Let's be honest - we never end a relationship because it was good. Either one person, the other, or both percieves the relationship or something about it as being negative in some fashion. Otherwise, why end it? This is only logical. However, ending a relationship always has its share of stress and disappointment. But, we can't stay down forever. Just like that time when you were a kid and you fell off your bike and skinned you knee, you gotta get up, put a band-aid on and try it again.

The only logical way to start something like this is at the beginning, which also happens to be the end. The end of the first relationship. It's bad. Real bad. Maybe you simply can't get along, you're fighting constantly, you simply hate being around your partner. Maybe its worse than that. Maybe there is abuse of some variety involved. Whatever the case, you have to carefully weigh your options. Make a "pro" and "con" list. Talk to your best friends. Write in your journal. However it is that you think and make a decision, do it. Let's say at this point that you decide that it is in your best interest to end the relationship. That's step one, congratulations.

Step two - making your partner aware. News flash - odds are pretty good that your partner is not psychic, so don't expect that he or she will magically know what it is that you want. Be direct, but be gentle. Use the "golden rule" - think about how you want to be treated, and treat your partner the same way. Just because you don't want to be with the person anymore doesn't mean you get to treat them like trash. There are of course extenuating circumstances such as an abusive or possessive relationship that require a different course of action, but for the sake of argument, let's say that this is just your garden-variety break up.

Step three - Now you're single! Enjoy it! Hit the bars, the clubs, the coffee shop, whatever it is that you do for fun. Don't rush right out in an attempt to find the next "Mr.-or-Mrs.-Right". There's nothing wrong with finding "Mr.-or-Ms.-Right-Now" however, if that's up your alley. In any case, don't rush out into a brand new relationship. You need time to heal emotionally. Generally speaking, the length of the relationship is directly connected to the length of time required to heal. (There will be exceptions to this rule of course, far be it from me to judge anyone.) It is normal to be lonely, to second-guess yourself and your choice to leave your partner. Anytime you start feeling this way, dig out that old pro/con list, go out with that friend and have him/her remind you why you broke up with your partner in the first place. Find a way to remind yourself of your reasons and stand behind your decision! Pull out that carton of Ben and Jerry's and a big 'ol spoon and watch a chick flick and cry your broken little heart out! It's okay, and it WILL get better.

Step four - okay, you've had your fun being single and somewhere along the way you have found that person that makes you want to try the relationship scene again. Refer back to step one - use whatever you usually use to help you think clearly. Be sure that the person embodies the qualities that are important to you in a person that you will be romantically involved with. Be sure that you're not simply trying to fill a void, or replace your former partner. Remember once again that you left that person for good reason, so why would you try to replace him or her? Another good thing to keep in mind here is this - you were born as one person, so be sure that you are capable of feeling "whole" and "complete" as one person. No one can do that for you. No one can love you until you love yourself. Also remember step two here - odds are good that this partner is no more psychic than the last one, so be sure you communicate clearly what it is that you want and expect from the relationship and the person. Communication is key in any relationship, so start the ball off on the right foot with clear, concise communication.

Step five - enjoy! But, don't think that everything is going to be fun and games all the time. As with anything that is worth having, a relationship takes work! There WILL be arguments and disagreements. Be sure that during these times you continue to use good communication, and "fight nice".

There is a right and WRONG way to argue. As corny as it sounds, "I statements" really do work and help to cool down even the worst tempers. Can't talk about it calmly right now? No problem. Communicate that to your partner, then take a walk, go for a run, smoke a cigarette, lift weights, whatever gets your head right. Talk about your problems at a later time. Cooler tempers mean less of a chance of escalation, and therefore higher chance of success in resolving the issue at hand.

Sometimes no matter how much time you take to cool down, you still can't "talk" about a certain subject. Maybe it's just too near and dear to you - a very sensitive subject. Try writing down how you feel. It allows you time to say everything that you feel the need to say without interruption, and it gives you the chance to change or re-word your statements before your partner sees it.

Yes, breaking up is hard to do, and it really sucks.  But, try to cast a positive light on it.  It's not the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new and better chapter, in which you are the protagonist!  Like the death card in tarot, the end is never the end, it is always the beginning.  Re-introduce yourself to yourself.  Learn to enjoy yourself again.  Spend time with you and those that mean the most to you.  Ease into a new relationship only if and when YOU are ready, and do so like you would ease into the coldest pool....one tippy-toe at a time!