant idea. Any other ideas, cylinders?

Yes, yes, Baby Shower wrap here. I say tell her to come gather my friends, Baby Huey, Baby Cakes, and Pat-a Cake because I plan on inviting them to her house. She’ll then be so busy with diapers, she won’t have time to run in here and use you up. They make baby wipes too, so there would be no need to use up Scott tissue, or even Mr. & Mrs. Bounty. I’ll ask Mr. Baby Wipe (of Baby Wipes fame) to round up his crew of wipes to keep the Queen of the cylinders from using the Scott tissue bunch. Sound good?

Wow, cylinders, when they invented cardboard, you guys are the best. It’s a wonder folks can’t see the forest for the trees, cause you’re all here.

Voting

Ok, gang, let’s take a vote. Mr. & Mrs. Bounty, what do you say?

We say the outhouse idea. We can laugh ourselves silly when she has to make a run for it out to the back 40, hehehehe. But, we’d be here for her in case she has an accident, after all, we aren't totally insensitive.  Not to mention, we are the biggest in the bunch, next to Gift Wraps.

Ok, Baby Shower wrap? Your vote would be?

Oh, duh, First Thing in the Morning, weren’t you listening? My vote would be for the babies of course. It was my suggestion, after all. Sometimes you’re too full for your own britches. Maybe Queen of the cylinders does need to spin you around a little more often. Sorry, sorry, just kidding.

Ok, as head honcho here, I’ll be the tiebreaker.

Hmmm, let’s see. Babies? Outhouse? Well, I have to say, I love the outhouse idea. It’s too funny and I can picture it now. So, outhouse it is. Sorry, fellow cylinders, but the vote is in and it’s final. Any parting words for your head honcho?

Parting Words

Yes, yes! Baby shower wrap here. Head honcho, you run a great meeting. Mr. & Mrs. Bounty here, ditto, head honcho. Well done.

Gift wrapping gang? Any parting words?

Yes, yes, Baby Huey, Baby Cakes and Pat-a-Cake here. We didn’t even get to vote, so all we have to say is waaaaaaaaaaaa! Your meeting was fixed!!! Just wait till we grow up into Graduation wrap! In the meantime, we hope the Queen of the cylinders wipes you out, if you get our drift. Hahahaha!

In Conclusion

Enter Queen of the cylinders.

Oh, no wonder I couldn’t find you guys. Hangin out with the Scott tissue bunch, again! I’m not surprised really, I’ve always known you guys were partial to brown-nosers, uh, I mean brown, oh, you know what I’m saying!

Well, we’ll see what tune you guys will be singin when I make the big switch, and it won’t be pretty. Let’s see, there’s the Viva crowd, the Northern Cloud bunch, oh yes, and the Designer Gift Wrap crew!

Hahahaha! Lesson? Don’t mess with the Queen of the cylinders!