Twitter has now been a global phenomenon for two years, emerging as a success back in 2007 at the South by South West festival in Texas. Two years seems to be a fair amount of time to give something before critically evaluating its contribution to its contextualised sector. So, what has Twitter done for the realms of communication and new media? In my opinion, sod all.

I have a very ambivalent attitude towards twitter. Most successful and forward thinking businesses are utilising the micro-blogging site to harness increased marketing presence and ability, so it must be providing some successful service. I just can’t really get my head around how the situation would look for these businesses without twitter. My initial gut feeling is probably not very different. I find it difficult to believe that the data sale of “twitterers” (or “Twits”) to businesses who in turn provide business information in 140 characters to said twits actually yields much benefit for these businesses. What bemuses me the most is how do you actually say anything significant in 140 characters?! I found it one of the most frustrating experiences having to disseminate industry news in my old job via twitter, having to delete spaces, abbreviate words – in fact twitter is single handily contributing to a lack of grammatical acumen on the web (parallels text discourse which is the absolute bane of my life-if you mean “to” or “too” then don’t write “2” you pleb).

However, not for a want of sounding like a grumpy old man I must admit that there are two positives that have ensued as a consequence of twitter: the first is the phenomena of “tiny urls”. The limitations on characters have provided an opportunity for businesses to deal exclusively with the shortening of urls, which is a good thing; for new media and web 2.0 are all about creativity, opportunity, and constant/perpetual evolution, and I have no doubt that long after twitter has been buried deep under its tech-tombstone or remediated into another function or form then sites such as tiny url will evolve into another service, or provide a similar service for either an improved new media applet or an equally useless one. Either way such sites exist, compete and provide a service that is a means to an end, and end that we may hope- for the sake of technology and new media -will be perpetually in flux.

The second positive concerns its use as a tool of political mobilisation, and as much as I despise twitter I must acquiesce that its contributions to the “revolutions” in Georgia and Iran have been impressive. And I admit that we always must take the bitter with the sweet (or take the bitter with the tweet), and in this case I take my hat off to its application as a tool that furthers mankind in some way or another (but just think what might have been possible in Iran were they able to write a paragraph rather than a sentence...).

Now, to my major qualm with twitter – beyond my doubts of its efficiency: It fuels a dangerous sense of narcissism in our society. The sole purpose of twitter is to communicate “what you are doing now”. Now, unless twitter was an intra business instant messaging service that allowed staff members to acquire information on projects/portfolios/processes etc, then no one cares what you are doing now! Why should I care that Andy85 “is wondering why chick peas are called chick peas”, or why GemmaBotkins “thinks that guy from Lost is sooooooooooo cute”. Clifford Gertz once wrote that the role of anthropology was to contribute to the totality of human discourse; an inspiring remark about contributing to all the things great and significant said. In this respect twits’ tweets should be separated, and vaulted in the realm of the forgotten and unforgiven for contributing a world of useless dribble to Gertz’s concept of a total human discourse.

Even more frustrating than the average-Joe twit is the celebrity twit. Now let me establish that we already live in a hyper-voyeuristic society that is unhealthily and unequivocally obsessed with celebrity culture and celebrity lifestyle. As if OK Magazine, Heat Magazine, Cosmopolitan and the like weren’t enough of a celebrity onslaught into our private lives we now have many of these idiotic celebrities sat behind their macbooks (because a-they can afford them; and b-they look cool) in airports as they board their private jet tweeting about what they just sh@ out in the john. We’ve got thousands of people following Shaq or Noel Gallagher – For What!? All it serves to do is firmly marinate these already unbearably arrogant celebrities in their own ego for a lot longer than is necessary. It fuels this culture of an obsession with people in the lime-light, that they somehow are so important and significant we find ourselves hypnotised by their pipe-playing as they waltz through Hamlin collecting a following of alienated children (NOTE: reference to the fairy tale, not calling celebrities paedos so don’t bother trying to sue me). Pathetic.

My only hope is that Google will buy twitter (as has been rumoured) dismantle it, and utilise its principle for something greater and more significant. For all you twits out there I mean no (real) offence, this is my opinion and I’m sure you think I’m a tool anyway. But at least I can say what I want in 900 words and don’t have to call myself a “follower” of anyone....

Thanks for reading.

PS: Verdict- Not to Twitter.