Popular phrases or expressions come and go. Referring to something as "awesome" was popular in the 80s and has now had a comeback. "Lowest hanging fruit" is current corporate speak. Over time, PowerPoint has become a "deck" and emailing has become "pinging." "A minute" has become an expression for a bit of time (and my personal hope is that this experssion will lose ground quickly, as it is annoying).

We reassure each other with "no worries" and we reassure ourselves with "no regrets." As someone who can overanalyze anything, it often fascinates me to hear people sum up their pasts with "No regrets."

Is it really possible to have no regrets, I wonder? Seriously, what do people mean by that? Do they mean they are fine with all of the choices they have made, even the bad ones? Do they not ever consider having done things differently?

Upon further thought on this subject, I tasked myself to try to understand what people mean when they use this expression no regrets. First of all, it was helpful to define a "regret."

According to www.dictionary.com, the noun regret is:

• a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.
• a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.

Next, with a bit of hot tea - although a strong drink may have worked better for this exercise - I conducted a bit of self-examination through the lens of regrets. Can I honestly say that I have no regrets about my past, or choices and actions from the past that have impacted my present? Can I look you ,or someone else, in the eye and say that I have no sorrow over things I have done, no real disappointments, no feelngs of guilt or remorse?

Well, within about 10 minutes, I jotted down multiple regrets. I could think of countless selfish decisions I had made that had hurt others. And, a blur of nights - well years to be realistic - that I unwisely spent my weekend nights out drinking and smoking and teling bar stories, and the like.

I shudder to think of the quick tongue I had, with or without alcohol, that spurted out words that made others laugh wildly, but often at someone else's expense. Even worse, it is not so pleasant to recall the many people who were just pawns in my getting something I wanted, or in entertaining me for a few minutes until someone more interesting came along.

You may think by this description that I was either a really manipulative person during that time, or one who is too hard on herself now, but I beg to say neither is the case. Basically, the things I regret, in varying degrees, are part of the human condition.

While some do not admit it, even to themselves, we all do things that are hurtful to others. We all reject some people, and get rejected in return.

We all have nasty thoughts toward others some of the time. We all experience moments of self-hatred or self-doubt, and even worse, strong resentment toward others - even our loved ones. We all tell lies on occasion, and some of them may be really big.

We all at times lack the courage to do the right thing, or the wisdom to make sound decisions. We have all had instances in which we were hypocrites as we proclaimed to believe something but then acted in a way that was not consistent with that belief.

While I am not trying to paint a picture of doom and gloom, nor am I trying to point out the faults of others, I guess the reality for me is that I do have regrets. There are many things that would have been great to have done differently, and many people to whom I wish I could offer a brief apology.

The one thing that is a saving grace, though, is that we can do things differently today and tomorrow, and we can learn from our past mistakes. But, unless we hold ourselves accountable for some of our missteps of the past, and thus experience the feeling of remorse or regret around them, we cannot truly commit to changing our ways in the future.

So, to quote Frank Sinatra:"Regrets, Ive had a few," but I am still learning from them and hopefully can use those bumps in the road to be a better and more giving person in the days to come. And, for all of those people who have "no regrets" about the past, perhaps they mean something different by the expression - or perhaps they truly feel they would not have done things differently.

Who knows, but as for me, thank goodness I have been able to get a bit of clarity around some of my regrets. Guess we really do live, and we hopefully do learn.