How to reduce number of divorces?

Divorce is tough, but avoidable in my opinion. I think that one of the main problems in marriages is the lackof communication. Husbands and wives are too busy to take the time to talk to each other about what they are feeling. They may think that their spouse will not understand their point of view or there is an unwillingness to listen and understand.

I have been through divorce twice, and in my first marriage, this was the problem. I did, however try to talk to my husband about how I felt, but he was not willing to talk things out with me. He would just look at it as nagging. I did not yell. I did not boss. I simply stated how I felt. He chose not to be understanding. I stayed in the marriage and tried to work things out, but eventually he realized that neither of us were really happy and he left.

Another problem that I have experienced is dshonesty. That was the problem with my secong marriage, and I am ashamed to say that I started it. I rebounded after my first husband with my best friend. Big mistake!!! I tried to convince myself that I loved him. Unfortunatly I did a better job at convining him than I did myself. We dated for six months and lived together for two years before we got married. I realized just a few weeks after living together that I was not ready for that relationship, but I did not end it. I was ashamed because I felt that I put him in a position that I shouldn't have. I shoud have been honest with him. I should have told him that I was not in love with him and that I was sure that we would not last. I even met a man that I felt an instant affection towardsduring our courtship, but I tried to stay in the relationship with my friend because I felt that I would be perceived as a bad person if didn't.

That brings me to yet another topic, selfishness, There are a lot of people that are getting married for selfish reasons: money, security, position, name.... I could go on for a while. I was selfish with my second husband in that I knew that I was not in love with him, but I was worried about how others would look at me for dumping him instead of worrying about our indivual happiness. I was only worrie about mine. If peolpe would be honest about what they want, how they feel, and what they expect out of a marriage then the divorce rate would decrease.

Tips of staying together:

• communicate, communicate,
• don't just talk, listen as well
• be understanding
• be willing to compromise
• be honest (ex. if you're mad say you're mad)
• don't be selfish
• seek professional help if necessary

These are just my take on things. I do not have degree or anything on the subject, but I do have a little experience. I have made these classic mistakes and have found that they could have ended differently if I(or my spouse) had chosen to follow at least a little of the advice that I am leaving in this blog.

Thanks for reading!!