1. To quote Alice Walker; "expect nothing, live frugally on suprise" Under no circumstance should you attend one of these events expecting to meet your soul mate. I am not saying it is impossible but you cannot spend the week before the event day dreaming about the cute pet names you'll have for each other. Desperation is not sexy!

2. Arrive on time! There is no such thing as being fashionably late to a pre-date. You don't have to camp outside that venue 12 hours in advance like its a half yearly sale but punctuality is of the essence.Trust me, I am usually an hour late for everything so when I say be on time...BE ON TIME!

3. If it is a legitimate speed dating event, the organizers will have you select from a list of participants the ones you would like to see again. If the interest is mutual the organizers (not you) will exchange information. This takes alot of the awkwardness out of the end of your 8 minutes. If you are attending a less formal event you may have to handle the exchange yourself, so bring business cards. Actually I would like to digress for a minute on this topic...not to be a snob but everyone over the age of 28 ought to have business cards, even if you are a barista at Starbucks. Here's why, you never know when you will run into someone fascinating and want to provide them with your contact information. Plus you can get 250 business cards absolutely free online. I mean really pulling out your cellie to get someone's number...not cute! But that's just me. There were several guys at this event who came sans business card and they felt pretty crust at the end of the night when they had to scramble for pen and paper to write down their contact info.

4. Spend some time before the event thinking about some interesting questions you might like to ask. Biggie Smalls said it best; "Who they attracting with that line what's your name? what's your sign?". That only worked in the 80's, people, and then everybody was busy getting busy! Some other questions that are not conversation starters

• What's you're favorite color?
• Come here often?
• What do you do for a living?
• Do you have kids?
• What's your mother's maiden name? (Identity theft alert!)

The problem with these questions other than my running comments is that they can be answered in one word and then you are back to the drawing board. You really want to engage the other person so you have to ask open ended questions like:

• So how did you find out about this event?
• So what led to choose your current line of work?
• Are you originally from this area:

If no: Where are you from and what brought you out here? (this a guaranteed conversation starter)

If yes: Have you ever lived/ travelled anywhere outside this area?

If no: I would immediately start looking for various exit strategies but you might like that so rock on!

My favorite question is "If we were to go out on a second date but you only had $20 to spend what would we do?"

I like this question because it does what we in telemarketing (a past life) like to call assuming the sale. It basically says so I know I am so all that and you will be taking me out again and paying ;). SO it makes you look confident but not a gold digger. And then you get to see how creative your guy can be because $20 does not go far in the Bay Area.

5. What not to talk about. These are some topics that will send people running for their life and should only be deployed if you sense stalker tendencies in your date. (Don't worry - I will describe those tendencies in another tip)

Your baby-daddy (baby-mama) particularly if they are the deadbeat, ne'er do well varietal. The last thing anybody wants to think about when they are considering getting to know you better is all the excess baggage that you are going to come with. We ALL have excess baggage but there is no need to flaunt it. Particularly if you are really trying to upgrade.

Your kids (for the same reason)...I know, I know, your kid is cute as a button and you are a package deal. And who wouldn't want you both I mean look at you you're awesome! Yes, you may want to mention this so the person can know all of what they are getting into if they decide to pursue you but please don't pull out photos and such. You have to allow this person to get to know you...and you only have 8 minutes!

Your annoying co-worker, micro managing boss and other work woes. It's hard to be upbeat and positive when you are complaining. Plus you are giving this person an opportunity to see exactly what you will look like 3 months from now if the two of you start dating and you get into a whiny mood. Not a good visual.

The weird rash that you haven't been able to shake, burning sensations or other health problems. First of all eww! Second of all, this whole dating thing on some level is about getting our genes out into the world. This is survival of the fittest! Please don't go around advertising the inferiority of your genes.

6. Staking out the stalkers. Before I launch into my wealth of advice in this regard I must say that every so often two people do meet on a chance encounter who are absolutely soul mates and as a result have an instant familiarity or bond with each other. And that's all good! The key here is that neither of the people involved is distinctly creeped out by the other. Get it! Good

So here are some behaviors that should send up red flags:

Body language: Not making eye contact (give some allowance for the person being shy) but if they are generally shifty and talk to a spot on the wall directly behind you this could be a problem.

Lack of social network: Left to our own devices we humans develop disturbing habits becuase no one is around to call us on our shit. So if the person across from you keeps mentioning that this is the first time they have been out in ages and identify their favorite pastimes as surfing the internet, playing tetris, watching old movies, consider them suspect until they can produce one friend that can vouch for them. (Two friends if they also mention that they work from home)

No personal space: Okay so some cultures are more touchy-feely than others and when you've grown up living 5 kids to a room or sharing taxi-cabs with random strangers its hard to conceptualize personal space. However, if a person keeps touching you more than you are comfortable with and you use specific body language to defuse the situation and they still persist you have found a persona non grata who either doesn't get or respect boundaries and you should tread with caution.

Possessiveness: If your 8 minutes are up and they keep saying things like "I don't want this conversation to end; why don't we just leave now?" If you are feeling them, cool, but if not, be wary. Men especially love having options so if a man is willing to forfeit the opportunity to meet other women either you really are the bomb in which case congratulations or he's got some issues, soon to be your issues if you aren't careful.

7. What not to wear: Dressing tastefully is always a good idea. These event are usually in the early evening so many people come straight from work making it de facto business casual. However if you do have the luxury of going home to change ladies please make it a "girls night in". Unless you have a self esteem of zero, you will be annoyed if men spend the entire evening talking at your chest but honestly can you blame them...you put them on display to be stared at, right? Men, please wear clean, wrinkle free clothing. We all know that women tend to love projects but really have some self respect.

8.Dont drink and drive: Alcohol is a social lubricant and of course a little taste is great for calming the nerves. But pace yourself, this is not the venue for getting so drunk you don't remember what you said and did when you wake up in some stranger's bed the next morning. Okay?

9. Romance doesn't have to be the only objective: Don't rule out the possibility of meeting some great activities partners (whether male or female). Chances are the people who are adventurous enough to be speed dating will be down to try other fun cool things. So please refrain from viewing the other same-sex participants as competition.

10. Relax! It's only dating: so have fun!

Njoke: Okay so my little speed dating event was organized by a bunch of down to earth, successful and socially active professional black women. The night before the event about 40 people had registered.

Success! Seems like.

However when I arrived there was a notable absence of men. Yes we had made sure to maintain gender balance in our registration process but for some reason the men decided to be fashionably late. Well I'll tell you it made for an awkward 30 minutes because all 15 of the women who were there on time ready to find their future mister were being pleasant enough but deep down I knew it might come to blows if everyone did not get the 8 dates we promised.

One unfortunate side effect of the men's tardiness is we were forced to organize the event so the men remained seated and the women moving from table to table. Bad idea...because it simulated a bit too closely what the bar scene has become for many of these women. So few men that the women have become the hunters and not the hunted.

For the men's part they seemed a bit overwhelmed by this embarrassment of riches. There definitely weren't any desperate acting men in attendance. If anything the men seemed a bit aloof. Perhaps they were really looky-loos at heart...they had wanted to see what this speed dating was all about and hadn't expected that there would be such a variety of eligible bachelorettes available. When I had my turn, a few of the guys admitted to me that they had never heard of speed dating before and had been reluctant to attend.

An informal poll following the event found that most of the men enjoyed it but felt the concept of an 8 minute date was far too business-like for their liking. A few people had the nerve to suggest that there weren't enough "hot" women in attendance (present company excepted OF COURSE). And though I disagreed strenuously it is a fact that there is no accounting for tastes.

I consider myself to be on the cutting edge of the dating technology. Back when you had to submit a written ad to the San Francisco Chronicle, I was a senior in college but my roommate and I were the adventurous sort. When dating went online I followed.

Now, scientist have determined that all you really need is 8 solid minutes to determine if someone is datable and I am all over it.

Unfortunately many of my friends have been skeptical about the concept of speed dating. These same people have no problem giving their number to someone they had to yell to communicate with in a crowded bar after one too many mojitos, but I digress.

I really like the concept of speed dating for the simple reason that it provides a much needed context for the wonderful but potentially frustrating dance that is the first conversation. In my experience the first conversation has taken place at a variety of locations, some of them absolutely inappropriate for a pick-up (like waiting in line at your local McDonald's) some others a bit more socially acceptable (in the club). Most of the times men try to strike up these conversations with me when I am on my way to something of greater importance and then get upset when I decline to linger and exchange pleasantries. I mean what kind of life would I live if I stopped to chat with every guy that liked my smile. Worse yet is being cornered in a club or bar by someone that you are not interested in who displays no intentions of letting up until you are walking down the aisle! yikes!

So speeding removes all of those inconvenience and uncertainties. Everyone gets 8 minutes for a date...no one can buttonhole you and you have a pretty good reasonable opportunity to believe that the person you are speaking with is single and looking for some level of companionship. Am I right or am I right!

It's not because I am greedy. I only need one man...but finding him has been a problem. Even though I consider myself to be something of a catch...let's see: beautiful, smart, loving, kind, not psycho and most important have my own life, read interests and friends, and a career I love....I mean people the guys should be beating a path my door. Yet, if it weren't for my girls, and my wonderful friend Jason, my social life might look something like the picture to the right.

I have dicussed on another Hub my theories about the imbalance in the availability of eligible professional black men for professional black women so I am not going to get on that soap box again. Some people disagree that there is a crisis and they are entitled to their opinion. So let me just say this once, before the comments start rolling in! Yes professional black women would not be sitting on the shelf if they widened their dating pool beyond black men. I personally date all races but I LOVES me some black men so my fantasies of romantic bliss center around a 6 foot, 200 lb hunk of dark chocolate man candy. That's just the way it is. DEAL!