No such thing as love?
88I don't believe in it anymore. It is just something I read about and felt for or wanted. Doesn't exist! I hear that it does but can't seem to get close enough to it to really know it. Something is always standing in the way of love. You can't communicate, you don't get attention. You feel like the other person or persons are looking at someone other than yourself.
What seems to be the question on my mind. From my point of view I think I am a pretty decent person. I think I have a lot of qualities, which people comment on so I know that I must have something right? Or are they just looking at what is on the outside? From the outside, I don't think I am an ugly looking person. I think I look weird, but not any weirder than most. Everyone looks a little different, of course some look remarkably close to others.
They say men look for a brain too. I think I have one of those. I read, I study I try to understand things, to really know things for what they are. I answer a lot of Jeopardy questions. I can't spell for much, but at least it's readable.
They say guys need thier space. I think I give plenty of space. I don't require a guy to stay by my side 24/7. I don't think we should have to attend every function together. I don't believe making decisions for someone else. I give plenty of space. They say a girl should be able to cook. Call me Che'z Sande'.
You know what I want? I want a friend. You know, like the kind you grow up with. My best friend was a guy. We said we would marry each other if we didn't find anyone by the time we turned thirty.
Well he found someone and he is happily married with children now making money and living his life. I, on the other hand haven't even found a true friend yet. I mean, a friend as a boyfriend. By now all my fans know that I enjoy the company of a man over a women. So, I am not talking about a man just to do it with. I want someone I can hang out with.
So why when a relationship turns from friendship to companionship does it go sour? Suddenly you aren't talking or hanging out anymore. I think romance is nice, but I think a friend is better. Romance is what you do when you feel like showing someone their special. Hanging out is what you do when you know that that person knows who you are and values your company.
I wouldn't say I complain to much. Obviously this can't be the case since they never seem to stick around long enough for you to tell them what is on your mind anyways. So what would be the point of complaining to someone who isn't going to hear you anyways?
Yeah, I am feeling pretty bent right now. I must be stupid. I met a guy, we talked and hung out a lot. I really enjoyed it and really got to know him, so I thought anyways. He aint a bad guy or anything like that, but somehow I feel like I was just a game. If you can get the untouchable, then you know you can get anything. Is it something like that?
I am not using the term untouchable to indicate that my standards are so high, no one is good enough. I mean it like, I want to know who I am getting involved with before I get involved with them. Then after you do and think it is going pretty good, you move on to romance and after a couple of months you don't even talk to each other anymore really.
It's like they forget you are a human with feelings and attachments, they forget the things you told them about yourself. They don't do those things that they said they would do, which include the greatest line ever, "I would never hurt you." So the story goes, your feeling pretty hurt that your friend no longer invites you out, hangs out just to hang out, or has lots of other things to do all the time, and all the time you get with him is a couple hours at night, not even saying much to each other, but they turn to you and look you in the eyes and tell you that they love you.
That aint love. They tell you, you are the most beautiful thing or how amazing you are or how lucky they are...all the while your thinking, what? I was thinking that we are not connecting. How can I be those things to you if you don't have enough time to even talk to me. How can I be those things if you are spending more time with your friend Joe or Tommy, or you dog, or fishing or not inviting you to go out?
I wouldn't even know how to address this problem. It is a problem. I still remember my friend and I want my friend and my lover on the same side. Tell me, guys...what is the deal? I find it extremely hard to believe that I can make a man cry when I break it off, if he hasn't been around enough to know who he is crying over.
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Comments
All right. I must have read this 25 times already. Interesting how it works out. But if that is the way it goes, then it is certainly worth trying out.
It's empowering to be that way, it just makes me feel like a bitch. But hey, his dog is getting more attention then me right now, so cheers to bitches! LOL
Harry is exactly right. I couldn't have said it any better.
Also, if I may add my two cents worth: Don't act too needy. Keep an I-Can-Take-It-Or-Leave-It attitude. Nothing bores a man, OR a woman, quicker than someone who worships them, hanging on their every word. You might FEEL that way, but never let them know it... not even when you old and cranky together, rocking (out) on the front porch.
all ready on that one walker! :)
Well, I can say you are very pretty, (internally as well as externally), and if this dog weren't already happily married, and if I were a few years younger, I'd be howling outside your window.
I can't say what men look for, beyond the obvious things already stated here, and I certainly wouldn't hold myself up as a prime example of what men should be like.
However, love can exist beyond sex, (and I need to say I don't believe sex and love have anything in common, although a healthy sex life can often maintain a loving relationship.) And I believe it takes a lot of mutual effort for any couple to discover and then maintain the actions, words and attitudes that make the other happy. It is a two-way street, I guess, and it's often uphill both ways, if you catch my meaning.
Just the same, I have seen people who have created and maintained a deep, loving relationship that has lasted more than 70 years. I have seen people who are just in it for the moment, to get a few kicks and then disappear.
I don't even know how you can tell when love is real and when it's "just a feeling", but I think I have learned that love that really lasts is more than a simple feeling. It's a committment, an attitude, and the willingness to share yourself totally with another person, to, in effect, become one person by blending what you have with that which another person has.
You don't lose anything by finding this deep level of love and trust - if anything, you become more than what you are today, and each day you will become more than you were the previous day.
Sandra,
I strongly agree with the last two paragraphs Chef Jeff wrote above. But The guys are right about being too needy. From reading your articles, I feel like you have a lot of strength and are very capable of surviving any loneliness you may feel from time to time. For sure do not discount yourself for someone who is only looking to score.If it makes you feel like a bitch well you are probably in the wrong company because the right company should make you feel like you are walking on air. It was good for you to vent just the same. Don't be hard on yourself, it will all come together when it is suppose to. C.S.
Thanks for your comments fellow hubbers. It worked yestuday!!!! Didn't even look at him when he walked in. Just kept doing what I was doing, worked like a charm. :) Today I will be keeping myself busy and I didn't even have to be a bitch. :)
You've got the power. Never give it up.
I agree, C. S. Alexis - I always wondered why it's said that being a strong male figure is something to aspire to while being a strong female figure makes one a "bitch". I think women have so much to offer to every aspect of life. To deny anyone the rights basic to every human being is to lessen all our lives.
Just think of how much poorer we would all be if it weren't for women who created new ideas and built new towers and made companies better, and yes, for all those who have been moms and who gave so much to make all their children better citizens.
You are a cool guy Chef!
True love requires no strategy. Love prior to matrimony (or kids) should require very little effort at all. If it does, something is wrong (aka, it ain't "true"). When measuring of time or consciously doling out attention, or affectations of occupation or distraction are required, the chemistry isn't there. The "work" of relationships shouldn't happen until years have passed. At least that's how I see it.
Well I haven't the slightest clue really. I am gonna guess and say, my biggest problem when it comes to relationships doesn't come from me trying to be someone or something I am not, it comes from wanting someone to take me as I am, not what I can do, or how I am defined. I am quark. So, my failures in relationships comes from not being as committed as I should feel to it. (so hint, I think I feel the same as guys when it comes to attention. As my girlfriend put yesturday, "it always seems that when I need the most attention, he can't give it to me, and likewise.
I do have to do that, that requires talking. That is one of those "efforts" I wouldn't think it is quite fair to not tells someone anything and just expect them to know why I act wierd or why somethings are more important that others.
I guess for some guys this is called drama, but to me drama is like when irate chicks stock thier boyfriends ex-girlfriends or scream and stuff.
Anyways, so I thought about that parallel a few times, that it should be effortless, but in my head, any which way you look at it, even in the act of trying to be someone you are not, is a part of someones personality.
I know sometimes I find myself doing something that annoys me when other people do it, so when I do it, I get mad at myself cause I think it is stupid then of course I wonder if it was always my habit and someone else started doing it and I noticed that I don't like it.
Anyways...
Stop thinking and just be. The rest will come when it does.
Shadesbreath, I believe you are on to something. As I look at all my relationships and my marriage of over 30 years, I'm thinking that the most work I've done on any of them was during the last 10 years. It takes no effort to fall in love, but lots of work to stay in love and make it good for both of you. People who say they're together forever and it's no effort, I wonder about them. LOL
We are better now, than we were yesterday, because we try. If you have to work to get the attention of the one you're attracted to, then move on. Beyond a bit of casual flirting, "hey here I am..." it shouldn't require more than that.
Being friendly, flexible, well-groomed, available, quiet enough for the other to speak, it should be enough.
Good luck, but keep your confidence, there's an ocean of opportunity out there. Be happy....
another thought -
Many people find it hard to be a friend, much less a companion for years and years or a lifetime. Many people don't want to do the maintenance a relationship requires...talking, explaining yourself, listening, sharing, not being jealous, wanting good things for the other as much or more than you want them for yourself, being happy for them, and getting enough in return for your own fulfillment, none of that is easy. It's "magic" in the movies...its blood sweat and tears in real life.
Worth it? If it makes you happy more than sad....yes.
True Love is Truely Eternal. It just happens.
That last part is the key, Marisue. Life is not a Disney movie with the ending on an endless loop. Prince Charming ain't just gonna keep showing up every morning to slip that damn slipper on Cinderella's foot again. More happy than sad it how it really works, it's how you know it's real, even if sometimes it only feels like 51/49%. When the hormonal passion and initial wonder wears off, what you really need is someone who will be there when the doo-doo hits the fan. Good times are easy to share, trust that runs doo-doo deep is a lot harder to find.
all i can say is just be yourself, when the time is right you will find the one for you. i found my hubby when i wasnt looking and he wasnt what i thought my "type" was at the time. we have now been married for over 9 years and love each other more every day. the funny thing is we married when we were 18, now 27, and i believe if you both can talk to each other and listen, truly listen then it will work.
All right Shadebreath and Marisue, I see what your saying. At firt I thought Shadesbreath, you were talking about not having to put anything into it. I know about the honeymoon phase as stuff like that, so really what you guys are saying is that if it is more work then not, then it probabaly isn't right, right?
You guys/gals...are great, thanks for your insights. My own mom doesn't have much to offer in the way of love advise, so I consider this just as good. Thanks.
x's
sandy
I believe love is a cruel trick of nature to get us to reproduce.
Jim
ROTFLMAO!!!!! sucker, hahahhaha
I'll try to explain this next part... words will not be enough, but I'll try..
When I found Lynn, I was 25. I had come from a brutual relationship of abuse, and did not trust. As I fell in love with Lynn, I realized something. Sparks aside, as I knew time might cause them to change, something deep and profound became apparent. (Now we ARE a handsome couple..however...ahem)
Here's the deal: I decided, and I could even picture it inside my head....that say something horrible happened to me, such as me being caught in the bowels of Hell, of all people who loved me, of all people who knew me, other than my father...(he'd be beside Lynn in what I'm about to say...) I knew, that if I were stuck in Hell, Lynn would purge the fire, screaming all the way, pluck me from the hands of the Devil, and pull me to the surface - to safety. He is the only one, I knew, would come and get me, no matter what the cost to him. He wouldn't give it a moment's hesitation.
And, years later, he did - he plucked me from the icy sides of a mountain, but that is another HUB.
I guess you could call that love. Do I believe in Love? I believe in deep loving committment - yes, I believe in love.
Years later, Robin Williams starred in a movie about going into Hell to get his wife...since I had conceived that in thinking about our relationship before I married Lynn, it gave me chills. (I'll go look the movie title up...)
The name of the movie was (1998) What Dreams May Come if you haven't seen it...do it's a very good movie about Love and Hell, and Committment. tho it is a bit depressing in some ways...
The question is, would you do the same for him? Then it is the only true love as you describe, when it is mutual.
I was like that with my ex, and she trampled it so badly that I can not fathom to think a woman is worthy of such loyalty,love, dedication, not now, not ever, at least on a personal relationship basis. I am not a woman hater, I have "friends", but that is as far as they go anymore. Just not worth the risk with the attitude of women these days.
Sorry for ranting.
sandra rinck , Yep, I guess I am a sucker.
hey sucker...I mean Jcorkern, are you sure you didn't some how maybe subconsciously convince your ex that that sort of dedication makes men run the other direction?
I mean from what I am understanding here, even just on this hub, guys lose interest in girls who show that sort of committment, it makes us weak and needy or something like that, so whether or not we do or don't, does it really matter?
Out of curiosity, had your ex ever been in a situation with you where her loyalty was tested, or was it a test of fidelity? Maybe there is a difference?
I mean, you have female relationships now (so you lead me to believe) these I take as monogomous, so what would the difference be between them and your ex, other than the "owning" factor?
I hope you come back to this hub cause I am really interested in knowing.
thanks,
sandy
marisue, you are making me jelaous! Stop it, ok do tell some more, I actually love romance. Probabaly my problem.
x's
sandy
fidelity? No, maybe infidelity. This was actualy getting to be habit for her. No, I never tested her, never tried to "find out" but circumstances did test, and during trials (hurricane Katrina).
Yes, these "Friends" are monogomous. It seems that I can have great relationships until I step outside of this, then they seem to lose their minds, cheat, lie, steal ect... And these are women with College degrees (not bar sluts), I know, I paid for one of them.
I have researched the issue, and women just do not want a nice guy, they get abused, and I can't treat a woman bad.
Have you ever seen the PUA shows, videos ect... From the trianing they give when teaching men to pick up women, they actualy teach that if you are "Nice" to women,As I was taught as a child to do, that they seem to lose respect and wander off into the sunset with men that treat them like s***.
I have to say they are right, The man my ex is with not only beats her, but my kids also.
I would rather just be friends, not worth it anymore. You get humiliated, trashed, hurt, robbed of your kids for a preference of a man that will mistreat you.
It is to the point that sex is not worth the risk and a non issue. I would rather keep a friend than go through that crap again.
Now, I am not saying I would Kick Jessica Alba out of bed, but If i truely liked her, it would be a MAJOR no no in my mind, and I would not risk it.
You women wonder why you get treated the way you do. Give yourself a checkup, take a long hard look in the mirror. I have the "Friends" now that tell me they messed over guys that were soooooo nice and perfect, yet they hook up with total a**es.
And women call men crazy???? Friends will work for me, I would rather sane women.
Just to add to it, something I missed, Aren't you sticking it out with one who you are having problems with?
You will stay there as long as he dosen't give you what you claim to need. I just can't treat women like that, If I am with someone, I want them to be an equal, a friend, my best buddy. Not a piece of meat that I have to treat like trash and deprive them to keep them around.
Just can't do that.
Well Sucker, that is some sh**y sh**! Honestly, I think even women come up with the stupidest games to play, and this need, don't need, nice guy ahole bologna, is the worste display of mind games if ever there was one to play on a person who you want to be with.
Sorry your ex sounds like a tramp a stupid one at that for allowing another man to treat your children badly, that is something I would seriously never, ever tolerate.
This is what I think, ill communication. I find that the nice guys aren't doing things for themselves, but losing themselves in an attempt to get the girl. So yes, girls don't generally want the nice guys, and not because we don't want the nice guys, but it is like this...
When a girl dates the nice guy, the nice guy grows a big head, suddenly the market is open and there eyes move to other women. Why this happens I don't know, but this is my experience and one that genuinly hurts while jerks can be a lot of fun and not a lot of hurt can come out of it, however with your ex, and being abused, I would say that her committment to him is not out of loyalty or love, more like fear and lack of self confidence.
Really, you sound like you still have feelings for her and if that is the case, whether you want to just be her friend and help her or repair what was broken, I would pull some crap to get her out of that situation because abuse is never good especially with your kids.
Realistically, your kids will grow up in that enviroment and it will effect the way they chose relationships as well, something to consider if anything for the welfare of your kids. Of course I am not a professional, but I am also not so full of spite that I would allow it thinking it serves her right, cause that aint right.
With the relationship I am in, he doesn't treat me like crap and it is an understanding that I already addressed when we got together that there will be things that we are going to have to work on. I told him he is a diamond in the ruff so don't move too fast, however I ended up having more feelings for him than I originally intended, it's a lot too fast, but I am not willing to give up before I have done what I need to do. Maybe a good arguement is in order, I don't know. I actually haven't been in a love quarell in a while so I want one. lol. It's good to some degree, at least I think so because it will draw out all those nasty hidden things that you don't want to say because you don't want to hurt the other person, but I would rather hear it then let it go and get worse.
I believe girls really do want a nice guy, but nice guys are more dangerous than jerks.
I have helped her more than once, I even relocated her across 4 states once to make sure the kids were safe and away from him. Within 4 months, she had called him and moved back to him, with the kids.
As far as feeling, yes I do, but not like you think. She, as an individual is one of 2 people that I have met that I just plain out do not like.
I am now in the starting stages of a custody battle against her, along with child protection to get the kids out of that situation.
I do not think that he is molesting my daughter, but he has left bruises on the boys.
Personaly, I do not care what happens to her other than for my kids sake, That is their mom, so I wish nothing bad to happen to her for their sake. But I am trying to make sure she has supervised visitation as long as she is with him.
If she leaves him and finds someone who will not abuse them, I would never keep them from her, Hell, I have caused SERIOUS riff's with MY family because of the way I have supported her in the past financialy. But in reality it was for the kids, not her.
This whole ordeal is not because we split up, but rather because of the person she chose as a partner. I wish she would dump that guy, find someone who can keep his hands to himself concerning the kids.
But back to the main issue instead of my issues. I do not think it is the tings they do in the attempt to get the girl, because now that I have the attitude that I do, they are flocking to me, but I really believe that they are because they can not have me "That way". several have come out and told me that they wanted more of a relationship, and most are acting in the same manner as the ones who have verbaly spoken this.
So, in a sense, I am depriving them the chance, and they seem to compete for my attention more. But why should I lay my heart on the table again, so that once they "Have me" they can just crush it?
I truely hope that you get what you want at long as you do what is right. Which is what I think is a major reason for relationship failures these days. Just doing what is right.
Jim
Damn! That is ruff, you know what I am rooting for you and your kids. Sorry life just isn't as good as it could be. I will be prayin' for ya for sure. Stay brave, and single, keep me posted if you will. Really, I feel like I need to know, of course it is none of my business, but I want to know your kids and yourself are all good.
take care, best wishes and God bless,
sandra
I will keep in touch. Hope everything works out for you.
Thanks for the prayers. And I know everything works out in time.
TTYL,
Jim
Sandra,
Men are a weird species. I was scared to death of getting married. I had to break up with a lot of women before I realized that there was nothing wrong with the women... it was me and my committment issues.
@vreccc spoken like a true man. Sandra its not you, its him plain and simple, and I agree with you totally DO NOT CHANGE WHO YOU ARE!!! Especially if YOU like YOU. The right man will too.... or atleast that's the lie I keep telling myself. Basically men are scared of commitment.... and for women we feel like we need to be commited (to a psych ward) in order for us to open up and give all of ourselves to any man. So more power to ya for even searchin'. Me...... I'm ridin' solo, but that's ok because hopefully (I did say hopefully) this will give me time to grow and get to know myself better.
Ciao Bella and chin up!
~It all makes sense until it doesn't
Wow ya okay well i'm not that old but seriously this world is completely fucked that way. No one actually seems to want love. In all honesty i'm just bored as shit sitting here, but whatever you shouldn't change who you are just cause its what some guys wants you to be. Although you probably heard that a thousand times by now. Anyways all that stuff that people say what guys like sorry some of that stuff is nice but jesus not every guy likes that. If we need women to do all that stuff for us wow we are kind of pathetic. Ya in the end though couldn't tell you that there really is love or a happy ending, nice to believe though. What can you do though, so good luck to finding a guy who actually gives 2 shits about who you are. They may be harder to find but i'm sure it will happen sooner or later.
p.s. pardon my swearing
You have gotten some good advice here and some advice I never want to read again, but I think the main thing is to spend a nice amount of time getting to know a person and befriending them instead of finding out their favorite color just happens to be your favorite color and then bedding them. When it comes to love, there are the cynical ones who have turned it into a four letter word and then there are those who have seen so many tearjerkers that every other word they use is love. Real love should only be something that's mutual and something that takes time to develop. I also agree with Pen-n-Pad in the fact that you shouldn't change yourself to attract someone else because when they find out the real you, they're more likely to run.
Yeah, my dad tells me I haven't changed much. My dad likes me. (not like that you sickos lol) He said I shouldn't change either, though he does tell me that I need to stop changing my mind so much. ahhahahahah. :)
hisaxigirrlhoweeryou
What's the deal? Here is the deal. The so called 'modern world' has let man kind live too long. So men have too much time on their hands and too many choices. Get it!? There is love but love is fleeting, just like man kind. It's all relative. Don't take yourself so seriously. And to all you woman out there. STOP BEING SO F-ING HYPERSENSITIVE!!! YOUR RUINING A GOOD THING!!!!
-typical male
Ah, Cmon Sandra! Say it ain't so. Hopefully these last 7 months have treated you better :) But you're right. Guys are generally schmos. Hope he got what he deserved!
Okay Benji, it aint so. :) The last seven months have been really great for me and love does exist. But generally, yip, guys can be schmos. Even so, it never feels good to break someones heart even if there is really nothing to cry about. :)
Hi Sandra you are just lonely.
If you've been hurt then that's one infallible evidence that love exists...
If there is one thing I dislike about men, it's that there is nothing they despise more than a woman who loves them. Think about what that one guy up there said nine months ago: you may worship the ground he walks on, but never let him know it.
Ever.
Think about that: smother and hide your true feelings... ALL YOUR LIFE. Or they'll sneer and find you boring.
No man is happy unless he secretly thinks the woman he's with isn't quite satisfied with him? What kind of sadism is that? For a man only to want you as long as he's sure you aren't TOO happy with him.
They don't want us happy? They don't want to know how we really feel? EVER?
What does that tell you about men, eh? They hate us. I mean, they REALLY hate us.
OMG Einah, who ever this guy is that is doing this to you. If he were standing here in front of me I would kick him in the nuts for you.
I know men can be pigheaded and stupid and not really there at times but if he knocked you up and then left you... errr. Well that is the crap that really pisses me off. What nerve, what a jerk.
I think they do want to know how we really feel but I think you are right about them needing to know they don't have you in the bag but to bag you and then screw you.
I am sorry sweetie. I don't know what to say except that you aren't alone and a lot of guys even feel the same way I do about stuff like this. They are not all bad but when you keep ending up with the wrong ones...
I think that girls like us are attracted to loving the ones who don't know how to be loved and when they crush you like you are nothing... just move on and know that when he/she finds another one and they do it to them... you will have the advantage of telling him to F**K off!
I think we attract what we have not worked out in ourselves. There's a subconscious energy in all of us that makes us gravitate toward another. This good and/or bad energy and our conscious and uncouscious needs draws us to familiar feelings.
In my last relationship, I finally woke up. He wasn't a bad guy, but he couldn't or wouldn't commit, and I finally realized that I was trying to make someone love me, who just didn't. This stemmed from many years ago at the loss of my dear father when I was 15. Something happened on that day. I lost the unconditional love of someone who knew how to love my mother and my sister, and especially me. I wasn't nice to him on the day he died, and I think I subconsciouly held on to feelings of guilt my pain and immaturely created. I also didn't cry at his death; it went deeper than tears.
His death changed the course of my entire life and not in a good way.
I picked men that didn't love me, for I wasn't in touch with myself. I became someone I wasn't and someone I didn't like.
I finally realized that these men never really loved me and I didn't love myself enough, This was the ahha moment -- it was now time love myself whether they did or didn't, and I wasn't going to accept ever again less than what I wanted and what I needed-- real love!
Now one has to define what real love is -- it's not the way Hollywood describes it or lives it out. Can we say we know one person who loves selflessly and freely and has our best interest at heart? But, then this same question is directed toward ourselves. Do we love ourselves, the good with the bad, do we grow each day to become a better person. When you feel you are good enough, then you will only grativate toward men/women who are good enough. No one is perfect, but there are those who want a commitment and those who don't, and the key to everlasting love is to find the one who will commit. In the meantime, don't settle for less, and decide to become the best person you are or want to be. As the saying goes..."life is what happens when making other plans."
If you want real love, the Bible tells you what it is and how to receive it.
Okay, so I'm not even close to being at the age of getting married. I wanna finish college, and work my way up to getting a Ph.D.
But, I understand where you're coming from. don't believe in love. Period. that's it. I just broke up with my best friend, the only one who understands me, and we have conversations in class just by throwing glances and then laughing at the silent joke. But we still go on dates, hold hands at school, he puts his arm around me, and nothing has really changed. I believe that love is an illusion. Like a mirage on the rode. You know when you're driving and you see a puddle, and you're like, "no its a mirage" but then you still see it, so you accept that it really is a puddle. But then you get closer and it vanishes, and you want to slap yourself for giving into the illusion, but then once you've passed it you never think about it again?
I've told people that I love them, but after we broke up, the memories all faded, and I don't even feel the need to be their friend. hmm? Was it a fluke or is love just a word?
I don't know Tzi, but I love your annalogy. :)
I hear you sister!
I used to believe in it. I kept giving it a go. I'm not clingy or demanding or crazy. Hell I even buy my own jewellery. They say you need to love to be loved. Whoever said that was clearly smoking something not tobacco. 'Coz I keep givin' it and they keep takin' and well, that's pretty much the story.
But I think you should give love another chance some time though. I see it working for other people so it must be possible. Maybe watch The Notebook or something to partially restore your faith :)
When I have some spare time in my busy schedule I might give it another shot. As in try...no bullets involved....
Hey Notorious! I have actually found that there really is such a thing not too long after writing this. Funny how it works out. You give up, stop looking, quit giving, keeping all yo love to yourself and suddenly love comes knocking on your door.
Though I am very much like yourself. Not clingy ( a little crazy though... a lot crazy I mean lol) self sufficient etc... something that I learned, I call it a gut feeling, or maybe I just knew... I dunno, was;
When love knocked at my door, I knew it was him and as ridiculous as it sounds and quite honestly nothing I would ever have done before. I told him everything! I mean everything and I did it with the notion that if he does not love me for who I am and what I think etc. then I am not at any loss.
Turns out being upfront and honest, honest about what I thought about love, honest about the lovers I had had, honest about what I want in my future and honest about how I felt about him, worked out.
Now, most people will not ever say those magic words after a week but I did. I told him I love him right away. And though my mind was telling me, "your an idiot" my heart said "whatever, this is how I feel so fuck the world because I am not a liar."
And we have been very happy since and I suppose that the "strong bond" in our relationship comes not just from love, but from trust and respect. There wasn't anything "false" starting out, no game playing, no feeling that need follow those dating rules. I told him right at the start, "don't look for people outside of our relationship to dictate the way you "think" you should feel or do things because "they" have no say in how you should feel, think, or act.
Anyways, I think that putting your love out there for someone to accept and return is always worth it, even if it is emberrasing or a little bit crazy. :)
I'm happy for you Sandra :) and you didn't even have to watch The Notebook.
Test
I've just come to the realization that love does exist... but it's not going to happen for everyone. For every couple that may be in love, there are probably 100 couples staying together "just because". Thing is, it doesn't matter when you're on the outside looking in. All you know is that YOU'RE alone... and dying inside.
The last time I kissed a girl was 12 years ago. I didn't love her either, and thinking back, I didn't even like her. It was just something to do because I was bored. I've had many takers, and was even sexually harrassed several times (guys don't like this either Ladies... unless you're hot, lol) but they were all Women I wasn't interested in for good reasons (like they were incredibly ugly, or not feminen, or smokers--nothing against smokers I just don't wanna kiss one--or... married!)
I've never experienced love and I gave up hope years ago. I'm nowhere closer to it now than I was then. But I've sadly learned one more thing as a result of this brutal experience: when you live a life and no one loves you, and in addition you have no one to love, you're actually dead. The final position of lying face up is just a formality of it.
When I die and see God (but with my luck, the Devil), I'll have just one question: "Ummmm... WTF?"
:(
wow lol
I fee that love is life, when your in love your soul wakes up and you truly are alive.
heres some word play ;)
Love > evoL > eviL > Live
Love is to Live so LIVE GURRRL
if you don't see it I just spelt the words backwards lol
I felt the same way as you, I was always looking for love,got my heart broken when i was 18 and from 18-20 I had so many disapointments with girls (more than 50 easily lol).
At 20 i fell for my current fiancee.She was the one who I didnt even comtemplate being with,we just used to talk alot.One day we had a day out and we fell for each other.My point is that love bites you when you least expect it.I used to say whatever people just say that but its true lol
Also the love you feel is from inside you,men are just the catalyst to cause that reaction that awakens those feelings inside you.
love your self, keep thinking of the life partner you want and eventually your life partner will come along ;).
check out my hub love of self - who are you trying to be ;)
Hey, I feel the same way about some of the women I've dated. I've only been dating for about a year but I have yet to come close enough to the idea of love. I'm becoming a skeptic of it. What happened to looking on the inside-out? Hmmm... maybe it's our backward culture?
There is no such thing as love, it is just a bunch of chemical reactions in the brain... nothing more than that really.
Interesting article written from a philosophical perspective. Thought provoking!
This is a good thread. I believe. I don't care about it's structure. It's not rational. Nothing good ever is. I know what I felt. I know it as sure as I know I'm sitting here typing.
Yes and those who say 'it's stupid' have never experienced it before. Love is so much more then physically being with someone, and online is a great way to find someone who you can emotionally connect with before physical aspects become involved. I will say that there are a lot of people out there who lie about who they are online, but if you're lucky to find that one person who is 100% truthful about who they are, keep them. Get to know the person first. Don't rush into something just because you think it sounds great. Meet in a public place during daylight, and bring a friend with you. Ask for photos, webcam, talk on the phone.
Yeah it might not work out, but in other cases, it will. I set up two of my close friends, who live 6 hours apart. They talked online and through the phone for 3 years before they met. They just celebrated 6 months together.
Muscle Force Max
Harry says:
16 months ago
Beware of the man trap. They say Men will give up attention, for sex, and women will give up sex for attention. So how much attention do you give up to get next to what's considered to be untouchable. How long before, what's considered to untouhable realizes, they are worth more than a few moments of attention.
Lonlyness is the killer of the soul, and the destroyer of the mind. Overcome lonlyness and you will find time to grow till that real love comes along. Next time Mr. Hit and run calls or comes by make sure you're busy, it's going to hurt but not as bad feeling used.
When he feels you're drifting away he will think he's loosing his manhood. He will try to regain his man hood by showing you more attention.
Most men will give up more for what they feel they can't have than what they feel they have in the bag. So think outside the bag. You are in control, now you know how the game is really played. It depends on how much value you place on your emotional stability, and happiness.