My intention here is not to try and teach leadership (I am hardly qualified), but to convey my own passion for it, provide real life examples, and hopefully you will see the value in it as I do, such that you will be motivated to seek out the knowledge yourself.

Leadership is a choice. You have to choose to become a better person, to make an impact in your family, your friends, your job, and eventually society. You have to want change. That's all it takes really, because everything in leadership can be learned. You don't have to be born with natural leadership abililties(though some people are), or have some kind of degree. You only need the hunger. Seek and you shall find... Anyone interested in truly immersing themselves in leadership and seeking out the tools to do so can click on these links. You don't need permission.

You do, however, need to keep an open mind. You must be open to learning new things. Lots of new things. Keep in mind that for most of us, up until this point, what we've learned hasn't helped to hone our leadership skills or bring us the success we desire. They don't teach this stuff in High School (not on purpose anyway). And even if they did, you probably aren't ready for it then.

People often refer to high school kids as "young adults," but truthfully, most high school kids are just that. KIDS. And these kids aren't ready to do what is neccessary to realize their potential and achieve great success. They haven't the education or the motivation. Their biggest priority is getting to the next party. And, we've virtually set them all up for failure, what with all we've done to the economy and the environment. We've done society a HUGE disservice with our misguided youth. And that's the main reason for anyone to be involved in leadership. We owe it to ourselves to empower the next generation, to equip them to handle the problems we've made for them.

All of their lives, what are kids taught? "Respect your elders" and "Listen to adults." But what happens when the adults are bad people or are setting bad examples? Take a look around you, that's what happens. Look how many billions of dollars are being taken from education vs. the billions of dollars given to prisons. Two words for that; vicious cycle. But I digress, this isn't a political piece.

The bottom line is this; there are people in our life who need us to be better people and better leaders, whether we realize it or not.

As a fairly "new" father of identical twin girls (they are now 15 months old), and also a "new" (read: dazed and confused) husband, I find that our involvement in a leadership development program (the details of which I will not get into here), has been a godsend. My life, and my view on life, has been forever changed for the better. Leadership has taught me so many things about myself, and opened my eyes to a new, better way of thinking, so that i've actually learned to think of myself less. I have also learned that when you have good information that is beneficial to the masses, you should share it.

We should teach everything we know to everyone who wants to learn. You can't keep it all to yourself for fear of someone else becoming "better" than you. In fact, we should be striving for this. I don't want people to be dependant on me my whole life(or theirs). By empowering every person to lead themselves, I can take myself out of the picture, and focus my energy on other things, like hobbies, goals, and dreams. I believe they call this "retirement."

I am essentially striving to share success in life, which if you think about it, makes total sense and we should all be doing it. Life should not be a competition based model. It should be a win-win situation. It's abundance thinking vs. scarcity thinking. And trust me, there is plenty of success and happiness to go around, so there's no need to try and hoard it all for ourselves. We just need to become aware of it. WE HAVE TO CHANGE THE WAY WE THINK.

I would highly suggest to anyone interested in leadership or personal growth or just success in life, to read some of the recommended books. They have had a huge impact on my life, marriage, and future. I'm sure the information in these books can help everyone at least to some degree, if they are open to change. All it takes is the vision and a desire for more out of life. And it doesn't matter how old you are or what point you're at in life, it only matters that you begin. It's never too late to start becoming a better person.

Leadership starts with me. John Maxwell says that "Leadership is influence..." So naturally I want to have a positive influence. We live in a day and age where there simply aren't enough positive role models setting good examples for people (especially children) to follow.

Everyone is looking around for the next leader to emerge to fix problems and guide the people, but no one wants to be accountable for what's happening in their own households. Well guess what? My children aren't watching the President, and they're not expecting guidance from the Governor (good thing, too). Their teachers certainly aren't equipped to handle them, and i'll be damned if I let the neighbors raise my children. My children are looking to ME. I know I have to become a better person; a better husband, father, son, brother, neighbor and friend, so I can be a better parent, and start leading by example.

So how do I go about this change? Where does my leadership journey begin? Well, for me, it starts with people skills.

SMILE!

Interpersonal skills are vital to every day interactions between human beings. My people skills determine the results I get, the impressions I make, and the relationships I build with every person I come in contact with.

I've learned to put myself in other people's shoes and ask myself, "How am I coming off to this person right now?" It's important to try and see yourself through the other person's eyes. How do people feel after our interaction? Do they trust me? Am I relatable? Do I have their best interest in mind? What kind of impact did I make? How will I be remembered?

SMILE!

It is also important to know your own personality type as well as other peoples. Understanding what motivates people (in a positive or negative way), is crucial to influencing their reactions. This is really helpful to me when dealing with my daughters. I tend to talk very bluntly sometimes and sound very impatient, which they do NOT react well to, so I have to be careful to watch my tone when I speak, as well as my facial expressions(this is a work in progress). This is especially helpful if the person's love language happens to be "words of affirmation" (I'll get into the love languages in my next blog). Here's something I learned:

Communication comes down to 3 things, broken down as follows:

WORDS - 7%

TONE - 38%

NON-VERBAL - 55% (SMILE!)

You see here that non-verbal makes up over half of all communication. In order for you to come across as sincere, all three things, your words, tone, and non-verbal, have to match. For instance, if I smile, look you in the eye, shake your hand and say, "Hi! I'm John, it's a pleasure to meet you!", for the most part, i'm going to come across as genuinely interested in meeting you.

But if I do all of those things except look you in the eye, and instead am looking intently at something or someone behind you, you wouldn't believe me for one second!

Imagine me saying "HI! Pleasure to meet you!", and looking right past you!

I would just be going through the motions. There is a huge impact on the impression made when my words, tone, and non-verbal don't match, and most people tend to believe the non-verbal, which in this last example is that I am not interested in you at all, and i'm rude and selfish.

You can see how the non-verbal communication can be very important to the interaction. It can show your intent, and inadvertently, your character(or lack thereof). Joey here, is obviously not interested in how anyone is "doin." And in spite of the fact that he is indeed smiling, he obviously has a hidden agenda and is only focused on his own best interest, instead of the person he is talking to. This brings us to the next "skill" to focus on.

We have to learn to show a real interest in the people we are talking to, be it family, friends or strangers. This is much easier said than done, and I would suggest taking it gradually. I would start with the people you interact with on a daily basis first, then work your way up to those people I refer to as "familiar strangers," such as the checker at the neighborhood grocery store, or the teller(s) at your bank, people who you see often but know very little about. I've learned the easiest way to be a certain way is to act a certain way. If I want to be genuinely interested in people, I have to act genuinely interested in people. This is relatively simple.

People love to talk about themselves. Asking things like "How's work?" or "How's business?" will open up the flood gates. Then continue with things like "How long have you been working here?" and "How did you become a ____ ?" If I'm asking the right questions, the other person should be doing most of the talking, and they'll love me for it. They'll think, "I really enjoy being around this person, he/she' s a great conversationalist" even though I've hardly talked at all.

Pay attention to what the other person is saying. Look them in the eye. Respond with comments like "Really? Why is that?" or "Interesting. How does that work?" Reiterate the point if you feel it neccessary (for you, or the other person) Saying something like, "So, what you're saying is... because..." makes the other person feel like you really understand them. And you actually do.

Take time to really get their point of view, don't just wait for your turn to talk. People will remember you as being "that really cool person" or "easy to be around." You'll have left a lasting impression and it will usually come back ten fold. All good leaders are good listeners.

A person's name to them is like a beautiful melody. Sing it often. Remember it! Always say it at the end of the conversation. "Okay ____, have a great day. I'll see you later!" You will be surprised what a huge effect this has on people, AND their impression of you.

I have the worst time with this. I will forget peoples names as soon as they say it. Mostly, it's because i'm thinking of what I want to say or ask next, or I'm too busy focusing on the situation or what's going on around me, and not on them. Like I mentioned earlier, I am a work in progress.

So there you have it, just a few (i've hardly scratched the surface!) examples of how people skills are an integral part of leadership, and how my growth in leadership will lead to success in dealing with people, and ultimately, in all areas of my life. Ofcourse, there are so many other things that come into play, such as personality types and social styles, all of which falls under the umbrella of leadership.

It would take a thousand blogs to cover every aspect of leadership, and there are already thousands of books in print, so I will spare you the long winded memoirs of an aspiring leadership student. Besides, you'll be much better off reading the books yourself. I've put up links to some of my favorites, as well as some of the best ones I know of (as they apply to this particular blog, dealing with people skills).

I would also like to stress that it is one thing to gain the knowledge, but an entirely different thing to apply it. So get out there and try it! Start asking questions, listening, and remembering names. Be the example! And no matter how hard it is or how much it might hurt, SMILE!